How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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The cardinal sign of sociopathy: Every sociopath ______!

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Lovefraud receives many letters from people who want a sign. Readers ask, "How do I know whether or not someone is a sociopath?" There is one behavior that every sociopath engages in to extreme excess. If I were only allowed one criteria for the diagnosis I would choose this behavior. If someone does not do this thing to extreme excess he/she is certainly not a sociopath. Those of you who have been involved with a sociopath know too well what this one thing is. It is lying. I enjoy reading old religious texts because I believe there is truly nothing new under the sun. It is comforting to get reassurance of that fact. I mentioned some time ago that female sociopaths are described in the …

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Lessons from New Orleans: How to come back after disaster strikes

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In 1991, I sat at the Cafe Du Monde in New Orleans, Louisiana with my five month old daughter in a stroller. I had every reason to be happy and optimistic. I was there to present the results of my research at a scientific meeting. I was about to finish residency training and move to Connecticut for a fellowship at Yale. That trip I also visited the zoo and fell in love with the city. I promised myself I would bring my daughter back when she was old enough to really appreciate the culture and history. On our trip to the zoo, I noticed a display that described what would happen to the city in the event of a major hurricane. I don't know if it is still there. I remember thinking that nothing …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Am I also a sociopath?

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Recently, a woman sent me a letter with this question/comment. Her former lover accused her of also being a sociopath, he said, "”¦The truth is that you're just like me. You're in this because you want something for yourself, for your own life”¦You're more dangerous than me, because you give the appearance of being a good person, but you're really untrustworthy and selfish." Then the woman wrote, “So my question is that I sometimes wonder if I'm sociopath too and it's the real reason we gravitated toward each other.” The psychological warfare that sociopaths engage in can leave a lover with many self doubts as this woman expresses. After my encounter with a sociopath, I too looked within my …

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Are they just evil people?

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An evil person is one who exploits or harms most everyone he/she encounters; the question of the utmost importance is do evil people share certain personality characteristics? Perhaps personality type has nothing to do with evil. We all know that every person has made bad moral choices at one time or another so perhaps people who repeatedly make bad moral choices are no different than anyone else. There are many reasons to consider whether evil people have a special or different personality type. For Lovefraud readers, the best reason is to define and learn to recognize a group of people to avoid. The assertion that evil people share a common personality type has profound philosophical and …

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Fred Brito: A con artist profiled by Dateline

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Every so often I get down on myself for having believed the lies of a con artist. When I come across stories like The Ultimate Con Artist which recently aired on Dateline, I realize that many who should have known better have been fooled. Before you read the rest of this column, follow the link and watch the video of this man. Before my own encounter with a con artist, I thought I had personally observed most of the human behavioral repertoire. I had good reason for holding that belief, having trained in psychiatry at a large general hospital that served 4 million people. I didn't think much of “con artists” in my mind they were simply people who were "good at sales." The sociopaths I saw …

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Poor impulse control: a symptom of sociopathy in men and women

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This week, I met a man in his early 20s, who approached me to ask about sociopathy. He is in search of answers regarding his former girl friend and BOTH his mother and his father. He stated he had just ended a relationship with a woman who was physically and psychologically abusive to him. He said it was hard to end the relationship because he still loved her. The man was raised by his father after his alcoholic mother abandoned the family. His father was an abusive character who also drank alcohol and paid little attention to the kids. He asked if I would explain why people are abusive psychologically and physically and why this is related to alcoholism. In answering his question, I …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Is there a gender bias against men in the diagnosis of sociopathy?

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There is gender bias in our current mental health diagnostic system. This bias occurs for three reasons. There are genuine gender differences in the manifestation of behavioral disorders. Those creating the diagnostic categories are biased. Those making the diagnoses are biased. Each of these reasons for gender bias is operative with regard to sociopathy. We would hope though that gender differences found in behavioral disorders reflect true physiologic differences between men and women. This week I will attempt to convince you that physiologic differences between men and women account for the higher prevalence of sociopathy in men. That men and women are different physiologically …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: How does one ever get over the heartache of being taken by a con artist??

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Con artists are a special category of sociopaths. In fact, most if not all are also psychopaths. If you were tricked by a con artist, I would say you are in good company, since all three of the authors on this blog were also fooled by con artists! This week one of our readers posted her story as a comment to ASK DR. LEEDOM: FAQ #1 “Why is this so hard for us mentally?” Her post illustrates many of the important characteristics of a con: In 1998 I was ripped off by a con artist, whom I met through a personal ad. I was going through a very serious depression at the time, and that's when I met him. He seemed like a breath of fresh air, very intelligent, different than other men I had met. He …

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Exercise to treat depression and anxiety

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The trauma that a sociopath inflicts on those who love him/her can be exceptionally difficult to overcome. In the wake of a relationship with a sociopath, former partners can suffer with clinical depression, generalized anxiety, PTSD and panic disorder. All of these conditions are said to respond to SSRI antidepressants like Prozac and to psychotherapy. However, many people have written to Lovefraud.com lamenting that antidepressants and psychotherapy have not been particularly effective for them. The one good thing about a crisis is that it can be an opportunity to make major life change. I am a firm believer that it is possible to come out of a crisis better and stronger. I am also …

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New hope for the children of sociopaths

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Those who have read Just Like His Father? know that sociopathy is a disorder with a strong genetic basis. Science has further established a genetic link between sociopathy, addiction and ADHD. The children of sociopaths, therefore, carry genetic risk for sociopathy, addiction and ADHD. If a genetically at-risk child receives special nurturing during the developmental years, prior to puberty, he/she has the greatest chance to grow up free of these disorders. To attach real numbers to the problem of sociopathic parents and their children, consider that 25% of U.S. women are victims of domestic violence. Studies of male perpetrators of domestic violence reveal that 50% are sociopaths and …

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