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Lovefraud Blog

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Aggression

January 23, 2008 //  by DrSteve//  117 Comments

Question: Why do people engage in aggressive behaviour (some, as we know, rather more than others)? Answer: Because they enjoy it. There's a bit of a flutter on the internet (see here and here) about research coming out of Vanderbilt University. Studying mice, Maria Couppis and Craig Kennedy have found that aggression can be as emotionally rewarding as food or sex. The neurotransmitter dopamine has been implicated in nearly every experience we consider rewarding, such as love, drugs, eating, and sex. Indeed, the mesolimbic dopamine pathway is referred to as the reward system of the brain. Dopamine is necessary for reinforcement, e.g. the ex-smoker's craving brought about by the whiff …

AggressionRead More

Category: Scientific research

After he’s gone: Looking at the sociopath through open eyes.

January 23, 2008 //  by M.L. Gallagher//  48 Comments

My 100% responsibility. I had a glass of wine last night with a girlfriend who is leaving for a three month holiday at the beginning of February. Where she's going is not important -- except when put in the context of who is at the place she's going to. A man. A man she once loved who could not, would not commit. A man who hid behind silence. Who never told her where he was, what he was doing or who he was with. She spent the first year after leaving him healing her broken heart. And then she started dating. A few months ago she decided to phone the man far away. "We were such good friends. Friends stay in touch and I just wanted to see how he was," she told me. With that phone call, the …

After he’s gone: Looking at the sociopath through open eyes.Read More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths

January 21, 2008 //  by Steve Becker, LCSW//  87 Comments

Editor's note: This article was submitted by Steve Becker, LCSW, CH.T, who has a private psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, and clinical consulting practice in New Jersey, USA. For more information, visit his website, powercommunicating.com. We can begin by noting something that both narcissists and psychopaths share: a tendency to regard others as objects more than persons. Immediately this raises concerns: you don't have to empathize with objects; objects don't have feelings worth recognizing. You can toy with objects; manipulate and exploit them for your own gratification, with a paucity of guilt. Welcome to the world of the narcissist and psychopath. Theirs is a mindset of immediate, …

Differentiating narcissists and psychopathsRead More

Category: Explaining the sociopath

ASK DR. LEEDOM: Are sociopaths (and psychopaths) vindictive?

January 18, 2008 //  by Liane Leedom, M.D.//  465 Comments

A woman who married and had children with two different sociopathic men wrote us this week. Her story and questions are timely since they allow me to mention another upcoming book, the conference Donna and I attended last weekend and to discuss vindictiveness. It seems most women who have children with sociopaths end up with the sociopaths walking out on their children as well as the women, leaving the survivors to mop up and struggle to understand what happened on their own. From what I understand of sociopaths, the prevalent attitude they seem to behave as if they "don't care" about anything except doing what benefits them”¦ (she told her story of marriage, children, custody battles and …

ASK DR. LEEDOM: Are sociopaths (and psychopaths) vindictive?Read More

Category: Explaining the sociopath, Sociopaths and family

The psychopath’s bewildering ways of talking

January 16, 2008 //  by DrSteve//  227 Comments

A reader says: "I kept wondering what was going on in his head. I could never follow his thinking. I think he might have been into alcohol and drugs and that in itself messes the brain, and along with his other personality disorders, sure makes for a confusing relationship." The thinking patterns of the psychopath are indeed weird. It seems there are biological and intentional reasons for this. In others words, he is unable to think very logically PLUS he intends to mislead. No wonder he is hard to follow! Below I list several factors which together make the psychopath a most bamboozling character. The odd speech of psychopaths The psychopath makes "frequent use of contradictory …

The psychopath’s bewildering ways of talkingRead More

Category: Explaining the sociopath, Scientific research

Worst-case scenarios at the Battered Women conference

January 15, 2008 //  by Donna Andersen//  1 Comment

The keynote speaker had a question for the 200 or so women in the room during the Battered Women, Abused Children and Child Custody conference: "How many of you have been thrown in jail during your custody battle?" Approximately 15 women raised their hands. These women had been thrown in jail by the courts—technically on charges such as contempt of court or failure to pay child support. In reality, the women were jailed for trying to protect their children from abusive fathers. At least one woman was a fugitive, unable to return to her home state. No one in the audience was surprised—except, perhaps, me. Dr. Liane Leedom and I attended the conference, which was held this past wee …

Worst-case scenarios at the Battered Women conferenceRead More

Category: Laws and courts, Sociopaths and family

Undoing the riddle of the sociopath

January 13, 2008 //  by M.L. Gallagher//  15 Comments

A while ago, I heard a riddle on the radio I hadn't heard since I was a young girl. Three men go to a hotel and book a room together. The room costs $30, so they each pay $10. After they've gone upstairs the desk clerk realizes the room only cost $25. He gives the bellhop $5 and tells him to return the money to the men. The bellhop figures he can't split $5 evenly, so he pockets $2 and gives them each $1 back. That means they each paid $9 for the room. Which means they paid, $27 total. But, if you add the bellhops $2, it means there's only $29 -- Where did the extra $1 go? Ultimately, the answer is, it's not a math question -- it's a case of misdirection. The riddle asks us to follow the …

Undoing the riddle of the sociopathRead More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

ASK DR. LEEDOM: Are there psychological tactics for dealing with a psychopath?

January 11, 2008 //  by Liane Leedom, M.D.//  146 Comments

I received this question from a woman who is divorcing a man she believes has the traits of a psychopath (according to the psychopathy checklist): “What psychological tactics can you suggest in dealing with a psychopath? There must be some tools and strategies to stay a step ahead. I've read books on identifying liars and tried to educate myself on strengthening my position in recognizing The Predator. There has to be some guidelines somewhere on How to Ride That Horse. I have had hundreds of horses throughout my life and pride myself on being able to ride anyone that crosses my path. Although this horse has been the most difficult and I continue to be dragged, trampled and kicked, I c …

ASK DR. LEEDOM: Are there psychological tactics for dealing with a psychopath?Read More

Category: Explaining the sociopath, Seduced by a sociopath, Sociopaths and family

(Given what you’ve learned the hard way) what’s your attitude like?

January 9, 2008 //  by DrSteve//  283 Comments

It could be argued that the sociopath is cynical: contemptuous; mocking; concerned only with his own interests and typically disregarding accepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them - the opposite of idealistic. And there is a danger that one who has learned the hard way about sociopaths becomes jaded: dulled, blunted, deadened, inured; tired, weary, wearied; unmoved, blasé, apathetic - the opposite of fresh. The online version of the Guardian newspaper runs a series in which readers provide their responses to 'Ethical conundrums'. Given the nature of our interests on this blog, this one caught my eye: Is it worse to be cynical or jaded? …

(Given what you’ve learned the hard way) what’s your attitude like?Read More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: He wanted me to keep playing his bitch

January 8, 2008 //  by Donna Andersen//  147 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a 24-year-old woman, a graduate student. He told me he was all I needed; he told me that he was the only person who cared. He told me my friends hated me because they were so mad at me because I got sick. He told me they were just all bitches like all of the other girls in the world. Like his ex-girlfriends, like his mother, like (me). I had no idea that sociopaths existed. I thought that "sociopath" was only a word thrown about on TV, late night news, America's Most Wanted. My therapist told me that my ex-boyfriend is one of the worst sociopaths that she has heard about in her 12 years of practice. Abuse starts slow The …

TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: He wanted me to keep playing his bitchRead More

Category: Targeted Teens and 20s

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