How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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When authorities do nothing about sociopaths–disaster

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Last summer, former Army Pfc. Steven D. Green was charged in the rape and murder of a 15-year-old Iraqi girl, and the murder of her mother, father and 5-year-old sister. The incident took place on March 12, 2006. According to CNN.com, Green and four other soldiers were “drinking whiskey, playing cards and hitting golf balls when Green brought up the idea of going to a house near the checkpoint where they were stationed to rape the girl.” Green was described as “persistent.” The other four soldiers went along with the plan. They all changed into dark clothing and covered their faces. With one soldier posted to guard the door, the other four went in. While one or two of the other soldiers ra …

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“Would somebody please tell me why he did this!”

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“Would somebody please tell me why he did this?” is one of the most common questions victims of sociopaths have. Three weeks ago I introduced the idea that the Inner Triangle can help each of us understand the individual sociopath that infected our lives. The Inner Triangle is formed by three qualities that develop in concert during childhood. These three qualities are Ability to Love, Impulse Control and Moral Reasoning. Last week I discussed the concept of Ability to Love. Lack of Ability to Love defines those with sociopathy. No less important however, is the lack of Impulse Control, also universally found in people with this disorder. What is Impulse Control? I'm sure many of you not …

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Sociopaths and their smear campaigns

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Lovefraud received the following letter from a woman who was married to a sociopath for 16 years. I was a stay-at-home mom until my son entered kindergarten, then I got a job. This was the end of any peace I would have for 10 years. The worst possible thing happened to my husband—the woman he could make fun of for being stupid or having no goals (whatever he would say to hurt my self-esteem) became a huge success. In fact, I made three times as much as Mr. Wonderful. The abuse escalated. He was so obsessed with destroying me that even on a business trip where I was getting an award for being the top sales rep in my company, he was pulling my boss aside and insinuating I was committing fraud …

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Love not lovefraud

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Within the last 6 months, I received word that my ex-husband (still in prison after having destroyed my life) pledges undying love for me. One of the most disturbing after-affects of a relationship with a sociopath is confusion about love. As part of my own healing, I resolved to study the scientific literature to understand what is known of the nature of love. I will summarize my findings here but also please visit Ability to Love. Attachment is what causes us to stick together Although there are many other species that live solitary lives, humans are social creatures. That means we stick together. Scientists have called this tendency to stick together "attachment." Attachment is part of …

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Saddam Hussein, psychopath

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In March, 2006, Ala Bashir, a personal physician to Saddam Hussein, published a book called The Insider: Trapped In Saddam's Brutal Regime. For 20 years, Bashir was part of Hussein's inner circle. Saddam had invited Bashir, a plastic surgeon, to join his medical team—an invitation that could not be refused. It was also impossible to quit, even when Bashir feared for his life. So for 20 years, Bashir witnessed the dictator's behavior. “He was certainly a psychopath: friendly and polite, but ruthless toward his enemies and challengers,” Bashir said in an interview with Helsingin Sanomat, a Finnish newspaper. “I do not believe that Saddam Hussein regretted the suffering he caused the Iraqi peopl …

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The Inner Triangle: a means of understanding sociopaths

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April, 2003, nearly four years ago, the police removed my then husband from my office in handcuffs. Following his arrest, the stories came rolling in. People called to say, “I never told you this but”¦” When the shock of it all wore off, I had to admit I had failed to make the most important diagnosis of my life, that of sociopathy in the man I married. I knew I had to understand, for the sake of my son and myself, why I missed this diagnosis. What did I not understand about sociopathy? Sociopathic traits versus sociopathy I have always been very well read in my field, so the problem was not that I was unfamiliar with DSM diagnostic criteria, The Mask of Sanity, or Without Conscience. I als …

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I grieve for myself and let the psychopath go

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When someone dies, we grieve. The process is well-documented, the steps clearly defined though seldom straight-forward. We each journey through the process at our own speed, in our own time. But, regardless of our pace, we must go through each step to come to that place where we can be at peace with only the memories of the one we loved to warm our hearts, as we learn to accept that they have gone forever as we move on. We start with disbelief. It cannot be true. They cannot be gone. We are in denial. And then we move into anger. How could they have left us! Why me? Why them? Why now? Why? Why? Why? Anger gives way to bargaining, trying to find some way to reach peace with the inevitable …

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Is Bishop Terry Hornbuckle a psychopath?

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Lovefraud received an e-mail from a reader who nominated Bishop Terry Hornbuckle, of the Dallas, Texas area, to be profiled as a True Lovefraud Story. I had not heard of the good bishop. But after reading the news coverage about him, our reader may be right. Terry Hornbuckle—apparently he appointed himself as bishop—was the founder and charismatic leader of the Agape Christian Fellowship, a megachurch in Arlington, Texas. He preached a message of prosperity, which turned out to be beneficial for the bishop—he and his wife, Pastor Renee Hornbuckle, owned expensive homes and drove luxury cars. In March, 2005, Hornbuckle was arrested and charged with three counts of rape. He was later charg …

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Why have sociopaths failed to develop a conscience?

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Sociopaths are described as individuals “without conscience.” Specifically, sociopaths lack conscience because they are unable to experience guilt and empathy. To understand how sociopathy develops, we must understand how guilt and empathy develop. Scientists have begun to understand how guilt develops in children. Studies show that children who experience the most fear experience the most guilt. Children who are fearless have little guilt and less inhibition when it comes to violating rules. Is fearlessness inborn? It seems that fearlessness is an inborn trait, as children under a year old have been identified with this trait. There are however, researchers who believe that some of our ch …

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Telling our stories of being targeted by sociopaths

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Sociopaths have no heart, no conscience and no remorse. They purposely drain the life out of people and then throw them away. Despite their charming and charismatic veneer, they are evil to the core. In my opinion, the people who truly understand this personality disorder are those who felt the full brunt of sociopathic deceit, and then woke up to the truth. We, the former targets, remember the promises of love and luxury, and how it all seemed so possible. We remember the confusion—how reality didn't match the promises, and the excuses that explained away the discrepancies. We remember attempting to express misgivings, only to be told we were crazy. We, the former targets, also remember t …

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