How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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3 steps to prevent a sociopath from taking advantage of your vulnerabilities

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UPDATED FOR 2024. "Is it really a vulnerability to respond to somebody (apparently) liking and desiring you? Is that not just a basic human need that we all want to have fulfilled?" The Lovefraud reader Dorabella asked these questions on a story that I posted previously, The sociopath as your soul mate. They are great questions. The answers are: Yes, it's a vulnerability to respond to someone desiring you, and yes, it's a basic human need. So although these are vulnerabilities, they are also normal human qualities. To be human is to have vulnerabilities. A vulnerability is a weak point, and whenever we want something, that creates a weak point. Most of us want a romantic relationships, so if …

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Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Yes, you can avoid letting a sociopath into your life. All you have to do is listen to your intuition. Security expert Gavin deBecker, who wrote The Gift of Fear, explains that intuition evolved within us over the millennia for one reason: To protect us from predators. Sociopaths are predators, and our intuition will warn us about them. The key is to pay attention. Sometimes the warning is blatant — one woman told me about feeling instantly terrified when a man approached her. But instead of heeding her internal warning, she berated herself for being judgmental — after all, the man had done nothing to her. She talked to him; they became romantically involved; he was, in f …

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A sociopath explains how she loves

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UPDATED FOR 2024. If you're like most Lovefraud readers, you're here because you were romantically involved with a sociopath. This person probably declared love for you repeatedly, exuberantly and convincingly. Then the individual lied to you, betrayed you, cheated on you, abused you and perhaps even threatened you. You were left stunned, distraught and devastated. How could someone who loved you treat you so badly? A letter Lovefraud received from a self-identified sociopath explains how she loves. It might help you understand why that person's love was so shallow: I have read several articles on your site out of curiosity and boredom over the past few weeks, and I agree with …

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15 valuable lessons from ‘The Sociopath Next Door’

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UPDATED FOR 2024. The Sociopath Next Door, by Martha Stout, Ph.D., is a classic for describing sociopathic behavior. I read the book when it was first published in early 2005, shortly before Lovefraud launched. Thirteen years later, I read read it again. I've learned a lot about sociopaths during those 13 years, so the second read was certainly a different experience. The first time I read the book, much of what Stout wrote was a revelation. Here are my observations from the second time around: Stout does a good job of describing sociopathic motivation, but her book fails to capture how dangerous and destructive these people are. The reason, I believe, is that this was never a book …

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When you discover the appalling truth, do not confront the sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2024. You've felt like something was off about your romantic partner for a long time, but you could never quite figure out what it was. Then, suddenly and harshly, you learn the truth. You discover that this person is cheating on you. Or forged your signature to open up credit cards. Or has kids you never knew about. Or is only pretending to go to work every day. Or is married to someone else. However it happened, you learn that your partner is betraying you. Your first instinct is to confront your partner and demand answers. DON'T DO IT. When you learn what is really going on, the best thing you can do is nothing, at least temporarily. Do not lash out. Instead, no matter how …

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5 tips for dealing with a sociopath

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Lovefraud's standard advice for interacting with a sociopath is not to interact at all, to implement a strict policy of No Contact. Unfortunately, this isn't always possible. Perhaps you share children with a sociopathic ex-partner. Or perhaps you have a disordered boss or co-worker, and aren't yet able to find new employment. Or perhaps some member of your family is disordered. If you have no choice but to interact with a problem person, here are some tips that may help you. Do not react emotionally. Sociopaths will often do or say unpleasant things just to provoke a reaction out of you. Do not take the bait. Remember, all sociopaths really want is to win. If they get an emotional …

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10 Facts to help you explain your experience with a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2024. The biggest reason why we get tangled up with sociopaths is because we don't know they exist. We don't know they live among us, so we don't watch out for them, so we get in trouble. Then, when we try to tell our friends and families what happened, they have no idea what we're talking about — because they don't know sociopaths exist either. So on top of the devastation we endure from the sociopath, when we turn to others for support, we are not understood or even believed. If you're trying to explain your experience with a sociopath, here are some facts to help you put your story in context: 1 . Approximately 40 million people in the United States — 12% of the pop …

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Am I a sociopath magnet?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Kristinan32." Donna Andersen responds at the end of it. I've had a long history with NPDs and Sociopaths. Am I some sort of magnet? I am a caring individual, rescue animals, take care of people. Go figure. My daughter's father was one, the last guy I was with was one, up until he died. Two years later, I decided I've 'healed' somewhat after everything, and I see my old friend's brother on a social media site. I never really knew him, so I contacted him, out of the blue. So, we hit it off fast. This is unlike me, I don't take things fast. We talk, we get along, everything's fun and good. He tells …

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12 Seduction strategies from the Sociopath Playbook

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Sociopaths tend to use all the same tactics while reeling in new romantic partners, as if they were all working from the same well-known reference manual. If you were able to find this playbook, written by an alpha sociopath for the benefit of the trainees, here are ploys it would include. 1 . Listen intently to your targets, staring into their eyes and hanging on their every word. This encourages them to keep talking — and everything they tell you can later be used as ammunition against them. 2. Call, text and email your targets frequently. They will interpret your constant attention as a sign that you are smitten with them, and will not notice that you are e …

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We really want you to feel better — and save money

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Dr. Liane Leedom and I have been where you are — crushed after betrayal by a sociopath. We know what it’s like to feel shocked, angry and brokenhearted. It’s awful, and we want you to feel better. So we’re inviting you join Dr. Leedom in her groundbreaking webinar series so you can truly overcome narcissistic abuse.  The program is called, Skills training for recovery from narcissistic abuse, gaslighting and toxic stress, presented by Dr. Liane Leedom.  Every Wednesday, from Sept. 25 to Dec. 18, Dr. Leedom will lead an interactive webinar. She will teach you how to overcome narcissistic abuse — yes, this is something you can learn to do. She’ll teach you mindfulness and stress …

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