How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for Donna Andersen

How to protect yourself from sociopaths in 3 easy steps

//  by //  42 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2022. Yes, you can protect yourself from sociopaths. You can stop them from coming into your life and causing serious damage. I'm going to tell you how to do it in three easy steps: Step 1 — Know that sociopaths exist Millions of sociopaths live among us. I am not exaggerating that number. I use the word "sociopath" as an umbrella term for four serious personality disorders. They are: Antisocial personality disorder /psychopathy Narcissistic personality disorder Borderline personality disorder Histrionic personality disorder Although there are clinical differences among these disorders, there are many similarities. People who have these disorders are usually …

How to protect yourself from sociopaths in 3 easy stepsRead More

Suddenly he says his mom died — a sociopathic seduction strategy

//  by //  Leave a Comment

You’re chatting or texting with your new romantic partner. You make plans to get together, and suddenly he says his mom died and he has to break the plans. You react to the tragedy with shock and sympathy. Of course, you understand, and you’ll be there when he needs you. But what if it’s not true? What if when he says his mom died, he was lying? This happened to a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call Charlene22. Her story is below. Names are changed. Lovefraud reader's story I met Rick on Tinder in early January. We sent only a few messages back and forth before he asked for my snapchat so we could communicate there instead. We continued to talk every day for about a week, and had plan …

Suddenly he says his mom died — a sociopathic seduction strategyRead More

After 6 months of No Contact, the sociopath wants to begin again

//  by //  25 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2022: Suppose you successfully get rid of a sociopath and he or she leaves you alone. Then, after months of No Contact, he or she reaches out to you. The sociopath wants to begin again. What do you do? Here's an email exchange I once had with a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Alana." Alana wrote: Donna, I came across ur website accidentally after I left a guy and was searching for some answers on whether he was abusive, I was left totally confused. When I met him 4 years ago, he seemed so crazy about me and he would send me hundreds of texts per day and 10 phone calls, he wanted to see me every day. At first I felt suffocated I wanted to run in the other direction, …

After 6 months of No Contact, the sociopath wants to begin againRead More

4 reasons why psychopaths will never stop cheating

//  by //  102 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2022. Psychopaths will never stop cheating. If you suspect that your partner is disordered, and you're experiencing any of the following, beware: Do you have absolute proof that your partner is cheating but he or she denies it? When you confront your partner about cheating, does he or she say it's your fault? Does your partner pick a fight with you, and use the fight as an excuse to storm out of the house and see someone else? If you answer yes to these questions, you may be involved with a psychopath — for more warning signs, get the exclusive Lovefraud checklist. If your partner checks a lot of the boxes on the checklist, know this: There's nothing you can do, or …

4 reasons why psychopaths will never stop cheatingRead More

Why do psychopaths lie?

//  by //  17 Comments

[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/P_6vDLq64gE" title="How%20to%20spot%20a%20liar"] UPDATED FOR 2022: How to Spot a Liar that's the title of TED talk by Pamela Meyer, author of the book, Liespotting. A Lovefraud reader sent me a link to the video. It's a good starting point for a discussion of the question, why do psychopaths lie? How to Spot a Liar, on HuffingtonPost.com. In my opinion, the tips and techniques that she suggests in the video are helpful if you're dealing with normal people. I'm not sure how useful they are when you're dealing with psychopaths. Meyer does point out that people who think liars look away and don't make eye contact are mistaken. The research, Meyer …

Why do psychopaths lie?Read More

My happy marriage after the sociopath

//  by //  4 Comments

This past weekend, my wonderful husband, Terry Kelly, and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary with a short getaway to New Hope, Pennsylvania. We stayed at a nice hotel, went to a museum, ate some delicious meals. But mostly, we celebrated our love for each other, still going strong after all these years. Yes, a happy marriage is possible after the sociopath. Life brings challenges and we’ve certainly faced our share. But the issues were never about problems in our relationship. What’s our secret? I’d say caregiving. I’ve explained many times that researchers have identified three social drives that are components of romantic love: Attachment — wanting to be with your special …

My happy marriage after the sociopathRead More

A Lovefraud reader’s happy ending

//  by //  3 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2022 — a reminder to everyone that there can be love after the sociopath. Several years ago, Lovefraud heard from a reader whom we called "Rochelle." After 30 years, she'd reconnected with the first boy she ever loved. It felt like her chance to finally have the love she always wanted. Except that the boy, now a man, was a sociopath, and the love was a mirage. Rochelle knew he was disordered, but still she pined for him. She asked, "When does it get to the point where he stops taking up space in my brain?" Here's her story: Getting the sociopath out of your head She later wrote a Letter to Lovefraud detailing her experience: How sociopaths twist words and a …

A Lovefraud reader’s happy endingRead More

Yes, there can be love after the sociopath

//  by //  Leave a Comment

Relationships with sociopaths are devastating. At one time we thought we’d found the person we’d been waiting for all our lives. Then we were unceremoniously discarded. Eventually we learned that the whole relationship was a lie. We feel like we are emotionally ruined forever. But I’m here to tell you that there can be love after the sociopath. I know, because I lived it. My first book, Love Fraud, is the story of my marriage to a con artist. I describe in detail how he seduced me, then exploited me. But the book is more than that — it is also the story of my recovery. In fact, the sociopath’s betrayal shattered my emotional defenses, which had the effect of enabling me to truly open my …

Yes, there can be love after the sociopathRead More

To the psychopath, the relationship meant nothing

//  by //  66 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2022. One of the hardest parts of ending a romantic involvement with a psychopath is accepting the fact that to the psychopath, the relationship meant nothing. In the beginning, when the psychopath pursued you, showered you with attention and affection, called and texted all day long — it was just seduction. When the psychopath proclaimed undying love, declared that you were the best thing to ever happen to him or her, pushed the relationship along while painting a glistening image of the future — it was all to hook you before you escaped. When the rough patches came and you were ready to walk away, and the psychopath pleaded, cajoled, promised to change or even thr …

To the psychopath, the relationship meant nothingRead More

6 really bad reasons for staying with the sociopath

//  by //  18 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2022. If you're reading Lovefraud, it's probably because you suspect that your partner is disordered and you've been staying with a sociopath. This person's behavior has baffled you: How can he lie so prolifically? How can she be so cold? How can anyone behave so horribly and then act as if nothing happened? So you went looking on the Internet for answers. You've plugged this person's upsetting behavior into your favorite search engine and come across a list of traits such as Lovefraud's Key Symptoms of a Sociopath. Check, check, check — the person exhibits all or most of them. So what do you do now? The correct answer is to get the person out of your life as quickly a …

6 really bad reasons for staying with the sociopathRead More