By Ox Drover
I got to thinking today about being stronger now than I was prior to the last experience with the psychopaths in my life ”¦ but when I really got to thinking about it, I realized I have actually always been as strong as I am now, I just didn’t know it or take advantage of it.
One of the reasons that humans are able to work horses, mules and oxen to pull heavy loads is because the beasts we use for our labor do not realize their strength. They don’t realize the absolute brute force power they have over us. We “control” them because they allow it.
Why do they allow it? The answer is because they are not aware of the strength and power that they have, so they allow us to take it from them and use it for our own benefit. We may “give back” something to them, like food and care for what they give us in the form of their obedience and labors, but the bottom line is that any time they realize that they have the power and strength to break away they could do it. Even if we were to abuse them, not feed them, they would still allow us to use their labor until they dropped over dead of starvation, because they don’t know any better. They don’t recognize that they don’t really “need” us to furnish feed, they could run away and find grass to fill their bellies and not labor for us. They just don’t know it. Even the fences I have around my farm are not strong enough to hold them if they really want through them, but merely “suggestions” for them to stay on this side of it. If they wanted through, the wire and posts would topple.
When we start training oxen, which are really nothing but baby calves (no special breed of animal just cattle), we are stronger than they are, and if necessary, we could wrestle them to the ground, and we also teach them that we are the “food gods” and that ALL GOOD things come from us, as well as some pretty painful ones if they do not conform to our alpha position in the “herd.” When you get right down to it, in many ways we (humans) control animals the way that psychopaths control their victims. The only difference is that I actually care about my animal’s welfare and am emotionally attached to them, whereas a psychopath really doesn’t care much about their victim’s welfare or health.
Intermittent reinforcement
In training animals, trainers use “intermittent reinforcement.” The psychologist B. F. Skinner wrote that this brings on a stronger “bond” with a given behavior than if you rewarded them every time they did the behavior. That’s why a “slot machine” will keep someone stuffing money into it, because gamblers are just sure that “NEXT time” it will give them the jackpot. Psychopaths also use the intermittent reward system with us, and we keep hoping that by doing what they want, the NEXT TIME we will get the “jackpot” reward from them.
We could rebel and tell them to take their intermittent rewards and shove them, that we are not going to knuckle down and be their victims, to “pull their plows” by going to work and giving them our money, but we don’t rebel against them. We are unaware that we have the strength and power to rebel, to stand up on our own. If we are earning the living and giving them the money, why do we need them? If s/he is earning the living and we are staying home taking care of the kids all the time, still, what do we need them for?
Power and strength
We have the power and strength to take care of ourselves if we will just recognize it, acknowledge it and then use it. One working parent, taking care of the children and still making a living and a home, is still a “better deal” for children than one good, nurturing parent who is stressed and depressed most or all of the time because of the drama and abuse from a psychopathic partner.
I really am no stronger today than I was back in the midst of the psychopathic chaos, when I was literally huddled on the floor in the fetal position, emotionally “sucking my thumb,” fearing I would be killed by my psychopathic stalkers any minute.
My psychopathic son doesn’t hate me any less, most of my other relatives are no more supportive than they were back then, but I feel stronger. I feel safer. I feel better, because I recognize that I am strong enough to protect myself as much as anyone can. I can live a good life, a happy life, a healthy life, and take control of my own life. I don’t have to give that control and strength and power to anyone.
I can reward and reinforce my own good behavior, I can exercise my power, my strength and my autonomy to be what I want to be, to be the best that I can make myself.
KatyDid
Stargazer,
OXY did thank God for snakes and she shared that all the earthquakes that are happening in Arkansas is her GAS.
petite
Hi Katy,
thanks. I can be quite silly and not get the sarcasm right away. (smile).
trying hard to give let go of the dream and accept my shortcomings and weaknesses.
get scared when the thoughts of “he may change” enter my mind, have to remind myself, a narcissist only lives for himself and will never never never consider you in the equation except for what he can get out of you.
your thoughts.
petitie
ElizabethBennett
Oxy did thank GOd for snakes and rats-I saw her do it!
KatyDid
Petite,
How do you feel without the jerk? Well that’s as good as it gets with them, what you feel now is the NORMAL feeling of life with them BUT… It can get worse. It totally screwed up NoLa’s life.
KatyDid
NoLA, as long as she doesn’t KISS them…
KatyDid
NoLa, Do you have someone, a therapist or life coach to talk to? You need to get your head into a positive place, then good things will fall into place for you. In the meanwhile, what are you doing to nurture your spirit?
petite
Katy,
I feel much much more at peace without him. I do not have to worry if he is with another woman, walk on egg shells, I have my own life back in my hands, not having to rely on him for my happiness.
I did not feel this way with him, during the latter six months of the 1 year that I was holding the dream with him.
so I cannot understand when you said – what I feel now is the normal feeling that I would feel of life with him.
becoz with him I did feel worse than what I am feeling now.
I am calm and at peace now, except for backsliding thoughts of the dream and moments of magical thinking that he may change,
petite
ElizabethBennett
Katy-it’s not a carb drug. It’s actually a neurological drug that is used for several things-migraines, seizures, nerve pain. I was prescribed it in 2005 for a pinched nerve due to a herniated disc. When I was on it, it took all my carb cravings away and I was able to go on sugar busters and lose 45 lbs in 8 months. It was a side effect of the drug. It’s called topamax. You would have to find a doc that is willing to put you on it for that reason. Going on it for weight loss is off label. My MD did it though because she knows that I am desperate to be a cop and wants to help me get off weight. She thinks that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, but she was shocked that all my labs turned out normal. She said that my body behaves like I have it. We are trying this drug first to get rid of the carb cravings and get an initial amount of weight off and then hopefully switch to metformin after that. I’m going to start tweaking my diet though and doing some supplements that Dr Oz recommends. I love Dr. Oz. Another side effect of this drug though is my hands and fingers fall asleep sometimes and it can cause decreased sweating. So I have to watch out in the summertime, when I workout outside in the NOLA heat. That’s also why I need to increase my water back to a gallon a day. The heat will be on us in no time.
Stargazer
Oxy’s gas caused an earthquake? ??? ???
Damn! Remind me never to eat what she eats. LOL
Snakes and rats are both adorable. Too bad they like to prey on each other. That’s not so adorable.
KatyDid
Oh NoLa2BCop,
Just to encourage you, my daughter is a soldier. She’s actually a supersoldier. She loves that ultimate fighting chite. But she’s super smart, and got super fit from her traing. The military has been VERY good for her. She has offers for foreign diplomat service, and some gov agencies. Plus she finished her degree (dropped out to join the Army, uggg. said mom.) but she also has THREE years education pass when she gets out, to get another masters.
You are right, if you’re 100 lbxover, you probably aren’t fit enough to pass basic. So go talk to a recruiter. They may have pointers, or even workout plans for ya. Don’t SIGN anything. Just get the info and keep it as an option. I’m jsut saying, for those who diss the military, it ain’t what it used to be. There’s a lot of sharp opportunity, tech jobs etc. You know, mil police puts you on career course for JAG where you could be the kind of cop you wanna be and they need.