How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Lovefraud Blog

If lawmakers understood sociopaths, maybe Keaira Bennefield would still be alive

//  by //  2 Comments

The tragic story of Keaira Bennefield might never have happened if lawmakers had a clear understanding of sociopaths. Perhaps you’ve seen the story in the news. Keaira Bennefield, of Cheektowaga, New York, near Buffalo, was estranged from her husband, Adam Bennefield. On September 28, 2022, he allegedly showed up at her apartment and beat her, punching her at least 28 times. Keaira had security cameras inside her home and the whole episode was captured on video. Keaira screamed for Adam’s sister, Rachel, who lived in the apartment upstairs. Rachel came down and Adam told her that Keaira wasn’t getting out of there alive. Rachel called the police. When the police arrived, they found A …

If lawmakers understood sociopaths, maybe Keaira Bennefield would still be aliveRead More

Explaining dysfunctional relationships as codependency

//  by //  Leave a Comment

When we face difficulties and hardship in life, we try to find meaning in the experience. This is certainly the case with all of us who have tangled with sociopaths. We ask, how did this happen? More importantly, why did this happen? Many people have answered the questions by explaining dysfunctional relationships as codependency. In fact, for some people, explaining dysfunctional relationships as codependency is comforting. This is the point of a study entitled, The lived experience of codependency: an interpretative phenomenological analysis, by Ingrid Bacon and colleagues. The research was based on in-depth interviews with eight people who identified themselves as codependent and coped …

Explaining dysfunctional relationships as codependencyRead More

Why sociopaths cheat

//  by //  105 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2022. Lovefraud received an email from a reader whom we'll call "Ingrid." She brought up a question that I've heard over and over. Ingrid asked me why sociopaths cheat. Just wondering if you could tell me why sometimes they stay with others longer as I feel he wants this new woman for his main supply even though he was trying for a baby with me. What does a main supply have that I didn't? He seems settled with her. Ingrid, most sociopaths cheat on their romantic partners. In fact, they are often cheating throughout the entire relationship, but it may take you a while to find out about it. Or you may have caught hints that the sociopaths were cheating, but they were able …

Why sociopaths cheatRead More

The myth of codependency in sociopathic relationships

//  by //  4 Comments

I talk to a lot of Lovefraud readers. Many times, they’ve told me that they were stuck in relationships with sociopaths because of their own codependent personalities. Really? I’m not so sure that the presumption of codependency in sociopathic relationships is true. First of all, what is codependency? Psychology Today explains, “Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person assumes the role of ‘the giver,’ sacrificing their own needs and well-being for the sake of the other, ‘the taker.’” The website quickly notes, however, that “Codependency is not a clinical diagnosis or a personality disorder and has sparked much debate and controversy among psychology experts.” C …

The myth of codependency in sociopathic relationshipsRead More

Sociopaths and their multiple simultaneous manipulation strategies

//  by //  30 Comments

  UPDATED FOR 2022: Lovefraud received the following question from a reader. She was unknowingly asking about sociopathic manipulation strategies. Here is what she wrote: My father was a nut job and so was my husband and now I am dating one — a psychopath. I just had this question — Do these men act like they do not want you around and push you away and make you feel so sad for them — making you feel like you failed them somehow — never do enough — and then suddenly you find yourself begging them to show you how much better you can do for them? I am sure the answer is yes — but I guess I just need confirmation. This reader, in one sentence, listed four different manipulation s …

Sociopaths and their multiple simultaneous manipulation strategiesRead More

Reader’s Digest on how to spot romance scams

//  by //  Leave a Comment

Reader’s Digest just published an article on spotting and escaping romance scams. Multiple experts contributed to the article — including me. The author sent me a list of questions; my answers are below. If you’re looking for love, I do recommend that you read the entire Reade’s Digest article — besides what I submitted, it includes many more helpful tips. How to spot romance scams: 7 telltale signs to watch out for What are romance scams? There are two basic types of romance scams. The first is the online swindle, in which perpetrators find someone online, seduce the target into falling in love with them, and then convince the target to send money. Often the perps and targets never meet …

Reader’s Digest on how to spot romance scamsRead More

Are sociopaths opportunists?

//  by //  25 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2022. Editor's note: This is Part 2 of a two-part inquiry from the Lovefraud reader whom we call “Carlotta.” She asks, "Are sociopaths opportunists?" Read Part 1, “What if you see some signs of a sociopath, but not all of them?” On another note, a personal concern of mine is that I may have chosen that sociopath, not the other way around. I was walking through a department store and out of the corner of my eye I saw a man standing still facing me. I looked up and he was smiling at me. I smiled back. Then we walked in separate directions. But later we passed one another in a different area of the store. I was lost and he was again just standing there smiling at me. I smiled and …

Are sociopaths opportunists?Read More

Why psychopathic parents engage in parental alienation

//  by //  Leave a Comment

For years, the conventional wisdom in the mental health field was that psychopathic parents abandon their children. If this is true, why do some psychopaths fight to keep their children away from the other parent? Why do they engage in parental alienation to pry the children away? Or why do they accuse the other parent of alienating them from the children? Lovefraud’s Dr. Liane Leedom led a research team a few years ago to examine the parenting behavior of psychopaths. Data are hard to come by — psychopaths often blend into society, and their children can’t articulate what they are experiencing. So Dr. Leedom took a creative approach to gathering data — the team read the memoirs of people wh …

Why psychopathic parents engage in parental alienationRead More

What if you see some signs of a sociopath, but not all of them?

//  by //  11 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2022. Editor's note: This is Part 1 of a two-part inquiry that Lovefraud recently received from a reader whom we'll call “Carlotta.” She asks important questions about the signs of a sociopath. I recently met and "dated" a man who turned out to be a sociopath. When I first met him I used your list of 10 signs of a sociopath to help me determine what I needed to do to protect myself if he should turn out to be a sociopath or worse. I wasn't too worried about him, because initially I noticed he had only 3 of the 10 traits. The notation with your list says if they have most or all of the traits they may be a sociopath. He turned out to be a sociopath so now I wonder if the spe …

What if you see some signs of a sociopath, but not all of them?Read More

Scientific proof that relationships with psychopaths are bad for you

//  by //  2 Comments

Most of what is known about psychopaths comes from research with imprisoned criminals. Why? Because researchers can access them — they are literally a captive audience. But many psychopaths manage to stay out of prison. Psychopaths live among us and engage in the regular activities of life, including romantic relationships. Little is known about the psychopaths who stay out of prison and how they affect others. But finally, there is scientific evidence of what many of us have learned the hard way: Intimate relationships with psychopaths cause great harm to the victims. A scientific paper, Toxic Relationships: The experiences and effects of psychopathy in romantic relationships, has just b …

Scientific proof that relationships with psychopaths are bad for youRead More