Escaping sociopaths (or antisocials, narcissists, and psychopaths) can be tricky. Some disordered partners are violent, but even when they’re not, they’re typically skilled at controlling you through emotional or psychological intimidation, making it hard for you to leave. If sociopaths sense you are pulling away, they will either charm and love bomb you until you change your mind or lash out and make your situation worse. Therefore, your objective is to escape before your sociopathic partner realizes what you are doing. 10 crucial strategies for leaving Here are 10 crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath that will help you get away — and stay away. 1. Keep your mouth s …
Sociopaths prime you to ignore reports of their bad behavior
The sociopath’s greatest skill is probably impression management. They are excellent at presenting themselves in a positive light — even when they have a long history of abusive relationships, exploitation, unstable finances and even criminal convictions. One of their tricks is priming you in advance to ignore reports of their bad behavior. The most fundamental sociopathic strategy for preventing you from learning what they truly are — lying, cheating parasites — is to keep you away from anyone who knows their past. This is one reason why sociopaths typically move around a lot — when they’ve caused too many problems in one town, they relocate to a new town where nobody knows them o …
Sociopaths prime you to ignore reports of their bad behaviorRead More
Sociopaths in long-distance relationships: 7 reasons why it’s hard to spot them
UPDATED FOR 2025. Today, if you’re looking for romance, you aren’t limited to searching your local community. With online dating apps, texting and video calls like Facetime and Zoom, you can meet and stay in contact with potential partners in distant cities, states and countries. It may seem like you have worldwide romantic possibilities — but you also need to be on the lookout for sociopaths in long-distance relationships. Quite frankly, long-distance relationships are dangerous. Sociopaths can be difficult to recognize when you’re around them every day. If you only see them in real life intermittently — well, they can run their scams and manipulations almost indefinitely and you will nev …
Sociopaths in long-distance relationships: 7 reasons why it’s hard to spot themRead More
Asking the wrong question about coercive controllers
Coercive control is a pattern of assault, threats, humiliation, intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish or frighten the victim. Where does this behavior come from? A Lovefraud reader sent me an article by Dr. Emma Katz, who describes herself as a “globally respected expert in coercive control, domestic violence and domestic abuse.” I invite you to read the article: She didn’t “pick wrong.” Society failed by creating millions of abusive men. In her article, Katz says there are so many abusers in the world that “we need to stop blaming women for ‘ignoring red flags’ when men turn out to be controlling and abusive partners.” I listened to Katz speak on a few podcasts …
Asking the wrong question about coercive controllersRead More
Book Review: How to Do the Inner Work
How to Do the Inner Work: A guide to self-discovery, empowerment, and emotional healing, by Susanne Madsen Review by Donna Andersen The key to recovery from the sociopath is healing your heart. I’ve said this many times in my blog articles, videos and to my coaching clients. But how do you do it? A new book by Susanne Madsen, How to Do the Inner Work, is a clear, concise guidebook for exactly that. Sociopaths are evil. They create havoc in our lives. Their behavior is criminal, or it should be. And they often get away with their bad behavior with little to no consequences. We do our best to fight them, or at least save ourselves. In the end, we usually need to come to terms w …
Your split brain: Why you still love the abuser
Perhaps you’ve had the following experience: Your new beau showered you with so much attention and affection that you fell in love. Then, slowly or quickly, your partner became deceitful, mean, disparaging and maybe even violent. You were shocked, angry and heartbroken, so you distanced yourself. But after a while, your memory of the bad behavior faded, and you just thought of the good times. You still love the abuser and want to reunite. How is this possible? When your romantic partner lies, cheats, betrays, exploits or abuses you, how can you ever forget that, and why would you return for more? The explanation is rooted in biology. Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and professor …
More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’
For years, the conventional wisdom in the mental health field was that psychopaths “burn out,” or engage in less antisocial behavior, after age 40. This is stated as fact in multiple psychiatry textbooks. But my research, published in a peer-reviewed journal in 2022, indicates psychopaths do not burn out. A new scientific paper validates my conclusions. Why should you care? Because if you’re dealing with someone who has psychopathic traits, chances are slim to none that this person will change for the better. If you’re seeing lies, manipulation, cruelty and abuse, it will continue. If he or she is taking advantage of you or others, that will also continue. Now, maybe you think tha …
Red Flags of Love Fraud #3: Sexual magnetism
Great sex. Many people who have slept with a sociopath say it was the best sex they ever had. I surveyed Lovefraud readers for my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, and 78 percent said "sexual magnetism" was characteristic of their relationship. Why is that? First of all, sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. Secondly, sociopaths are frequently good lovers. Rating sex with sociopaths People who have had sex with sociopaths almost always rave about it. "Swept off my feet by the most intense sexual experience," wrote one respondent to the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey. The sentiment was echoed over and over again. I asked, "If you had sex wi …
The hard truth: Evil sociopaths exist
Our society rarely talks about evil. There’s little discussion of morality, and even less of its opposite — wickedness. As a result, we don’t know that evil sociopaths exist, so we don’t know to protect ourselves from them. I can’t tell you how many times people told me, while relating their awful stories of being deceived and betrayed, “I didn’t know people like this existed.” They do. So why is there no discussion? Why don’t we know about evil sociopaths? I can think of two reasons, one related to cultural change, and the other to confusion about terminology. Cultural change When I first started my career in the early 1980s, the term “politically correct” came into vogue. The …
3 reasons why you encounter a sociopath later in life
Perhaps you’re in your 40s, 50s or 60s — and you have just come to the shocking realization that you have a sociopath in your life. Maybe even multiple sociopaths. So you wonder — why did you encounter a sociopath later in life? I have three answers for this question. One is about awareness, another is about life stages and the last is about healing purpose. Awareness of sociopaths I am willing to bet that sociopaths were always in your life — you just didn’t know it. By sociopaths, I mean people who could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorder. (The original definition of “sociopath” was “anything deviated or …
3 reasons why you encounter a sociopath later in lifeRead More