I'm sure many of us here have read Susan Jeffers' modern classic “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” — it's a book that invites us to understand and accept our natural feelings of fear and then use them to do something different and create a more positive life as a result. I first came across the book when I studied as a Louise Hay trainer back in 1997 and I still regard it as a hugely relevant, well-written piece of work that offers practical advice for many situations. Well, this week has been another opportunity for me to once again face my own fears — and also to acknowledge a few more of the hidden ones that have been sitting there niggling away in the background! Friday 13th was round t …
Deliberate Cruelty From Someone Who Is Meant To Care
Last week I found myself in an intimidating situation that required me to put all my skills of resilience in to practice. I was in the hands of a professional person who should be there to care for others. I was in a hugely vulnerable position, yet instead of receiving care, I felt myself being belittled, bullied and threatened. The person dishing out this particularly cruel treatment was a senior doctor in a private clinic, where I am a patient. A few years ago I would probably have put up with his behaviour, or brushed it off as being just something I mis-read — but not this time. Not now. Not ever again. So I thought I'd share my story here on Lovefraud. As you already k …
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They Just Can’t Understand – Why It’s So Hard To Explain The Truth To Others
This week's post is based on recent experiences and inspired by this comment posted on a previous article — “the eyes see only what the mind knows” (thank you ”˜woundlicker'). It's the on-going subject about how on earth we can open other peoples' eyes about the psychopaths who live and breathe among us. My recent experiences have highlighted, yet again, how tricky it is for people to get their head around this kind of information — let alone accept that they have been duped! I often think back to the early days after I discovered the truth about my ex, and how puzzling I found it when people just didn't seem to believe me when I told them what had happened. No matter how many reams of bl …
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Authenticity – After The Sociopath, Finding Peace In Being Real
This week I've been thinking a great deal about how we move back to authenticity after having lived in a false reality with a sociopath. After all, like so many of us here, when I was in the grips of that particular relationship, I believed that everything was real at the time. More than real in actual fact — it was all my dreams come true! So now, I'm wondering, how do I know — really know — whether I'm living in an authentic way or once again falling in to a contrived existence that is nothing more than imagination or self-deception? Yes it's true that I am physically free from him (and have been for nearly three years thank goodness) but am I really free from the thought patterns that had …
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When Love Isn’t Real – The Shame Of Deception
I've just travelled back from the UK today, and during my journey I read an article that made me sit up and take notice. It's the story about a teenage girl, Gemma Barker, who created three separate male aliases in order to dupe her female friends in to sexual relationships with her. She had made enormous efforts to develop and maintain these aliases. She succeeded so well, in fact, that not only the victims but also their families were fooled in to believing that Gemma was a boy. Whilst it's claimed that she suffers from autism spectrum disorder and ADHD, the judge still called her “Cunning and deceptive” and the report states that she showed no remorse when handed her sentence. Ring any bel …
Saying “Yes” Without Reading The Small Print
This week my post is inspired by a throw-away comment from my son. We were sitting in the kitchen, eating vegetable soup together while he downloaded a new app for my iPhone that will allow us to stay in contact more easily when I'm in the UK. As is often the case, the carrier has updated their terms and conditions so, before I could complete the download, I had to agree the changes. “You don't really want to read the 55 pages of new terms and conditions do you Mum?” asked Dylan, just checking the seemingly obvious before checking the “I agree” box. I laughed and shook my head - of course I didn't! And that's when he said “Did you know that's the biggest lie that people tell — not just on …
There’s Always A Gift – Even When The Situation Seems Hopeless
It's been a funny old week for me. I am within spitting distance of completing a final piece of the jigsaw that releases me from my past — infuriatingly it's still so close and yet so far. Over the past couple of years I've learned that some things just can't be rushed. I've also learned that patience is indeed a virtue and that, contrary to the many messages I have been told throughout my life, I've realised that now I do possess it... in bucket loads! True, I still might kick and sulk a little when I'm required to demonstrate that particular skill — but there is no question. I can do it, and when necessary, it's something that I've found can be exceptionally useful. Funny, don …
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Dancing With Myself
It's Valentines Day today — a day that, I'm quite sure, can generate bittersweet memories for many. If I choose to think about this festival only in association with the traditional interpretations of cupid, love, relationships, romance and all that entails then yes, I could indeed become sad and morbid myself. I might be tempted to dwell on the past and mourn the ”˜what if' scars that are the war wounds I usually wear with pride. It's even possible that I might even fall in to the trap of once again berating myself for allowing myself to be duped”¦ Associations. Thoughts. Patterns. Behaviours. These are all fascinating tools that I honestly believe are here with an intention to serve us w …
The Ducking Stool
This week I'm inspired to write after receiving a distressing email from a friend of mine on Saturday night. This particular friend of mine is, like all of us here, someone who knows what it's like to be conned and manipulated. Like so many of us, she struggled to make sense of what had happened — the explanations coming just as hard to herself as to her friends and family. Particularly, of course, those who had known her sociopathic husband and had also been taken in by his charming lies. This particular lady, though, rather than hide herself away or hope things would just disappear, instead decided to write a book about her experiences. Now translated in to several languages, her story h …
Shame And Silence
There has been a story in the UK news this week that touched my heart. It's a story of a ruthless abuser who controlled, abused and manipulated their partner. Sounds familiar? Two years of mental, emotional and financial cruelty, the physical injuries alone resulted in the need for corrective surgery. The attacks included bleach sprayed in the eyes. Lit cigarettes up the nose. Fractured skull. Cracked ribs. Repeated scalding with an iron and boiling water and attacks with a claw hammer. And yet even after all that ill-treatment, the victim has not lost faith in finding another partner. These are the touching words that reached out to me and brought tears to my eyes: “It's going to be di …