The first time I ever heard the word sociopath was in 1980 as a 19-year-old sophomore in Psychobiology at the University of Southern California. I attended a lecture given by Dr. Sarnoff Mednick, who presented the findings of his research. I was amazed at his work, which clearly demonstrates that genetics is an important predictor of criminal behavior. I attended many lectures in college, medical school and beyond, however that presentation always stayed with me. I remember it as if I heard it only yesterday. Psychologists say that our memories are affected by our present circumstances, so it is no wonder I have a strong connection to that lecture heard so long ago. For better and for …
When I fear the past, the psychopath haunts me
Every Saturday morning I take my golden retriever, Sadie, for a walk at a park on the edge of the city. It is a quiet time, a time for reflection, for musing, for dreaming. This morning the world was blanketed in a white veil of fog. There was no city view, no vistas of the grandeur of the jagged ridge of the Rockies marching along the western skyline. Sound was softened by the denseness of the air around me and my vision was limited by the marshmallow-like mist of the world surrounding me. It was a magical grey on white landscape of misty hills rolling into nothingness dotted by the stark relief of naked trees holding their ground against the fog swirling around their frost laden …
When you have a child with a sociopath
A few months ago, a Florida woman called me about the sociopath in her life. It was her teenaged son. As she told me of his disrespectful behavior toward her, his acting out in school and his violence, she broke down. This woman could barely speak through her tears. To me, the greatest pain of any involvement with a sociopath comes when children are involved, especially when the sociopath is the biological parent. Not only has someone been deceived by a sociopath, but the child of the relationship may also become a sociopath. Lovefraud has had nothing to offer the parents of children at risk for sociopathic behavior. Until now. Introducing Liane Leedom, M.D. Dr. Liane Leedom is a …
Sociopaths drag their families into the con
Sociopaths will manipulate anyone. Let me repeat that. Sociopaths will manipulate absolutely anyone, including mom, dad, brothers, sisters—anyone. One way that this happens is the sociopath gets his or her family—knowingly or not—to participate in the victimization of the target. Lovefraud received an e-mail from Rod in Nebraska. Rod's daughter had been targeted by a sociopath. In his e-mail, he wrote the following: One thing that I do believe should be approached about a sociopath is his ability not only to control his victim, but also his family. The sociopath works his family to the extent that he manipulates his immediate family into believing that none of his problems in life are his …
When the trigger is pulled
Editor's note: This post was written by M.L. Gallagher, who was romantically involved with, and almost destroyed by, a sociopath. She has written a book about her experience called, The Dandelion Spirit: A True Life Fairytale of Love, Lies and Letting Go. Lovefraud recommends the book for anyone who is trying to understand how sociopaths manipulate their victims. M.L. Gallagher will be posting regularly to Lovefraud. Jack and I have been friends since high school. Last fall when his marriage of twenty-two years dissolved, he arrived on my doorstep, emotionally drained, bruised and fragile. As he tried to make sense of what had happened to his life, our friendship deepened. Recently, …
Sociopaths and the journey into the self
When I came to the realization that I had been manipulated and defrauded by a sociopath, I felt anger and embarrassment about having been a fool. This is exactly what most people victimized by sociopaths feel. I now know that I was targeted, and that there is no excuse for my ex-husband's predatory behavior. Still, what was it in me that made me vulnerable to his lies and manipulation? Sometimes there are answers waiting to be discovered. The experience of being victimized by a sociopath, as painful as it is, can lead to a personal journey of understanding, and eventually healing. The Dandelion Spirit M. L. Gallagher wrote a book, called The Dandelion Spirit, about her fall into …
Fear and loathing when the sociopath returns
In August Lovefraud posted a story called One woman's experience of romantic manipulation. The information was submitted by “Survivor,” who had been targeted by someone whom she believes is a sociopath, and lists her observations of behaviors that, in hindsight, indicated how she was being manipulated. Survivor wrote to Lovefraud recently—the guy was back. Survivor had finally taken a step to be social again, joining a singles group. The guy found out and joined as well. I told her that No Contact is the best policy, and she might want to drop out of the group. To confront—or not What happened next illustrates three things: 1. The amount of psychological damage that sociopaths infli …
Sexually violent predators
One of Lovefraud's prime messages is that most sociopaths (or psychopaths) do not live up to their media hype. Most sociopaths are not sadistic, sexually violent serial killers. However, the hype is founded on truth, and there are some sociopaths who fit the descriptions you see in TV crime shows. These predators are the ones people think of when they hear the term “psychopath,” and they are truly scary. (I'll call them psychopaths for the rest of this post.) Sex crimes and sexual offenders get a lot of attention in the United States these days. This is certainly justified—there is no excuse for sexual violence. Some sex offenders are psychopaths, but not all of them. Child molesters, f …
Psychopaths on the loose
Much of the research about psychopaths had been conducted among prison populations. It's probably necessary to find a "captive" audience for this research—psychopaths (or sociopaths, but I'll call them psychopaths in this post) wouldn't come in for testing and treatment voluntarily, because they don't believe there is anything wrong with them. Dr. Robert Hare estimates that psychopaths (the term he uses) make up 1 percent of the general population of North America, but almost 25 percent of the prison population. Let's turn these figures around. Sometime in October the population of the United States will reach 300 million people. If 1 percent of all these people are psychopaths, that means …
Pop psychology doesn’t work with sociopaths
I remember the first time I had proof that my ex-husband, James Montgomery, was cheating on me. Montgomery had talked me into giving him a credit card to use. He charged things on the card, and I paid the bills (a good deal for him). One time the bill came and it listed a charge for the Berlin Motor Lodge. This is not Berlin, Germany. There's a small town called Berlin not far from where I live in New Jersey. It isn't much more than a blip on the highway. Now, my ex was always away on "business." But there was no possible business reason for him to stay at this budget motel that was only about 40 minutes away. The only realistic explanation was that he was there with another woman. …