By | December 20, 2009 456 Comments

Choose to break your addiction to a sociopath in 2010!

The New Year brings you a great opportunity to change your life for better health and well-being. In preparation for a better life, consider how recovering from loving a sociopath/psychopath is like recovering from addiction. Since the New Year is an opportunity, let’s take the time to focus on recovery.

A good friend of mine is struggling with substance addiction. This addiction is very similar to what many of you face because my friend was highly functioning before the addiction which started at mid-life. Before the addiction, he functioned well and was very productive. There is no obvious reason for my friend to be now at the verge of death from stimulants.

When we recently discussed his addiction, I asked my friend to consider what goes through his mind at the moment he decides that the best thing for him to do with his time is to use speed. I admitted being baffled about why he would make that choice. There are so many other ways he could spend his time and he knows that. He said, “When I don’t use, I feel great”¦ Then I use”¦I am an addict.”

Although I am generally in favor of people identifying their problems, in this case, “I am an addict” seemed like a quick excuse used to avoid really taking responsibility for his choices. After some reflection he did say to me, “You are right, it feels like a compulsion, but I guess it is a choice.”

Maybe you face a similar struggle. Instead of battling addiction, you are battling the love you feel for a sociopath. Just like my friend, even though you feel a compulsion to call the sociopath, you too have a choice to make. You can either choose to spend your time doing things that will bring you health and wellness or you can choose to spend time with that sociopath/psychopath.

During our talk, my friend reflected that he feels empty and bored at the time he chooses to use. The speed is a quick fix for the emptiness and boredom.

Many of you go about your lives just fine, then you end up home alone one day with nothing to do. Feeling bored, it suddenly occurs to you that your best choice is to call that sociopath. At the moment of boredom and emptiness all the pain the person caused you is not accessible to your consciousness. All you think about is the fun you had together. This fun is a marked contrast to the boredom and emptiness you feel in the moment. Since you feel sentimental, you think it is OK to make that call.

If you are waiting to feel repulsion for the sociopath before you disengage, you may be waiting for a very long time. The pleasant memories may always be tied to the love you feel which will be activated when you slow down and give yourself time to think. You have to make a conscious decision to make better choices for yourself. This decision has to be independent of however you feel in the moment. The decision to break away and remain free is a leap of faith in the belief that your future can be better “sociopath free.”

OK so how did you get to this place where you decide your best option is to choose to be with a sociopath/psychopath?

Just like my friend with speed addiction, during the relationship, you gave up on many of the activities that used to be meaningful to you. Also like my friend, you left friends, family members and hobbies behind. Maybe you also now surround yourself with other very dysfunctional people.

Getting free means choosing to spend your time in healthier ways; it means connecting with the love you feel for the friends and family members you abandoned when you chose the sociopath. You have to reconnect to the “you” that existed before this relationship.

You also have to admit that it is very selfish for you to hold on to your love for the sociopath. You likely have people who are counting on you to be a friend, parent or devoted family member. You can’t be there for others who need you as long as you hold on to the sociopath. Stopping then, means thinking of those other people. You do have a duty to them, much more than you have a duty to the sociopath.

You might benefit from combining all your New Year’s resolutions into one: Resolve to live a life of greater physical, psychological and spiritual well-being.

Make a commitment to fill your boredom and emptiness with activities that will build you up and make you healthy. If you are overweight, the CDC says you need an hour of exercise each day. There is a world out there full of fascinating possibilities, you can find them if you try.

Now I’d like to introduce you to a couple of friends who have brought joy, meaning and healing to my family. Each day when we walk and play with our dogs, the dysfunction brought into our lives by a psychopath feels very far away.

Ibizan Hounds

Use the comment section below to make your own lists of things you can do in the New Year, rather than wasting your time and precious life energy with a sociopath.

Other articles on addiction to a sociopath:

Ask Dr. Leedom: I am really sick, aren’t i?

How does one ever get over the heartache of being taken by a con artist?

Why is this so hard for us mentally?

A deeper understanding of love, ourselves and the sociopath

Why you can be addicted to a sociopath

I don’t understand why I still care

Sheep can teach us about love and it’s pretty scary!

Love, sex, your brain and sociopaths

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Ox Drover

Dear Liane,

A great article (as always) and one that is very timely for all of us during this holiday season since Holidays seem to bring out a longing in us for family and friends, and sometimes tend to make us lonely if our holiday doesn’t meet the media standards of a “gala housefull of loving people.”

I hope your friend is able to make his break from his addiction, and to make good healthy choices in the future. Because, as you pointed out so rightly, everything we do is OUR CHOICE and in order to take care of ourselves, we must make HEALTHY CHOICES.

Happy holidays to you and yours! and pet the puppies on the head for me! (((Hugs))) and God bless you and yours!


Long before I knew what His problem was and found the Label for His Character and LF. I knew I was addicted to Him! I wrote it down in a dayplanner, get rid of the addiction! But I had that false hope that if I gave him one more chance He could change and maintain! Never Gona Happen! They don’t have rehab for Phycopaths for a reason! Addictions are hard to break! But Chaos and abuse do not make good relationships!
It’s been nearly two years now thanks to LF and all the Real People Here! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all!


So sorry to break in this thread – Mike the X just showed up here after almost two years no contact.. The dogs started barking I saw a new black truck outside it was him so i quickly closed door and curtains he got out of truck walked around back of house i am sure he was looking for his cat. he knoicked on door i did not open it..he new i was home – he left drove over to neighbors wich confirms to me he was lookin for cat – i had told him to years ago that the cat had taken up with the neighbors – i gave the cat to my son…. he was driving a new truck – i think he was wqanting to show it off cause i lost my truck the same kind a tundra because of him i am having a attack call me oxy please



i hope oxy has called you.

breather dear breathe. he isn’t there right now. breathe in and tighten the muscles in your hand, breathe out and just let it loosen. do it again and pay atention to the release, see if you can make it last longer the third time…then move to your other hand, then your feet…etc. one muscle group at a time. This WILL lower your anxiety.


everyone online will be here for you. don’t doubt it.

one step



the picture of your dogs in the sunset on the beach is inspiring to me. i can feel that freedom.

now i just have to stare at that picture for awhile and figure out my next small step.

one step

Ox Drover

Henry, you know me CRS, no number—call me I will call you back! Love Oxy


Dear Henry, there must be something in the air that they tend to show up these days.

You live on your own in a remote aerea, aren’t you? Is there the possibility to call someone you trust just to stay with you right now? Or do you have trustworthy neighbors? I would inform them if they do not already know that you split up two years ago and that you consider this stalking now as you made it clear not to be contacted again. If X drove to them they also can tell X to steer clear.

My heart goes out to you, and I hope you will soon be better!
I had my trigger moment this very morning (X sent me a very manipulative letter), and I had to call my mother and my sister whom both hate the X and got validation from them, and then I also came here and got validation by one step.
I could not have done it so quickly all on my own. Good for you to come here!


hey libelle,

i have been thinking the last 2 days that the spath i tangled with may try to get in touch, you know to ‘wish me merry christmas’.

there is one way left that she might be able to get to me (besides post) and it is complicated for me to deal with it – timing and money (as usual), but i think i better deal with it today.

when my spidey senses start tingling i am picking up info.

i do, however hope she sends me a card. 😉 one more thing for the lawyer! okay, that’s a bit weird;cause i know it would upset me. i have this history of sacrificing myself to ideas. i need to stop that. I am reading the betrayal bond and it speaks to this thing that i do.

i hope you do someting really nice for yourself today. small or large, but nice!

one step


it was just unexpected, caught me off gaurd, intimadation on his part – i guess – dont know what it was other than to show off that he is doing well, driving a new truck , looking for his cat he abandoned 2 years ago – it wasnt because he missed me – i didnt give him the opportunity to talk to me, i guess most folks would think i am weak and afraid of him – he damaged me physcologically the three years he was here…I could of shot him but dont want to go to prison over a peice of shit like him…here all these months i feel like i love him – i ran him off in order to survive him – why cant he just die? – the decision would be made then – i would have no choice – it would be made for me…….


oh henry,


i am sorry he won’t just die. I DO have access to a big truck….

when my ‘love bits’ come up (which they do on almost a daily basis) i am sobered by some horrid thing – thinking i might be in a court room with her made me VERY aware of my fear of her, which is MY DESIRE TO PROTECT MYSELF.

you are not weak. you are protective. good for you.

forgive me a moment of fantasy of you opening the door and leveling the gun at his heart area (ya know, that EMPTY place in his chest)

take good care. glad oxy connected 🙂

one step

ps – he doesn’t give a shit about the cat either. fucker.


Dear Henry, TOWANDA!!!! X tried to get you out of control by you opening the door and contacting and talking to X, but you did JUST GREAT!!!! NO CONTACT, NO HINT TO HIM, he could not even peep into your room. It must have embarrassing X knowing you were there and X could not get a hold on you. You made the first step today to break away from the X-addiction. In German there is a saying “Er ist keinen Schuss Pulver wert”, means “he is not worth one shot of gunpowder”, not even worth to bother shooting him. Whether dead or alive, it does NOT MATTER! X is insignificant.

You made closure today, by not opening the door! A very strong statement!

X bothered to come up to try to impress you, even spent money for gas on driving to you but you did not even notice; you did not come out to wonder where X got the bucks from, how much horsepower the engine has it has, where X lives now. No, you just closed the shades to not be embarrassed by a naught look that has no importance to you.

And by the way, trucks are WAY overrated these days, specially since they are not environment friendly.

Whenever you feel the urge to call X or miss the “good times”, remember the feeling you have now. Instead of “remember the Alamo!” “Remember the truck!” You will get better with time I am sure!

I get triggered by small airplanes, it is vanishing though with time, and my dear X made a HUGE mistake when he ever tried to reel me back in putting a very expensive stamp with an AIRPLANE on the letter he sent yesterday.

You can be very proud of yourself!!!! I almost got an attack by a LETTER, and you stood your man while the jerk was creeping in your garden and knocked on your door! Just imaging it I really do not need the “Crime time”suspense on the telly this evening! Well done!

Ox Drover

Dear Henry,

((((darling Henry)))))) I think it was the SUDDENESS and the UNexpectedness of him showing up like that and VIOLATING your space by walking around your place like he did—much less driving up there. Even knowing you were home, even though it did upset you, HE DID NOT GET TO KNOW THAT because you kept the blinds down and the door closed.

He wanted, I am sure to show off how “well” he is doing now without you because when you tossed him out he had nothing and will never really have anything that you have, a home o fhis own, a loving family, kids or grandkids or deep relationships or friendships with anyone. He is a NOTHING, a VOID.

He wanted to pretend to you that hew as just doing “great” and “look what a great truck I have” (bet it isn’t even his) and to strut and look like big stuff in front of you and make you jealous of him. DUH!>!!! You, jealous of that piece of crap? Not only no, but hell no! If it is any consolation I think he is still stinging from you throwing him out and he didn’t get any satisfaction today either. Sure, if you had come to the door while he was wandering around your place and VIOLATING your space (which is what he intended t o do) was to SAY he was looking for his cat (Don’t you just know that after two years ofdoing nothing but worrying about that poor cat, he just HAD to find her today? ROTFLMAO)

He reminds me of my X-friends that left all their stuff in my storage building and then assured me they would be back before June 1 to get it, then I didn’t hear from them for 8-9 months and then they had “lost my telephone number” was why they couldn’t contact me—which they did by E mail, it wasn’t like they could ONLY contact me by telephone. ha ha

They have always got to have some kind of EXCUSE and I am sure you were right about his, the cat! LOL But just as I know my X-friend COULd have contacted me by e mail if it was TRUE that he had lost my number (I doubt that at all) but they always want some excuse for their behavior that sounds “rational.”

How about this one for Mike?

” I know you don’t want me here, but I just came over today to pretend to be looking for my cat, because I have someone’s new truck to drive for the day and I wanted you to think I am doing well, though I am actually still living out of boxes and plastic trash bags, but I wanted you to think you really missed out on something great by throwing me out. That way I can feel better about myself and maybe if this new guy throws me out I might be able to worm myself back into your place so I don’t have to be on the street.”



I certainly don’t think you were weak and I don’t believe anyone else here would think that either! I think you are very strong.

I think it took GREAT STRENGTH to do what you did. By showing up unexpectantly this tends to throw a person off guard. When your caught off guard often times that is when we are at are most vulnerable….
YOU however kept your wits about you…..Think about that.

I am sooo impressed by your quick thinking 🙂



You inspire me with what you did, staying so strong with him right there. And though I haven’t been here in awhile, you always inspired me before – you have such a great sense of humor
and wit – with alot of depth as a person. I’m glad you are who you are and that you share with everyone here!


Thanks to all again, what nice things you all have said. I mite of opened the door but I was in my blue plaid flannel pajama bottoms with my comfy orange sweater. Hadnt even combed my hair or shaved. Whatever it was that he wanted he didnt get it. Fuck the new truck, it dont nean diddly shit to me. I think about him alot and ponder if he would ever show up here. Was he carrying flowers or gifts or a card? Hell no – just here to smear his putrid scent on my space is all. Glad I didnt open door tho as I was trembling with anxiety. Gonna make it through this thanks to all my work on myself and the friendship I have here…thank you



well we can all be thankful that you weren’t freshly coiffed and dapper! LOL

…man, that desire to mean something to them is deep, eh?

i hope you can do something really nice for yourself today, something ‘ordinary’ – to help bring your hormone levels back into whack.

do you have vid cameras? sure EB could get you a deal.

all best,
one step


Henry, not opening the door, etc….that was the best and bravest thing to do. I would hope I would have the same strength to do that. Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


PS Love the dog photos!


LianneLeedom I am sorry I jumped in on your very well written thread this morning. His unexpected and unwelcomed visit caught me off gaurd. This has reaffirmed that I dont love him or feel that addiction to him. I know what he is and what he is all about. Your dogs are beautiful….heres to a healthier new year for us all~!



Those two dogs are gorgeous. I have 2 cats and they have been the best therapy for me.
I am still having dreams about him. I was with him giggling and kissing him. I woke up feeling like I had let myself down, broken my promise to myself…I do drink to ease the emptiness.

I have never really recovered the energy I had before meeting him. I guess I’m depressed. I can’t seem to reconcile, get closure. Addiction is like obsession and at some level I’m still obsessed.

I surrender to a power greater than myself….isn’t that the first step? I’m going No Contact (ha ha as if I ever really had contact with him in the first place…)

Here’s to a psycho free New Year….and if I have to be with him, then perhaps the safest place is in my dreams! The drinking alone will have to stop, it’s getting worse. I am substituting the love I got with alcohol. There was never any love, and the alcohol is an empty bottle too. I have lost confidence in trusting my self to even know what love is.

Brittany Murphy is dead. Her husband has a few of the signs…I feel for her, she was very beautiful, vulnerable and possibly fell into the hands of a P…maybe I am totally wrong!


Henry, I just got caught up on your close encounter from earlier today. Wow. It amazes me that after all this time, your ex has some nerve to just show up. I, like others here, certainly don’t think you were weak! Good to hear you feel comfortable about the outcome of the event.

Ox Drover

Sorry, but who is Brittany Murphy?

Staying sane, Dear, you are so right! Love YOURSELF. You deserve to be loved! Especially by ourselves! We all do! congratulations on putting the bottle down, it is an empty bottle and only brings more pain! (((hugs))) and my prayers for you! Merry Christmas! and a P-FREE New Year!


Stayingsane, your point that addiction is like obsession reminds me of something I once read (here on Lovefraud?)about how the N/S don’t love, they become obsessed — intensity mistaken for intimacy.

The intensity of our experiences with them is something we too can ponder as we continue unraveling what the attachment was all about, as part of our ongoing recovery into 2010.


Oxy: Brittany Murphy is a 32 year old actress, she seemingly died of heart attack (little early? she seems to have been fund in the shower this morning. Was Ex of Ashton Koucher) I will inform you further after my next trip to the hairdresser with all the tabloids.

Henry: I am so glad you do better, and that you have nice neighbours!

I calculated that the jerk spent at least 140 $ on this trip if you count it all! (gas, amortisation, taxes, fees etc, if you calculate it per mile). Wow! And you were so ungreatful!!! Naughty boy!!! 😉

Ox Drover

Dear Libelle,

I thought the name sounded familiar but I don’t keep up with the latest gossip on the “stars”—32 is quite young for a heart attack, you are right there, but could be either drugs or congenital heart defect–or who knows, murder? I assume the tabloids will drag up all the dirt they can on her. anything for a “story”– I hope she didn’t have any little kids. Sad.


He did this for 2 possible reasons (1) to show off his new truck. (2) He is moving back to Arkansas close to Ox and wants his cat ( his current bf would not let him have the cat.) But whatever – I am glad he is not driving the little white ford ranger that I bought him, now maybe I can look at white ford rangers with out cringing..He is not my problem anymore. If he pays me an unexpected visit once every two years I will consider it a reminder as to why I have boundaries now. If he continues to visit more than that I will get a gallon of purple paint and throw on his pretty black truck and let him splain that to his current sugarbooger.


There is a saying, I’m told, in AA that says “get busy, get better” and it seems that is part of the point of this blog post. Also, I think I remember the dogs of Dr. Leedom are rescue dogs. Regardless I think another thing that helps heal is reaching out to someone who needs your help. I just adopted a very old dog. He is wonderful and so loving. And he clearly needed a home. He has given me so much happiness.

For me, I had to get INCREDIBLY busy before the obsessing went away. It has, most of the time.

And I AM resolving to start exercising again. It’s been a year since I did!



I just love the way you talk. I use to have a friend that used words like, skeered and splain. There is others that I recalled from your posts that he used but I can’t remember them at the moment. It’s strange but there is something so heartwarming in it for me.

I’m sorry that the P put you through that this morning. They just can’t stand to be forgotten, I think.
I believe that you are a beautiful soul, Henry. God Bless You.


Heavenbound _ Your a sweetheart. I had a meltdown this morning but doing better now. You know me, I try to find humor when I can. Glad you like my okie lingo. And I hope you are doing well.

Ox Drover

Dear Henry,

If he moves down here close to me, he is making a BIG mistake and you know that one! I am the most heavily guarded old battle ax in the world, with two–count them TWO armed body guards most of the time, and at least ONE all the time! to say nothing of the fact that I also pack heat! LOL ROTFLMAO

Purple paint! Great idea! Get you a can and set in just inside your front door with a screwdriver laying on the top so if he shows up again you don’t have stop or delay to hunt a screwdriver to open it with! LOL ROTFLMAO and Maybe you can get a cat and dip it into the paint and throw it on the truck! Ha ha

My x FIL the P had an XKE and his garage was an open one and the neighborhood cats got on his hood and left dirty foot prints so he strung a HHOT WIRE (110 volt) across the top of the hood, and when those kitties hit tha thot wire, their feet went into HIGH GEAR SCRATCH OUT AND CLAWED CLEAN TRHOUGH THE PAINT RIGHT DOWN TO THE METAL on the Hood of his car! I loved it!!!!!!

My stinking cat that I had to spend so much money on and take into the house to keep her from being persecuted by my son C’s PSYCHOPATHIC cats (who live outside because they are destructive monsters!) has taken over this house as the QUEEN BEE, she is getting smarter too. I keep her out of my bedroom at night so she can’t fight with the dog at night and a cat/dog fight go across my head in the middle of the night, but every time I open the door, she SCOOTS in and run s under the bed. I was teasing her out with a raccoon tail on a string tied to a long dowel rod like a fishing pole, only to catch cats! But she has gotten wise to that now that I use it to lure her out of teh bedroom. I think ALL Cats are psychopaths! They are put on earth by God to test our patience and sanity and to see if we can out smart them. dogs have masters and cats have STAFF! BTW research has now determined (really, not a joke) that cat’s purr has a high pitched frequency that brings out the nurturing instincts in humans—well, at least non-psychopathic ones! That answers a lot of questions for me about cats! LOL ROTFLMAO


a purple cat – ox your my twisted sister i love ya~!

Ox Drover

Can you just imagine what a cat covered in purple paint flung onto that truck would DO!?!!! ROTFLMAO Of course you need to use water based paint so the cat won’t get hurt or sick! LOL I laughed and still laugh about my X-FIL and the hot wire over his XKE, served him right! Poor kitties got their revenge on him! No tellign what it cost him to get the car repainted. LOL and he was such a skin flint too.

Yea, I AM a twisted sister, but you already knew that didn’t you!? Who else would ride a black jack ass with a pheasant feather hat? LOL Well, I’m going to bed you guys have a good evening. I just got a call from son D and he arrived at his destination safe and sound, and will be home 12/26!

Hecates path


I haven’t been aorund LF much the last weeks – life has been non-stop busy – school conferences and my kids and I have been taking turns being sick since before Thanksgiving… it has been a rough couple weeks. Amidst that, I had a minor setback in my own recovery when a couple of conversations about, and two chance sightings of, the s-ex (Matt, I REALLY like that distinction of s- ex rather than ex-s!!!) (one in my very own school) that caused me to have a major PTSD flashback/anxiety episode. I worked through it – but like you was caught off gurad by the intensity of the emotions he still evokes. You, my friend did a wonderful job of keeping yourself safe. Knowing how my episode felt I can only imagine the spectrum of your emotions today when he came to your house. I was panicked for you just reading your words because I can’t ever seem to shake the feeling that my s-ex is not “gone” for good and like a bad penny will make an appearance when the need suits him. My IRL friend says I am crazy to think that because time has passed… but your experience of a “visit” two year after the fact reminds me that I am right and we can never underestimate them. I am so sorry you were so blindsided, but as I said you did a wonderful job and reached out for help and support to help you stay strong. Your shout out to Oxy was especially touching and spoke so much to the power of the love and support people get and give here… this place is truly a blessing. Many hugs and good thoughts to you, Henry… you faced the devil and won by not opening the door physically and symbolically.
xo Hecates Path

PS – Oxy and Erin B I caught your replies to me several weeks back and didn’t get to acknowledge them at the time. Just wanted you to know that I hadn’t forgotten and that you taking the time to reply to me was apppreciated. 🙂


(((Hecates)))) Your post is just what I needed to finish off this hectic day on a good note. It is great to see you here. Thank you for your kind words. I am not stressed or hyper-vigilant about it. Was just caught off gaurd. One year ago I would if been a basket case.. I am sorry you also had a bad encounter with the s-ex. xo henry


Before I go to bed I want to thank ‘everyone’ that helped me through a difficult day – thanks to Donna for this site.


hope you have a good sleep Henry! take care.



Thanks for your lovely kind words, I think we all need lots of warmth, kindness and love to combat the steely ice cold abuse of a P/S So I really appreciate it.

Brittany Murphy was a very whimsical, ditzy, talented very vulnerable actress. I loved her in the ‘dead girl’ and ‘Girl interrupted’ she was in great comedies with Ashton Kutcher
She married a guy 4 weeks into the relationship, history of cons and scams and filling her head with ‘dubious rubbish’

I liked her and I suppose was mildly watching her rise to fame and the relationships she had. Its a real unexpected death as she was only 32

Ox Cats are Egyptian Gods and Godesses remember that! they indeed have staff, and I have no problem with it! once they are given respect and okay a little more pampering than most animals…they are born luxurious and it’s their nature to be adored. Yes slightly psychopathic especially with the mouse! but those little faces and the blinky eyes!!!

Ox Drover

Ah, Yes, Stayingsane, I can understand why the Egyptians thought that cats were gods, CATS THINK THEY ARE GODS! LOL But so do the Ps. LOL Yes, my little(she is VERY tiny only 5 pounds) cat thinks that she has found nirvana in the house and that the dog is her toy and we are her servants. The only rule she respects is to stay off the counters! At least that is ONE rule of the house she respects.

She does return lots of entertainment for us “worshipping” her though and keeps us in stitches with her kitten-like antics and seems smarter than most cats to get her way. She’s catching on that the coon tail on a string is a LURE to get her out of my bedroom in the evening without me having to chase her from under the bed with a broom! LOL So I’m having to come up with alternative ways to keep her out of the bedroom at bed time! I’m not sure I am smarter than she is, or as cunning! LOL



I just caught up with your Sunday situation. Another case of the exes come crawling out of the woodwork at the holidays. In the last two weeks I have heard from 3 ex-BFs and 2 cluster-B former friends that I chose to discontinue friendships with. I will not be surprised to hear from the S-ex. A friend saw him on the street looking dissolute and glassy-eyed. Obviously he’s using drugs again. But, not my problem.

Regarding the shiny truck, I would lay money on it that the truck isn’t his, but temorarily borrowed/liberated. My S-ex was notorious for swanning into a room full of people in some expensive piece of apparel that supposedly his employer (an ultra-expensive, ultra-exclusive clothing designer) “lent” to him. The fact of the matter is that his employer would “lend” clothes to celebrities who would get his clothes into the magazines, not to a back-room employee. No, this was just
S-ex feeling entitled and putting on a good show.

As for his sudden concern about the cat — 2 years? Like the cat would even remember him. Forgive my saying so, but both you and the cat are better off without him.

If he returns — and he will — do what a neighbor of mine back in New Orleans who was a cop once told me when somebody was trying to get in through my door. “Son, you gotta gun? Well use it! And if you shoot his sorry as on your sidewalk, drag his sorry ass inside and finish him off!”


Matt – I think killing them would be doing them a favor. He accomplished what he wanted by coming here, showing off the new truck. But I am sure it pissed him off that I didnt care to open the door. I dont know if he will be back or not, I dont know why he would. I wont speak to him, whats the point? I cant believe anything he says, nothing that comes out of his mouth is true. I wont give him the opportunity to lie to me. Thats what no contact is all about. In a way this episode has been good for me, not that I needed anymore confirmation to convince myself he is a physco, but any little doubts that I had are gone. Zilch Nada – he is what he is – so I wont ever imagine him as anything other than toxic dog vomit…..


But is has put me in a funk – I am pissed – guess he accomplished that also.


I am sorry you are in a funk. But maybe if he comes around again you won’t even get pissed the next time….

In some ways he “invaided” your space by coming to your place unannounced. Maybe deep down that is what pissed you off. By him being so arrogant to just show up…

Either way YOU did good by not opening the door and showing him that you dont give a rats a__ if he comes a knocking….


Hi Wit – Yep that was arrogant. I am sure he wanted a reaction of any kind. he did not get it. But I have been steaming mad all day. I have been reliving the whole crazy time with him. All the things I did to help him etc. The lies. I wish I had walked out and hammered him in the face with a shovel. But he is crazy – I would have to kill him if I did because he would come back when I was gone and burn my house down with my dogs in it. That is what is so frustrating, living out here all alone in the sticks with no body to help me. And people think I am bitter just because I got burnt. He is crazy in that dark way. I dont like the way I am feeling today. That hyper vigilance is back. He is up to something. I have left him alone. Why does he torment me? I am so sorry you have heard all this before but thanks for caring Wit…I just want to move but i cant – this is my sanctuary and he is imposing again again and again… nobodys knows that he is dangerous they all think I am nuts….maybe I am..


OMG, Henry, it must be National Players and Sociopaths week. I’m SO sorry that worthless piece of crap bothered you. Thank God you didn’t open the door. Contrary to it making you “weak”, it makes you smart. There is no conversation with that creep that would have a good outcome. I wish for you a speedy bounce-back from that little episode. God, they are just so selfish. I wonder what’s going on this week? I also got a phone call from a guy who played me for a few one-night stands several years ago and abandoned me. I am long over him, and then he called a few days ago out of the blue just say “hi”. I did the same as you, henry. I didn’t answer the phone. It went into voicemail. I listened and deleted. Not to mention the sociopath I just fell for briefly from my reptile site this past week. At least I got out of that pretty quickly. But JEEZ, what’s going on this week???? It’s the Week of the Living Morons.


hey Star – I am not doing good tonite. I thot it wouldnt bother me after so long, but just like before he was the first thing on my mind this morning and all day..and wonderin if he was here up to no good when I am at work. etc etc etc.. he is evil bastard son of a bitch – I am so sorry I blog so much here …sorry I am crazy.


This is a really great article about how to go about healing from your involvement with a whateveryoumaycallit. Henry you were not off topic at all as what you did is exactly what the article is proclaiming- beating the addiction. I am happily married, and have 2 wonderful kids yet I let this woman get me so worked up I couldn’t think straight. They bring you high, then go for the throat which obviously catches you off guard. How do normal people process this type of treatment, of abuse? It is hard to do. But thankfully there are other people in the world who don’t soul murder, and there are a million other ways to spend your time. I expect mine to come back in some manner as well, and I don’t know how I would react either. I would like to beat her about the face and head, but then I would like to think that I am above all that. I am doing pretty well in trying to live in the now, but the mere fact that I still think about her from time to time still sucks even though I see her more clearly for what she really is- self serving, arrogant, evil, treacherous and you name it…. She also proclaims how great and grand she is with her house that according to her is so high tech and her 200 hundred facebook friends. I should be glad though that she is unleashing her hell on them instead of on me…..I have better things to do like be with the people who really do love me, and have my best interests in mind. Period.


You are feeling violated Henry that he just came to your house like that without warning. And that is VERY understandable.

Our homes should be the ONE place where we feel safe. And when we don’t feel safe in our homes it is a very uneasy feeling.

I totally understand this feeling violated in your own home, because several years ago in the middle of the night someone bashed in my bedroom window and I thought someone was breaking in my house. I awoke to the glass breaking (very loudly) I awoke in a PANIC as my bed was only a few feet from the window. I dialed 911 and it took WAY to long, for the cop to get here. Weeks later I found it was just a bunch of kids, they caught them… BUT it took me a LONG time to feel safe in my house. And I didn’t NEED to know how long it takes the cops to come because if someone did plan on coming in after they broke the window I would have been dead by the time they arrived. The 911 operator actually told me that the cop was on another call and that is why it took him awile to get there! I am like WTF….We have 2 cops directing traffic if there is an accident in town DURING the day but ONE on duty at 2:30 in the morning?

You are not “nuts” for feeling this way. Your home IS your sanctuary…..
Cut yourself some slack on this one…What he did was very arrogant. HOPEFULLY he didn’t get what he wanted (you to open the door) and he will not be back. I think the holiday season has the evil people in the world all coming out of the woodwork.


thanks Wit – I dont know if you were here back when I started blogging but he did break into my house three times and kicked holes in the wall and doors and trashed the place. He would go into these drunken rages and jump in his truck and drive like a maniac and litterally trashed the truck taking out trees as he left. I called the police and was told they did not get involved in homosexual disputes unless someone was injuredand then they would take us both to jail. That was along time ago. Your right I feel violated. Wit he broke into my house one nite and started cutting his wrist to prove how much he loved me. He has many scars from doing this in the past before I knew him. He overdosed on pain meds one nite and I loaded him up and took him to the emergency room and he ran off when we got there and called me a week later begging for forgiveness. I was determined to never let him back in. But he was homeless and he would lose his job if I hadnt, and the tears and sobs were so real. I felt so sorry for this fucked up little guy. But he would continue to lie and cheat and steal and I went crazy feeling sorry for him. He is a survivor that is what he does – so he needs to go – I am over him..



or in my case, week of the never did die morons 😉


wow henry,

I don’t like that you put yourself down…you are NOT nuts. Then you are sorry for blogging here so much and sorry for being crazy?

You are NOT crazy and as far as I am concerned you do not blog enough. I look for your posts when I check in and there just isn’t enough of them. Your kindness and intellect and humor and sincerity are the highlight for me especially on days that I am hurt, or angry, or lonely, or ‘crazy’, or scared. (I spend a lot of days scared, just waiting for the other shoe to drop, because I know with the P, it is going to.)

You are in my prayers for peace, love, and happiness.

By the way, you can’t blame him for wanting another opportunity to get in on you, your light and strength are great attractions to them. We are all like flying insects, the light mesmerizes us and we can’t help but go to it. The P will just keep beating against it until it blows the light though so…there you have it, expect that the p will always be lurking and make sure you have your ‘light cover’ on for extra protection! Oh and for those like me, that just want to fly around the light, please don’t pick a dark cover, a see through one is great! and you can watch the p beat himself to death trying to blow your light!!!

Keep yourself safe henry, but try not to obsess and know that you are not nuts or crazy. I have no doubt that this has been extremely toxic, upsetting, and caused so much to come flooding in, but it doesn’t make you crazy, even though you may feel like it. Lots of love and hugs to you, and God bless you, again you are in my prayers.

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