How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Attracting better partners by releasing unhealthy beliefs

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Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Emilie": I won't go into the long, boring details of my 7+ year relationship with the sociopath that invaded my life. It's the same basic story as always and plus, I think there's some kind of email size limit. :) Ever since I ended the engagement over 3 years ago, and finally terminated the relationship itself another year after, I've made comments (in a lighthearted, self deprecating fashion) that, "if you're going to treat me like crap, then I'm the girl for you!" Yes, it gets chuckles from the people I'm around, but sadly it's true. I was watching a movie last night and was judging the characters on their level …

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Trust after betrayal by the sociopath

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For everyone here at Lovefraud, there came a time when we could no longer continue in denial. We were forced to admit that someone we trusted had betrayed us. We felt devastation, anger, humiliation, grief and every other negative emotion on a therapy checklist. We also berated ourselves for our naiveté, kicked ourselves for our gullibility, and castigated ourselves for trusting someone who shouldn't have been trusted. Overwhelmed by pain, we may have vowed that we would never trust again. Hold on. As human beings, we need to trust. Human society is built on trust. The key is to determine who is trustworthy, and who is not. Trust and human society I wrote previously about Paul …

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10 typical emotional abuse tactics that the experts don’t even measure

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No wonder mental health professionals don't seem to understand emotional abuse. In trying to conduct research about it, they don't even have a comprehensive list of typical emotionally abusive behaviors. Here are 10 behaviors that Lovefraud readers experience, time and time again, from their sociopathic partners. How many have you seen? You're blamed for everything; it's all your fault. Your partner flirts with others and cheats on you. Your partner disappears — you have no idea where he or she is, and when, or if, he or she will return. Your partner does or says something incredibly hurtful — and then acts like nothing happened. You get the silent treatment. Your par …

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Sociopaths as chameleons — they become whatever they need to be for their latest scam

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My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, considered himself to be an entrepreneur, the equal of any man who ever built a commercial empire. As he was seducing me, painting a glimmering picture of how successful and rich we would become, he proclaimed that he would be "the next Walt Disney." When Montgomery went to business meetings, he wore a jacket, trousers, and a polo shirt. He refused to wear ties, but he always had a silk square in his jacket pocket. He told me that even when he was young, he always dressed up in jackets and cravats, eschewing the psychedelic fashions of the 60s. (For more about my story, it's all in my book, Love Fraud.) So you can imagine my surprise when I …

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Sociopaths leave us totally disoriented — here’s why

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Most of us grow up believing that all people are created equal, that human beings are basically good, and everybody wants to be loved. These are the messages we learn in school, in church, and in the age of political correctness, from the media. These beliefs are the lenses through which we view the world and the people in it. Our beliefs influence how we perceive and understand the behavior of those we meet. And, for 84 percent of the population, the beliefs work just fine. Bad treatment Then we realize that someone in our life isn't treating us well. We may think this person is reacting to our behavior, that we're doing something to provoke anger or elicit criticism — after all, t …

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My cousin and the Pennsylvania pedophile priests

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Hundreds of Roman Catholic priests sexually abused thousands of children over multiple decades, according to a grand jury report released by Pennsylvania Attorney General Office on August 14. One of those children may have been my cousin, Terry Smith. Terry lived with his family in Millville, New Jersey, which is less than an hour from Philadelphia. He was a few years older than me. I remember that he was a born entertainer; he always wanted to joke around, play music and sing. I guess that's why the priests liked him. I don't know much about what Terry endured, but I did hear that he went to the Jersey shore with priests, and that he was "passed around." Perhaps he was abused by …

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Tuesday Aug. 14: Forgiving yourself for falling for the sociopath

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Lovefraud is proud and honored to be hosting a webinar with Travis Vining next week: Self-Forgiveness: Understanding and letting go of guilt Tuesday, August 14, 2018 • 8-9 pm ET • $25 Click for more info Travis will be addressing an important issue that I know many of us struggle with — overcoming our anger at ourselves for our involvement with the sociopath. I know that when I finally realized that everything I believed about my disordered ex-husband was a lie, and that my entire marriage had been nothing but a financial scam, the person I was most angry with was myself. I wish Travis had been around for me to talk to back then. In his caring, easy-going way, Travis would have …

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Watch online: He Lied About Everything

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I just watched the documentary He Lied About Everything, available online at InvestigationDiscovery.com. It's the story of Benita Alexander, who as a NBC News producer, was seduced and scammed by Dr. Paolo Macchiarini, a world-famous surgeon. I think Benita was incredibly brave in telling her story. While the good doctor was love bombing her, they both recorded plenty of videos. Benita, I'm sure, thought she was recording her fairytale romance. I don't know what was in Macchiarini's mind, because he obviously knew his whole involvement was a fake, so essentially what he recorded was evidence of his psychopathy. But viewers see the whole story, from the initial sparks to the ov …

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No clear motives in Las Vegas and Aurora, Colorado mass shootings

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James Holmes killed 12 people and wounded 58 others during the midnight showing of a Batman movie in the Aurora, Colorado movie theater. Steven Paddock killed 58 people and wounded 800 who were attending a country music festival in Las Vegas, Nevada. Both of these cases were in the news recently as experts said they do not have a clear motive in either of the two mass shootings. Holmes is serving a life sentence for the shooting, which took place on July 20, 2012. One of the court-appointed psychiatrists who interviewed him has just come out with a book, A Dark Night in Aurora: Inside James Holmes and the Colorado Mass Shootings. The other court-appointed doctor, Jeffrey L. Metzer, …

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Advice for dating again after the sociopath

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Lovefraud received the following email from the reader who posts as "Saskgirl:" I must say that your website is a lifesaver. It has helped me recover from a devastating relationship with a sociopath. It is amazing how many stories I read on your site and can totally identify with them. The people could be talking about the piece of garbage I was tangled up with. I have been single for about a year and a half and have spent a lot of that time healing and working on me. I am ready to start dating (I think) but I'm afraid that it will be disastrous for me. I was so emotionally wrecked that I'm terrified of being there again. I don't trust anyone and believe that just about every thing …

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