Donna Andersen

Coercive control is a pattern of assault, threats, humiliation, intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish or frighten the victim. Where does this behavior come from?A Lovefraud reader sent me an article by Dr. Emma Katz, who describes herself as a “globally respected expert in coercive control, domestic violence and domestic abuse.” I invite you to read the article:She didn’t “pick wrong.” Society failed by creating millions of abusive men.In her article, Katz says there are so many abusers in the world that “we need to stop blaming women for ‘ignoring red flags’ when men turn out to be controlling and abusive partners.”I listened to Katz speak on a few podcasts, and she does s …

Asking the wrong question about coercive controllersRead More

Perhaps you’ve had the following experience: Your new beau showered you with so much attention and affection that you fell in love. Then, slowly or quickly, your partner became deceitful, mean, disparaging and maybe even violent. You were shocked, angry and heartbroken, so you distanced yourself. But after a while, your memory of the bad behavior faded, and you just thought of the good times. You still love the abuser and want to reunite. How is this possible? When your romantic partner lies, cheats, betrays, exploits or abuses you, how can you ever forget that, and why would you return for more?The explanation is rooted in biology. Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and professor of c …

Your split brain: Why you still love the abuserRead More

Great sex. Many people who have slept with a sociopath say it was the best sex they ever had. I surveyed Lovefraud readers for my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, and 78 percent said "sexual magnetism" was characteristic of their relationship. Why is that? First of all, sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. Secondly, sociopaths are frequently good lovers.Rating sex with sociopathsPeople who have had sex with sociopaths almost always rave about it. "Swept off my feet by the most intense sexual experience," wrote one respondent to the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey. The sentiment was echoed over and over again. I asked, "If you had sex with the ind …

Red Flags of Love Fraud #3: Sexual magnetismRead More

Our society rarely talks about evil. There’s little discussion of morality, and even less of its opposite — wickedness. As a result, we don’t know that evil sociopaths exist, so we don’t know to protect ourselves from them.I can’t tell you how many times people told me, while relating their awful stories of being deceived and betrayed, “I didn’t know people like this existed.”They do. So why is there no discussion? Why don’t we know about evil sociopaths?I can think of two reasons, one related to cultural change, and the other to confusion about terminology.Cultural changeWhen I first started my career in the early 1980s, the term “politically correct” came into vogue. The idea was to avoid l …

The hard truth: Evil sociopaths existRead More

Perhaps you’re in your 40s, 50s or 60s — and you have just come to the shocking realization that you have a sociopath in your life. Maybe even multiple sociopaths. So you wonder — why did you encounter a sociopath later in life?I have three answers for this question. One is about awareness, another is about life stages and the last is about healing purpose.Awareness of sociopathsI am willing to bet that sociopaths were always in your life — you just didn’t know it. By sociopaths, I mean people who could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorder. (The original definition of “sociopath” was “anything deviated or pathological in …

3 reasons why you encounter a sociopath later in lifeRead More