Those who have read Just Like His Father? know that sociopathy is a disorder with a strong genetic basis. Science has further established a genetic link between sociopathy, addiction and ADHD. The children of sociopaths, therefore, carry genetic risk for sociopathy, addiction and ADHD. If a genetically at-risk child receives special nurturing during the developmental years, prior to puberty, he/she has the greatest chance to grow up free of these disorders. To attach real numbers to the problem of sociopathic parents and their children, consider that 25% of U.S. women are victims of domestic violence. Studies of male perpetrators of domestic violence reveal that 50% are sociopaths and …
The psychopath and our own self-image
"His online personal ad shows him as a clean-cut, athletic man with a friendly face, a sense of humor and a love for the outdoors. Many women would consider him a serious prospect, based on his ad. The problem is, Mike Andes is a convicted murderer ”¦" A reader recently sent Lovefraud this news story about Prison Personals, produced by KATU in Portland, Oregon. It turns out that thousands of convicts are looking for love online. Prisoners generally do not have access to the Internet. But apparently friends and family members can provide information to websites such as WriteAPrisoner.com, which then posts ads. Anyone who wants to respond to an ad—offering a gesture of friendship to some …
ASK DR. LEEDOM: What is the difference between a narcissist and a sociopath?
The first question victims of love fraud ask concerns themselves and is generally something like, “Why is this so hard for me mentally?” The second question concerns the perpetrator, “What is wrong with him/her?” Many seek answers to these questions on the internet and in the popular psychology literature. A person looking for answers in these sources is just as likely to read about narcissism as he/she is to read about sociopathy. Thus the confusion between narcissism and sociopathy begins. When trying to understand the difference (if any) between narcissists and sociopaths, it is important to understand why we have psychiatric diagnoses in the first place. We have diagnostic categories bec …
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Finding grace in the healing journey
On Monday I had lunch with a friend from my past. In our early twenties we worked together. Just the two of us at first in an office that eventually grew to +20 people. For my friend, Leslie* and for me, this was an exciting, and a stressful time. We both grew up in similar circumstances where alcohol played an enormous role in our formative years. We both had older siblings and we both had dreams we were too afraid to speak. My friend Leslie was the first woman I knew who married an abuser. I remember at the time I didn't go to her wedding because I could not in good conscience wish her well -- I knew the things he did to her before they married. Why would she marry him, I …
Con artist swindles 132 women, taking $320,241
Lovefraud has just posted a new case study about Patrick M. Giblin of New Jersey. This guy swindled 132 women, whom he met through telephone dating services, out of $320,241—and those are just the crimes that the authorities know about. Giblin blew the money on casino gambling. Giblin's sentencing took place in the federal courthouse in Camden, New Jersey, on April 17, 2006. Giblin told the court his version of "the devil made me do it" story—that he took all that money from all those women because he was addicted to gambling. Giblin's apology Oh, he put on quite a show, reading a letter of apology to his victims. Here it is: I am a greedy idiot who was concerned about one thing only, HIM …
ASK DR. LEEDOM: FAQ #1 “Why is this so hard for us mentally?”
The question victims of sociopaths most frequently ask is, “Why am I having such a hard time getting beyond this?” I am going to give an answer, but I'm afraid that since the answer is intellectual and not emotional, it may not feel complete or satisfactory. This is how a reader phrased this question: It's interesting because it seems like a lot of members on the board (myself included) have mentioned how difficult it is to get rid of thoughts of their sociopath. They seem to haunt us even after they have left our lives. As if the damage and destruction was not enough, they continue to be a part of our lives through our minds. We have to acknowledge that this question is not only asked by v …
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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Why does it seem I know more than the experts?
Lately, many readers have added insightful comments to this blog. I would like to share this one and add that you may indeed know more about sociopathy than the so-called experts. As far as charisma in sociopaths goes, my theory is this: if a sociopath has no conscience (and no guilt), he or she might often be in a better mood - or at least appear to be in a better mood - i.e; generally more upbeat and seemingly happy with whatever is going on - than the average decent non-sociopathic person dealing with the typical ups and downs of daily life. I have heard that when someone is feeling happy, his or her facial expressions. tone of voice, and even their pheramones and neuro-chemicals are …
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Gaslight: a glimpse of psychopathic manipulations
The word "gaslight," when used as a verb, means "to manipulate someone into questioning their own sanity; to subtly drive someone crazy." It's a term that's been used on this website to describe the psychological damage inflicted by a psychopath. I was aware that the word, when used in this way, was a reference to the 1944 movie Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer, Angela Lansbury and Joseph Cotton. But I had never seen the film. A few days ago, I watched Gaslight for the first time. The story is set in Edwardian London, where an accomplished singer is mysteriously strangled in her home. The crime is discovered by the singer's young niece, Paula Alquist (Ingrid Bergman). …
Book Review: The Betrayal Bond
In the last several months I have written a great deal on this blog about the nature of love and bonding. If you would like to know more, read The Betrayal Bond, Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships, by Patrick J. Carnes. I just read this book and was happy to see so much commonality with my own view. Dr. Carnes himself survived a Betrayal Bond, and as such writes with the authority of someone who has “been there.” Remember, it is not just women who are affected by love fraud. Normal men bond and are deeply affected by their love relationships. Dr. Carnes discusses in detail the psychological trauma associated with a relationship with a sociopath, though his book does not focus onl …
Without the sociopath, a better future does not require a better past
Those who fail to learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them."---George Santayana Imagine a tape running through your head that has all the things that ever happened to you playing on a continous loop through your mind. Now, imagine that every time you look forward, every thought, idea, word, motion is filtered through that tape, again and again. Every time you think about the future, you have to look through the past. That's what happens in our heads, every day, when we remind ourselves that something which happened yesterday is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. That's what happens when we don't question what we learned in the past, and drag it forward with …
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