How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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A mother asks: ‘What is my responsibility toward my sociopathic adult son?’

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Updated for 2024. Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call, "Margaret Louise." She has a sociopathic adult son, and asks about her responsibilities regarding him.Please point me in the direction for good advice about recovering from heartache caused by my adult son, who is a sociopath. And, help me realize my responsibilities as his parent.Joshua is 33 years old. He has 3 children by 3 different women. While he is in the relationship with the women, I am blacklisted from contact with my grandchildren. As the relationships fall apart, and the mothers realize they’ve been duped, I can begin to have that cherished relationship with my grandchildren and fortunately w …

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Does he sound like a full-blown narcissist and/or sociopath? Or maybe some form of borderline personality disorder?

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "bonnie2017." Donna Andersen responds to her questions at the end of the letter. Names have been changed.Following my most recent life-shattering break-up 4 weeks ago, I happened upon your website, lovefraud.com, and found it extremely helpful and insightful! I first wanted to thank you for all the invaluable information you provide. I also wanted to tell you my sad story about my almost-baby-daddy and get your feedback. Maybe it can help others too.From January through May, I had been unknowingly dating what I thought was a narcissist (but recently realized he may actually …

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Can therapy help a psychopath? 3 key factors

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UPDATED FOR 2024. The behavior of some people in your life leaves you shocked and mystified. They tell stories that don't add up, in fact, they flat out lie. They are charming one minute and hateful the next. They hurt you, seemingly on purpose, and then act like nothing happened.You come to the conclusion that something is wrong with them. They need help. They should go to therapy.The behavior I described above is typical of psychopathy and other personality disorders. So can therapy help a psychopath?I once posted a link to an extensive article published by The Atlantic called, When Your Child Is a Psychopath, by Barbara Bradley Hagerty. I invite you to read this article, to provide …

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10 tips to start dating again after leaving a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2024. We are allowed to recover from the trauma of a relationship with a sociopath. We are allowed to move on and start dating again. In fact, if we don't move on, if we don't take our lives back, we are still in the trauma. It is healthy to put an end to it.A reporter was writing an article and sent out a query: “How do you know when to trust “your man”? I believe the answer is you can trust your man (or woman) when you can trust yourself.Victim vibesOf course, that is exactly what many of us who had multiple run-ins with sociopaths and other bad actors struggle with. How do we know that we're no longer sending out the “I'm a victim” vibes?I believe the answer is w …

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Game theory and the sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Shock. Total disbelief. Utter incomprehension. That's what we feel upon finally realizing that when the sociopath cheated on us, blew through our money, twisted our emotions and messed with our minds, to him or her it was all just a sick, depraved game.Sociopaths do not form emotional connections with other human beings. They do not experience love. They do not feel honor, altruism or concern for others. The words they speak and the actions they take have only one objective: getting what they want. To them, life is a game, and they want to win.Game theory is a field of study that, according to Wikipedia, “attempts to mathematically capture behavior in strategic situations, i …

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The sociopathic MO in three easy steps

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UPDATED FOR 2024. I have a friend who lost his wife to cancer. After a year, he started going out in search of companionship. He knew my history of being involved with a sociopath, in fact, he knew my ex, James Montgomery. So when he had a bizarre experience with woman he dated for a few weeks, my friend had questions for me.The woman claimed to be separated from her husband, although I’m not sure that was the case. She pursued my friend relentlessly, until they had sex. At some point, she made a comment about “a lion needs fresh meat.” After that, they spent an entire day together, then she unceremoniously dumped him.My friend asked, was this woman kooky like my ex?He told me more, and it so …

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Dancing as treatment for depression

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If you’re feeling depressed — and if you’re involved with a sociopath or narcissist, you certainly have reason to be depressed — how do you overcome it? Many people turn to therapy or medication, but research shows that physical exercise may be just as good. Dancing as treatment for depression is particularly effective.A new study published by the BMJ (formerly British Medical Journal) analyzed multiple previous studies with the objective of identifying the optimal dose and type of exercise for treating major depressive disorder, compared with psychotherapy, antidepressants and control conditions.“Exercise is an effective treatment for depression, with walking or jogging, yoga, and strength t …

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How the messages we hear all our lives keep us vulnerable to sociopaths

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who signed it "Tired of Being Targeted." Her letter is an opportunity to explain why we are all vulnerable to sociopaths. My son's wife sends me nasty text messages and leaves insulting voice messages. Then she complains to her husband I'm being rude and disrespectful to her. It's crazy making and she's clearly projecting.In the past I took the high road and didn't tell him but all it got me was year after year of estrangement from my son. With nobody to speak in my defense and expose the truth and her unfounded slander habit, I finally decided to send him a long letter and copy him on all her text messages. …

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How disordered motivation explains psychopathic behavior

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Why do they do it? If you've ever tangled with a psychopath, you've certainly asked yourself that question. Why do psychopaths engage in harmful and destructive behavior?Most psychopathy researchers explain the nasty behavior of these disordered individuals in terms of deficits. They say that because psychopaths lack empathy and impulse control, they engage in antisocial behavior.To Lovefraud author Dr. Liane Leedom, this makes no sense — it implies that if it weren't for empathy and impulse control, everybody would be a psychopath. Deficits don't cause behavior, she says. Motivation causes behavior.Human motivational systemsIn a chapter that she wrote for the book P …

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Vocabulary 101: 10 terms to help you name your experience with a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2024. One of the reasons why it's so difficult to explain what happens when you're involved with a sociopath is that you don't have the words. Because of the general lack of awareness about personality disorders in society, and the lack of education about it, for years there was no generally accepted terminology to describe various aspects of the experience. But descriptive language has evolved among online communities of survivors. Here are 10 terms to help you name your experience with a sociopath. When you can name it, you can begin to recover from it. 1. Love Bombing When sociopaths set about reeling you in, a key seduction strategy is love bombing. They shower you with …

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