Lovefraud Blog

ASK DR. LEEDOM: Why are addicts and sociopaths similar?

March 8, 2007 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 30 Comments

Tough Cookie wrote: I have found that sociopaths often tend to be abusers of drugs. In my case, my sociopathic boy friend was addicted heavily to drugs. It seem to me that sociopaths and drug addicts tend to hold very similar characteristics (i.e. manipulative, selfish, impulsivity). How is one able to tell the difference between the characteristics of sociopath and the characteristics of a drug addict? You made a very good observation, that is, many sociopaths are addicts/alcoholics and many addicts/alcoholics have sociopathic tendencies. Remember, sociopathy is a spectrum, with mild, moderate and severe cases. Severely sociopathic people are called psychopaths. Why the link between …

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Lying, cheating and online dating

March 4, 2007 // by Donna Andersen// 19 Comments

Online dating was the topic of a research report released last year by the Pew Internet and American Life Project. Here are some of the findings: 10 million Internet-using adults are seeking romantic partners 37 percent of them—3.7 million people—have gone to a dating website 43 percent of online daters think the activity involves risk 52 percent of online daters agree that a lot of people on the sites lie about their marital status Online dating is big business. U.S. residents spent $469.5 million on online dating and personals in 2004, according to Wikipedia. So online dating sites don't want their product to get a bad reputation—like they are full of cheaters. Most people …

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“Will I ever be the same” (Part 2)

March 2, 2007 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 637 Comments

A syndrome called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can affect victims of sociopaths. The trauma of losing love, friends, family, possessions and of enduring psychological/physical abuse is the cause of this disorder. To fight the symptoms of PTSD, it is helpful to understand the symptoms and how they relate to loss and trauma. As I read through the current literature on PTSD, I quickly discovered that there is a fair amount of controversy regarding this disorder. We can actually learn about the disorder by listening to the arguments. The first question on which there is much disagreement is, “What trauma is severe enough to cause PTSD?” There were several editorials by experts dis …

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Victor or victim after the sociopath is gone

March 1, 2007 // by M.L. Gallagher// 98 Comments

In the aftermath of an encounter with a sociopath, it is easy to get stuck in the "why." Why did he/she do it? Why didn't he love me? Why did she treat me so badly? Why me? Why him? Why her? Why? Why? Why? In healing, it's imperative to let go of why to focus on "what." What can I do for myself today that will ease my aching heart? What can I do to heal? What do I need to do to reclaim my soul, my spirit, my essence? What steps can I take to lead me away from the horror and pain of yesterday to embracing myself in love today? What is important to me today? What will create more of what I want in my life rather than less? What next? I will never know why he did what he did. I will never …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Is this child beginning to act like a sociopath?

February 28, 2007 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 1 Comment

Recently we received this question: A friend of mine has a 4 year old little boy that I am very worried about. This child shows many signs of anti-social behavior. He is manipulative. He is conniving. He is a liar. He is vindictive. He is sneaky. He will do things, look to see if you are noticing, and have an evil little smile on his face seeming to dare you to do or say anything. Is this the beginning behavior of a sociopath? His mother seems to be oblivious to his behaviors. However she told me that she plans to home-school him”¦so I have to wonder if perhaps she has “seen” something in him. The idea worries me, because at least if he was going to school”¦maybe someone else would truly s …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: answers to your questions about sociopaths

February 25, 2007 // by Donna Andersen// 14 Comments

Lovefraud is pleased to announce a new service for our readers—ASK DR. LEEDOM. Liane J. Leedom, M.D., is a psychiatrist who knows exactly what it is like to be deceived by a sociopath. Even with the best training in psychiatry—USC, UCLA and Yale—she, herself, failed to recognize the symptoms. She married a sociopath, who is the father of her son. Does she understand what you're going through? You bet. If you have a question for Dr. Leedom, send your question directly to her at drleedom@lovefraud.com. Your question will be posted on the Lovefraud Blog, along with her answer. Not only will it help you, it will help others who are recovering from a run-in with a sociopath. Please note: all qu …

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“Will I ever be the same?” (Part 1)

February 23, 2007 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 15 Comments

Nearly every person who has been in a relationship with a sociopath and survived, has asked, “Will I ever be the same?” When we ask this question, what we are really asking is if we are permanently damaged. We all know that every day we age, grow and change, therefore on a minute to minute basis we are technically not the same even when good things happen. But the trauma we have experienced is different from our everyday experiences that change us little by little. This trauma resulted from an enormous psychological, emotional and financial catastrophe. The trauma is all the more severe because the catastrophe was caused intentionally as an act of aggression by someone we loved-a sociopath. O …

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Releasing the pain inflicted by a sociopath

February 18, 2007 // by Donna Andersen// 89 Comments

Lovefraud recently heard from Janine in Florida. Here is what she wrote: In May it will be two years since I realized my ex-husband was a sociopath and every day I deal with the psychological nightmare that he has given me. I try so hard not to think about the destruction he has done to me...but every day it is there. Destroyed period. How can one put this behind them?? Yes I have moved on with my life but every day in my mind what he did to me is there and will be in my brain forever. I have been told to forgive him and I do in a way because I realize how sick he is but it is still there! Taken, abused, used, destroyed as a woman, as a human being and of course him shoving …

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Creating healing with the ones you’ve hurt after the sociopath is gone

February 17, 2007 // by M.L. Gallagher// 7 Comments

During the final 3 months of the sociopathic relationship, my daughters, then 15 and 16, did not know where I was or if I was alive or dead. Every day they waited for the police to arrive at the front door with the news that my body had been found. I had disappeared when the sociopath fled the province in an attempt to evade capture by the police. He'd promised to let me go once he reached the States. I didn't care what he did. I wanted the pain and suffering and horror of my life to end. I wanted to die. And then one day the police walked in and arrested him and I was set free. One of my first thoughts in freedom was, “I will never forgive myself for what I did to my daughters”. That was my …

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When women are sociopaths/psychopaths

February 16, 2007 // by Liane Leedom, M.D.// 144 Comments

Nearly all of the research into sociopathy has involved evaluating the personality traits of adult men in prison. The reason for this is that researchers have easy access to adult prisoners and more prisoners are male. Think about it—how else would a researcher find sociopaths to study? The problem with studying sociopathy in male prisoners is that we learn nothing about sociopaths who never get arrested. We also don't know if the research results apply to women. There is actually very little research data available regarding sociopathy in non-criminals and in women. The little research that has been done reveals that sociopathy in women entails two or three main features that are similar t …

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recovery46 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He assured me he would never, could never hurt me like that again: “Bernice—it’s 2025 and my experience with the spath was EXACTLY the same! I kept rereading bc all the details were…”
sept4 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind: “This is what I actually struggle with most now that I am a decade out of divorce. I did not…”
Donna Andersen on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “Good point! Thank you”
sept4 on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “All very true and very good advice. I would like to add that too can always call police if you…”
eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”