I recently received this note from a reader in Ireland:
The reason I’m writing today is I have a friend who is in the same position has just recently had contact from her 2.5yr old son’s sociopathic father, looking for access.
She is learning all about what having a sociopathic father actually means, has read the book (Just Like His Father?), but is still unsure whether to allow it or not.
What do you think? Any new research? Anything that shows clearly kids do better without contact?
I do not know of any new research on this topic. We previously discussed two papers parents should be aware of; one concerns antisocial fathers and the other concerns antisocial mothers.
Antisocial Fathers
The common belief is that children are better off having a relationship with a father even if that father is a sociopath. In a landmark study, the only of its kind, researchers proved this is not the case. This study examined the children of 171 fathers high in sociopathic traits and 167 fathers low in sociopathic traits. In the two groups taken together, the presence of the father and his caretaking behavior weakly correlated with less antisocial behavior in children. However, when the two groups were examined separately a startling finding emerged. When fathers who were low in sociopathic traits were present in their children’s lives, children did substantially better. When fathers high in antisocial behavior were present in their children’s lives, children did much worse, especially if the father lived with them. The risk of conduct disorder in the children of antisocial fathers doubled when the fathers resided with the children.
“When highly antisocial fathers reside with the family, children experience a double whammy of risk for antisocial behavior. They are at genetic risk because antisocial behavior is highly heritable. In addition, the same parents who transmit genes also provide the child’s rearing environment. We found that a father’s antisocial behavior accounted for his children’s behavior problems independent of any genetic risk he may have imparted, particularly when he resided with the family and spent time taking care of the children.”
-Sara R. Jaffee, Ph.D. and Colleagues
Antisocial Mothers
There has been one scientific study of mothering and sociopathic traits. In this study, researchers linked scores on the sociopathy scale of a common personality test (MMPI-2) taken during pregnancy to later mothering behavior. This test is often given to people undergoing custody evaluation so it is important to know about this study. High sociopathy scores are linked to problem parenting in six areas:
1. Lack of warmth
2. Passivity/neglect
3. Harsh/abusive discipline
4. Inconsistent/ineffective discipline
5. Poor monitoring and supervision
6. Aggressive values
In this study, mothers completed questionnaires and their parenting behavior was observed during two laboratory tasks. Direct observation is very important, because it is difficult to understand sociopathic parenting without first hand observations. During the observation periods, mothers high in trait sociopathy were observed to show a lack of warmth and to use harsh and ineffective discipline. The ineffective discipline of at risk children is just as important in the development of sociopathy as is lack of warmth. Ineffective discipline does not enable a child to learn impulse control. Lack of warmth impairs Ability to Love. The aggressive values cherished by sociopathic mothers also impair a child’s moral development. It follows that sociopathic mothers pass on the disorder to their children by poisoning The Inner Triangle.
Other considerations
Remember all the research can only give you guidelines. Sociopathy is a spectrum and it can be difficult to tell just how affect a mother or father is. Below is a list of questions you can ask yourself when considering a child’s involvement with an antisocial parent. It is my hope that those outside the family making decisions on behalf of children will consider this list as well.
1. How likely is sociopathic parent (SP) to encourage the child to form a bond only to disappear, abandoning the child?
2. How sadistic or potentially sexually abusive is SP? Is there a risk of parental kidnapping?
3. How likely is it that SP will use child to harm others- get new relationship by playing parent of the year?
4. How likely is it SP will use child to harm other parent?
5. Will SP teach antisocial attitudes to child? eg. suspicion of others and pleasure in aggression or getting over on the system?
6. Will SP expose child to other antisocial adults?
7. Will SP be overly permissive and not set limits or neglect the child- Put child in front of TV and not feed him or help him toilet etc.?
8. Will SP induce fear and guilt if the child does not do what SP wants?
9. Will SP be intoxicated infront of child? Will SP drive while intoxicated with child in the car?
10. Is SP doing illegal things and at risk for arrest?
11. Is SP so disordered that to give the child the idea SP is normal will harm the child’s view of humanity?
12. Is SP preoccupied with weapons or own them?
13. Is SP partaking of sexually explicit or violent media and at risk to expose child to these?
14. Will SP attempt to alienate healthy parent?
15. Is SP in treatment or has SP taken parenting classes?
16. Will SP dump child off on other relatives or baby sitter during supposed parenting time?
17. Will SP spend “support money” buying the child’s loyalty by purchasing toys? or taking child places SP cannot in reality afford if SP was supporting child as SP should?
If you can add to the list please do so. I am also looking for your examples of the above.
Reference List
Jaffee S, Moffitt T, Caspi A, Taylor A. Life with (or without) father: The benefits of living with two biological parents depend on the father’s antisocial behavior. Child Development [serial online]. January 2003;74(1):109-126.
Bosquet M, Egeland B. Predicting parenting behaviors from Antisocial Practices content scale scores of the MMPI-2 administered during pregnancy. Journal of Personality Assessment [serial online]. February 2000;74(1):146-162.
GOOD Article and list, Liane, and I think it is very timely for some of our bloggers who are having such problems at this time.
Adding to your list, for mothers (or fathers)
“Will expose the child to sexual exploitation by his/her sexual partners.”
“will neglect education of child”
Good list. I’m kind of in a petri dish right now. The neighbor, both my landlord and a sociopath, has a son about 1 yr older than my middle one. My son, has had either supervised (where he had to partially behave to keep up the facade for his mother) or no visitation for a little over 3 yrs. My son is conscientious, kind, and overall tries to be a good kid.
The neighbor’s wife (despite actually owning all the property) moved out about a year ago. Now the neighbor s has ‘unsupervised/non buffered by mom’ time with the kid. The kid was strange before, but is now really, really creepy. The neighbor across the street has banned him from their property as they kept finding him in their garage and messing with their things. He would come over and try to “play” with their preschool age granddaughter (boy is 11). He kept trying to get her away from their sight and behind one of their outbuildings. They didn’t allow this, boy went home crying, and S dad called to scream at them about how basically the kid should be allowed to take a much younger child wherever he wants and he owns the road so the kid can be anywhere he wants. He doesn’t own the road and certainly not these folks’ driveway.
They recently called the mother because the kid was sitting in their driveway, doing nothing besides being where he shouldn’t be, for over an hour and a half. Just sitting there on his bike, staring off into space. Those folks are now missing a couple of chickens and worry when “dead old S dad” starts buying the kid real guns to replace the toy arsenal. The kid needs braces and therapy- sdad got him a 4wheeler. The kid gets zero supervision and much encouragement to tromp on other’s boundaries. Mom has been fighting him in court, the court is only interested in the father’s rights. Even his penchant for hookers and multiple dui arrests haven’t tarnished his rights. Yes- there are arrest records AND convictions.
I no longer allow my son to play with this child unsupervised (my boy is 10). I NEVER let my preschooler around him. I often would find things to do so that we weren’t home until after dark to reduce the amount of contact with this kid. When I tell him that my son can’t play today, he rides his bike up and down my sidewalk, back and forth, by the windows until I bark at him to knock it off. I’ve seen him do it for more than an hour at a time. I no longer allow him in my home, even to use the bathroom because he steals things. My son is on strict orders to NEVER go in the sdad’s house, for any reason. With the mom gone, weird looking loser folk come and go all the time. Several months ago, he was drunk and threatening to kill himself with one of his many guns. Stupid hooker called 911 and he went to the hosp for the night. The visitation schedule is such these days, that he is at his mother’s across town on the weekend- we can actually be at home and not be pestered. My son doesn’t ask to play with that kid much anymore- he knows he’s mean and something isn’t quite right with the kid.
Keep in mind, this is a quiet area, low on crime in general, and we live on a farm like setting. There are only a few houses. I moved into this house because it was on a private drive and therefore could prevent my own xs from driving up and down in front of the house, unlike a public street. The neighbor lld and sociopath actually hassled me about who my x was and wanted to be sure he wouldn’t be coming around me and the kids (on his property). I guess he didn’t want the competition.
By the way, the movers are coming next wkend. I’m getting myself and my kids the heck outta here. That kid is only going to get worse and we aren’t going to be around to see just how worse he gets.
Great list. Unfortunately, 15 out of 17 pertain to my case. In addition to these, I am worried about another two:
1.Differences in Parenting styles.
In my home, lying is always discouraged, even if done to protect or “not worry” another. As someone who is very direct, I encourage nothing to be sugarcoated. Sometimes – often – it backfires, as my kids tell me Just what they think of choices I make, or behaviors I personally exhibit. With my X being a habitual lying, I am concerned, that the this behavior will be modeled after and incorporated by my toddler. Which brings me to the Second concern:
2. What kind of human being will my son become observing the horrible behaviors his “saintly” Dad exhibits? Modeling betrayal is a horrific crime against a child.
Oxy, Good point about education. Did you know that when a P parent makes a suggestion for homework and it’s incorrect, it’s the teacher’s fault and the textbook’s flaw? I had no idea, the teachers and textbooks were conspiring to bring our Ps to their knees whenever it concerns mathematics.
No, I do not feel safe at all, when I think about these things.
Mine didn’t see his children, but once during the year that we were together.. but he talked on the phone and skyped them.. and told them that he love love loved them..
Of course, he traveled all the time, but in that year, he put me before them.. and after awhile, I wondered ummm… if he loves these kids so much, why doesn’t he see them more… The one time that I met his older daughter, the one molested by her mother, the emotional basket case.. and the one that considers herself the matriarch of the family, I saw what a mess the family is..
then when he stops living with me and goes to live where his kids are… they are his focus.. overly so… he dotes on them..
I think he falls back to them when the woman falls away in his life…
I can’t imagine how messed up his kids are.. He’s been married four times… the last one died.. and he is after me three months later… and he has three kids.. one that died of a brain tumor, one who survived a brain tumor, one that was motested by her mother, and one .. I don’t know.. then a step child with a mental issues and and ex-step child that killed himself… so what a mess.. and here I have no children.. and I’m expected to walk into his family mess…
Although I am deeply sad to not have children, I am ever so relieved to not be battling this guy over children – he is so petty. We have pets in common together and he uses them to beat me up – doesn’t give a stuff about their needs and wellbeing – just changes his mind every week about which ones he will take and which will stay with me. After reading all this though I have decided he is taking none – he is incapable of meeting the relational and caretaking needs they have – he is only focussed on his own needs.
I feel very sorry for anyone having to coparent with these types of people – they are nightmares!
In the past, he’d visit a few times, create a storm of conflicts, that made the kids NOT want to go with him, the next visit. Since there were no orders in place, the court appointed therapist told the kids, they don’t have to go, if they don’t want to. Then their father would blame me for alientating the kids from him. As time went on, he blamed the kids for the lack of connection, by assasinating their character; and causing his family system to “REJECT” the kids.
In March, their father took me back to court to fight for visitation rights. He was awarded four hours every Saturday. He never made an attempt. Then he took me back to court, again in July, and was awareded the above schedule. To which he postponed the first visit. And, when the kids protested going on the off weekend, he threatened to have the police come and force them to go.
I have always maintained, that the kids could see their father as much as they wanted. Of course wanting to see him, was dependant on his behavior and effort to bond with them; which he has never made any effort to do so. He accused me of not responding to his calls, and as a result has been unable to talk to his kids. The kids were bullied into giving their cell numbers to him, by their court appointed attorney. Now that he has the numbers, he never calls them. More importantly, he never calls to connect with our youngest, who does not have a cell; yet, the threat of him getting custody of her looms over our lives if the teenagers don’t comply with his wishes.
Everyone of the above questions on the list (including the one’s listed for the a sociopatic mother) pertains to their father, with the exception of drinking and driving. He doesn’t drink, at all. However, he exhibits road rage often, and has put mine and the children’s lives at risk, chasing down another care, after a perceived deliberate attempt to offront him.
After the March hearing, my ex demanded that the reunification process be reopened to where he and the children would meet with a therapist to evaluate and assist in helping the kids and he bond. Their father has done everything to AVOID actually meeting with the therapist and the children together, until I called all the authorities in our case on the carpet for neglecting to notice how he was manipulating the system. The kids wanted to confront him, in front of the therapist about his behavior and the reasons they don’t want to go with him.
That meeting finally happened, yesterday. Only, their father had ample time to prepare.
My son (13) called me half way through the session, hysterically crying; gasping for air. I could hardly understand a word he said. As it turned out, he was experiencing his first direct assault of “gaslighting.” He was emotionally hijacted, and put on the defensive. This was the first session he’s ever had without his older, more articulate sister voicing their collective concerns. I encouraged him to speak his mind without fear of getting in trouble. He needed to be assertive and direct. I explained to him what being “gaslighted” means, and how it feels. And, that that is what just happened to him. I encouraged him to go back into the meeting sure of what he knows to be true, and not shrink back with self doubt, or feelings of guilt. I also told him, he is free to say whatever he wants without fear of getting into trouble.
For the next two hours I was a nervous wreck, waiting. I cleaned the house, and baked cookies so the kids would come home to a place where they felt comforted, and taken care of.
Both walked in the house with bloodshot, puffy eyes. They’d been reduced to a puddle. They were angry, and felt defeated. They had been systematically devalued, and the therapist said NOTHING!!!!!
As they shared with me what he had done in the session, and how he had made his new wife, the coniving, manipulative, S/P/N Jezeebel the center of attention as if she is the victim because the kids want nothing to do with her (she has threatened them, stalked them, lied about them, and played a heavy influence in alientating them from their father.)
The very reason for this session was so the kids could confront their father on recent issues pertaining to HIS behavior. However, he managed to make the entire session their dislike for his wife, to which they were accused and painted as being STUCK IN THE PAST, and unreasonable. Because he kept challenging them on why they don’t want to have anything to do with his new wife, he kept them stuck in the past, and unable to address the current issues.
I am seriously concerned about the way the therapist allowed him to bully the kids like this. On the other hand, a part of me wonders if he allowed it so that he could observe. The kids felt unprotected, and are convinced that their father has won over the therapist. He said little and nodded a lot. He also expressed to the kids that he’s talked to the new wife, claiming that she feels terrible about the things she done to them in the past, and has apologized. WHAT A CROCK… she’s made this claim to others in the family system, then continues to spread rumore and gossip about me and the kids. She’s never apologized to the kids, nor has thier father. They have succesfully convinced other’s of their heartfelt remorse, as they both continue to poke needles into the kids, and when the kids cryout, ENOUGH!.. They are perceived as being stuck in the past, and unreasonable.
In the session, their father took out a picture that his 7 year old step daughter drew of their family setting. It included himself, her mother, herself, and her two brothers, with her father, standing next to my kid’s father. Then he said, “See this. A seven year old girl drew this. This is how it should be. We should all be able to get along. This picture shows a peaceful home. I don’t get that from you guys. I get nothing but grief.” They, the kids, of course, were blindsided. They have each drawn similar pictures in their childhood that showed how our family was happy… pictures that I made a big deal of, and kept. Similar happy family pictures have been drawn by their youngest sibling, but, they do not included their father,in a picture, and haven’t for the past five years. Their youngest sister draws pictures of happy family that includes all her siblings, and her brother-in-law (28, and more a father figure to her, then her own father), her nephew, herself, and me. We all live together, share meals together, clean together, play together, and help each other out.
I asked the kids how it made them feel, when he showed them the picture that his step-daughter (that many think is his own biological child) made. They expressed that they felt that he was saying it is their fault that our family broke up. That he’s happier with the other family. He basically said he isn’t in our life because we don’t make him happy.”
Am I wrong for thinking how extremely inappropriate, and abusive it was for him to display a picture of a family setting that slaps our kids in the face in contrast to how their live’s has been ripped apart as their father has adopted another family?
He also accused our daughter (15) of spreading rumors about his wife. And, for trying to make his step-son her body guard at a dance. Both accusations are totally untrue.
He gave her the peace sign after a previous visit, to which she gave one back, and walked into the house. He accused her of flipping him off.
It doesn’t matter that she didn’t do these things, the fact that he accuses her of it, leaves a lingering question in the air… Did she? Further discrediting her character in front of the therapist. She’s a teen-ager, after all, and “you know how they can be.” kind of doubt.
Furthermore, after the session was over, our two kids went back inside to meet with the therapist. They expressed their frustration, and disappointment with how he allowed their father to behave this way, and not say anything. He advised both of them, “It’s an easy problem to solve. If you don’t want to go with him…Don’t. You are both old enough the court won’t force you to go.”
They already know this. Their concern, and one that the therpist had laid on them back in July… Their younger sister (9) has to go with him. And, she doesn’t want anything to do with him, unless her siblings are with her. She’s scared to death of him. I had warned my attorney and this therapist, that when the time came that my ex wouldn’t have any legal power to control the older two, he will target them, to get a ruling to have them NOT be able to go with him, so he can control and manipulate the youngest (to hurt me).
When our older daughter told her father that she is still going to go with them on the visits to protect her siblings, the therapist actually said, “There should be a law that stipulates when an older sibling is hostile, that they be prevented from going on the visitations.” WHAT????? This same therapist told her and her brother in July, “The court isn’t going to make you guys go. But, your youngest sibling is only (9), and the attorney appointed by the court, for you kids, has indicated that he is going to move to give custody of her to your dad, if she doesn’t want to go with him. And, the only way she will go, is if you guys go. So… I hate putting it to you this way, but…” My older two said, “So, basically we are blackmailed. If we don’t go, he could get custody of her, because there is NO WAY she will go without us.” The therapist responded, “Yes.”
So, they’ve been going. And, they have wanted to make the best of it for their younger sibling. However, their father, pickes fights, antagonizes, and manipulates, and has told our oldest daughter, “I wish you wouldn’t come with us. We have more fun without you, here.” She’s only 15. Then, he shoves his new wife down their throats, and when they protest that they don’t want anything to do with her, then they are considered, “Hostile.” When they protest, “We only see you 12 hours in the entire month, we DON’T want to spend it hanging out with people we don’t even like.
A hostile child? OMG!!!!! She is fed up, and voices it, and as such, she is the hositle child.
Their father remained, for the most part, calm, cool and collected. This therapist used to see right through him, but their father has morphed, as he does so well, like a bad strain of a bacteria, morphing into a strain that is resistance of the anti-sociopath, into an image that this therapist deems acceptable.
As soon as they got back to the car, the two older kids were spent, devistated and exausted. Their father says, “Well, that went well. We should get some ice cream. Both kids told him, to “SHUT UP! And, take us home.”
Flash back, five years: After he’d put me in a choke hold, and caused me to fall, tearing my hamstring, broke my toe, shoved me into a book case, causing a disc in my back to herniate (which caused me to be unable to extend my arms for over a year), then lied to the police when I called for help,causing me to be arrested for domestic violence. He gave the money to my oldest daughter (21 at the time) to bail me out. While I was still in a state of shock, fear, and a sense of helplessness, I went home, with no where to go, and knowing I needed to protect my kids. Three days later, while in extreme pain, he brought home a bottle of wine, and said….”You just might get lucky tonight.” As if the nightmare I’d just been through, and the humiliation (I have never even served detention. I don’t open a bag of chips until they are paid for, and I follow the laws of the road, even when NOBODY is around for miles to see otherwise.) of being arrested.
After he emotionally raped his children, while the therapist watched and said nothing, and the kids have been devalued in a way that they have never experienced directly before, he claims it went well, and offers them ice-cream. Words cannot begin to explain what this feels like.
He continued to taunt our daughter saying, “If you would be involved in mine and Jezeebel’s life, you would have so much, you can’t even believe. Jezeebel would get you M.A.C. make-up. If you kids would respect me, (translation of respect means live in my little fantasy world where I’m King, and do nothing wrong) you wouldn’t be having it so hard (financially). I could make things a lot easier for you.”
OK… as he says this to his daughter, he’s not paid the court ordered support. He’s convinced his father, the Note Holder on a business we sold to withhold the payments from me, I’ve been unemployed since May 1, and recently had to apply for food assistance. The kids have expressed feeling embarrassed about out level of poverty.
He claims in his delcarations that he is impoverished, but then tells the kids…they’d have it so much easier if they would just cross over to his world.
Which by the way, he kept saying to our daughter, “In your little world…. ” Our daughter responded, “I don’t live in a little world. I live in the real world.” He retorted with, “Well, in my world…” And, that’s exactly the point… He lives in an alternate world, that doesn’t deal in reality. He’s above the law, and can say whatever he wants to the kids, destroying their confidence and trust in their own perception in front of the therapist, and gets away with it.
Our son kept saying… “He won, Mom. He has the therapist totally convinced. We thought the therapist is on our side, but now he’s totally on dad’s side. He won.”
I listened to both in as much of a neutral place as I could. Then is said… “What you’ve experienced today is called, “gaslighting.” I explained what this means. And, they both perked up, “Yes! That’s exactly what he did to us, today.” Then, I explained that he’s targeted their emotions. And, emotions are a very powerful thing. They are easy to hijack. Because he is their father, no matter how mad they are at him, the anger is because they are hurt, that he’s abandoned them; and even worse, he’s projecting them to be the bad guys. To have a parent broadcast you in such a bad light, when you try so hard to do what is good, is devistating. It’s a deeply felt sense of betrayal.
Then I told them… “I believe you! Even if the court doesn’t. Even if the therapist doesn’t. Even if their attorney doesn’t believe them… “Don’t ever forget…I believe you. I know exactly what he did to you, today. And, it was WRONG!!!! I’m so sorry you had to experience this. You did NOTHING to deserve it. None of this is your fault, no matter what he said to you.
I asked the kids to write out what they experienced, what their dad said to them that was confusing, a lie, and hurtful. I told them to write everything, and not worry if it makes sense. Just write it, while it is fresh in their minds.
I’ve printed a couple articles from this forum, and intend to send their letter’s with the articles, and a brief summary to the therapist. He’s expressed to me before that this is over his head. He’s said he’s never delt with such muddled case before. I told him, “Then you’ve never delt with the smoke screens of a Narcissist before.” He admitted to understanding the text version, but he was at a loss in how to help make anything better. I told him, the best you can do, is to acknowledge what the kids are experiencing, and give them tools to cope. Both of us said, at the same time, “He’s never going to change.” This conversation was two years ago.
The day before the session he said to me.. “You decide what you want to do, and I’ll back you up 100%. I am hopeful, even though he didn’t handle the situation the way the kids would have liked, that he’s not entirely sold out. Our daughter said, “It’s like he didn’t know what to do.” I affirmed her perception by telling her what he’d told me two years prior.
I am soooo sorry this is so long. I don’t have the time to edit it shorter. And, I know I left so much out, that I’ll likely bring up again, later. I want case studies. I want tools to send to the therapist to make things more clear to him. I want studies that show the damaging affect of a sociopathic/Narcissist on kids.
Our 15 year old daughter has always been on honor roll. When this recent reunification process started (August 09), her grades have fallen, drastically. She got her first F on a report card…Ever. Ironically she got it in English. She loves English, too. English is our language by which we communicate our existance. I see this F as a metephore that she’s struggling with her feelings of relevance. He did this to me, and I’m a grown women. How is a 15 year old girl supposed to wade through the devaluing process, and arrive on the other side with their sense of self esteem and confidence in tact?
Dr. Leedom – I have a question for you –
I know that we want to teach our children to have empathy/compassion – impulse/self control and give them a moral foundation/moral reasoning in order to prevent them from becoming s/p/n’s…
My children do not have much a genetic predisposition to this unless the seed skips generations (I have removed myself 3,000 miles from my genetic N’s and we have limited contact).
What I want to know is what advice do you have for teaching our children how to recognize and keep themselves safe from N/P/S/ people and at the same time to have empathy/compassion.
I am a person of faith and one of the Biblical stories from childhood that always seemed to inspire me personally was the parable of “The Good Samaritan” – yet I see how having this motivation in life has allowed N/P/S people to get close to me.
There is an article by a Dr. Carver on Stockholm Syndrome – The Mystery of Loving An Abuser… The common features of women that get involved with abusive men is not that they seek out these types of relationships but rather that they are outgoing, generally successful and compassionate people – willing to compromise for the benefit of their personal relationships. These are all positive qualities and ones we want to model for our children and yet they also can make our children vulnerable to predators – because as Dr. Carver points out – in general it is these qualities a predator looks for, tests for…
I am using my (I should say our) experiences with my ex-N and our interactions with my N parents as teaching tools for my girls – but do you have any additional ideas / words of wisdom.
I am trying to teach my girls to look at behaviour and not listen to words – and that honesty is the number one requirement in a healthy relationship and dishonesty is a deal breaker – period – end of story.
Breckgirl, I don’t know how old your girls are, but you should emphasize that they listen to their guts, and that feeling confused is a sign of being fed mixed messages or just plain dishonesty.
We make the mistake of hanging in there, looking for PROOF, in the mean-time we become more and more mired in the crap. JMHO.
Encouraging words for parents of at risk children:
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200912/dobbs-orchid-gene
These encouraging words nonetheless stress the importance of competent parenting. You can win, but only if you parent effectively.
Keep your vulnerable children away from their dysfunctional parent. It’s their best hope.
Breckgirl:
I commend you for the awareness and willingness to ‘go against’ the (unfortunate) norm and teach your children about their gut and ‘what’ is out there…….in order to protect them.
Your girls are very fortunate to have a mom like you…..looking out for them, their future relationships with society!
Kim:
You are so right….hanging in there and looking for proof, when all along, we have our gut screaming at us….I think (in my case) the proof was needed to confront and converse about what I already knew…..in order to disprove the twisting that I knew would be attempted…..I HAD PROOF!
All the times I just’ relied on my gut…..it wasn’t proof I could take to the source……
And why was it I felt I needed to go to the source, and not just walk away! Maybe because I didn’t have a mother like Breck and Kim teaching me that my gut was sufficient and I didn’t always have to be ‘in court’ and provide proof….to myself or others.