I had a nice conversation with a friend today. She said that part of healing from a relationship with a sociopath is getting to the point where one realizes that sociopaths deserve pity for being disordered. In that regard, we both hope that science will progress to the point where sociopathy is preventable and fully treatable. In this blog I will discuss treatment options for those diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Following the format of the book I am reviewing, this disorder is called sociopathy or ASPD and the personality traits that give rise to the disorder are called “psychopathic personality traits.”
Regarding whether sociopathy and psychopathic personality traits are currently treatable, Sandy Brown and I had a bit of a disagreement when we wrote Women Who Love Psychopaths. Although I told her the literature indicates sociopathic behaviors are to some degree treatable she was very insistent we emphasize that psychopathic personality traits are not treatable. She won out because she convinced me of the need to communicate to women that men with these personality traits usually do not change. In her experience, giving a woman any hope her man could improve, discourages her from leaving the relationship. I offer this book review and discussion of treatment of sociopathy/psychopathy to keep you informed, NOT to encourage you to stay.
I also recognize that spouses may choose to stay married to those with ASPD for any number of legitimate reasons. There are also people who have sons, daughters, parents, uncles, aunts and cousins with ASPD. All want to know if there is any effective treatment for the disorder. People want to know what treatment gives their loved one the best shot at improving.
If you have a close family member who is a sociopath and are involved in that person’s treatment, I strongly recommend you read Antisocial Personality Disorder: A Practitioner’s Guide to Comparative Treatments. Although the book is written for mental health professionals, I believe any person with some background in psychology can understand most of it. What you don’t understand, you can look up and so become better able to communicate with therapists. This book is an absolute must read for all professionals who deal with sociopaths and their families.
To give you an idea of why I give this book 5 stars, I will describe it and discuss the content. The book is edited by two psychologists experienced in the treatment of sociopaths, Drs. Rotgers and Maniacci. In the second chapter, they give detail s of the case of Frank a classic sociopath. Although they do not say so in the book, Dr. Rotgers told me that Frank was an actual person he evaluated.
I was very impressed with the way the authors presented Frank and his history. In particular, the clinicians interviewed Frank’s wife. Her statements about him and their relationship are characteristic of the kinds of things spouses of sociopaths say. Frank’s aunt and brother were also interviewed. The editors agree with me that the best sources of information regarding the nature of sociopaths and sociopathy are the family members of the disordered person.
Frank’s wife Jennifer says the following, “ The most exciting year of my life (was the first year of our relationship). He was so spontaneous and full of energy. His charm and good looks just swept me off my feet. Being with him was just so exhilarating. “ and later, “it suddenly dawned on me that I didn’t know anything about him.”
Having presented the case of Frank, the editors then invited 8 professionals representing 8 different treatment approaches to answer a series of explicit questions about their formulation of the case, understanding of the disorder and approach to treatment. The contributors were as follows:
1. Debra Benveniste, MA., MSW; Putnam, CT-Psychodynamic Approach
2. Michael Maniacci, Psy.D.; Chicago, IL-Adlerian Psychotherapy
3. Darwin Dorr, Ph.D.; Wichita, KS-Million’s Biosocial Learning Perspective: Personologic Psychotherapy
4. Glenn D. Walters, Ph.D.: Schuylkill, PA-Lifestyle Approach to Substance Abuse and Crime
5. Arthur Freeman, Ed.D. & Brian Eig; Fort Wayne, IN and Philadelphia, PA-Cognitive Behavioral Treatment (CBT) Approach
6. Robin A. McCann, Ph.D., Katherin Ann Comtots, Ph.D., & Elissa M.Ball, M.D.; Denver, CO-Dialectical Behavior Therapy
7. Joel I. Ginsberg, Ph.D., C.A. Farbring, M.A., & L. Forsberg, Ph.D.; Stockholm, Sweden-Motivational Interviewing
8. Sharon Morgillo Freeman, Ph.D., MSN, RN-CS, & John M. Rathbun, M.D.; Fort Wayne, IN- Integrating Psychotherapy and Medication
In the last chapters the editors compare and contrast the different treatment approaches. Family members of sociopaths should be aware of two important points. First all but one of the therapeutic approaches (psychodynamic) involves family members in the treatment. Family members are considered by the 7 to be important sources of information. Given the importance of family to the treatment, do not expect therapists to discourage you from being involved in a sociopath’s life. Therapists often encourage family members to stay with the sociopath and support him/her. This may benefit the sociopath at the expense of his/her family.
The chapter on medication discusses medication that can help the poor impulse control and aggression seen in sociopaths. I completely agree with the recommendations made and think that if a person with ASPD is willing medication should be tried.
What about prognosis then, and how long does it take to treat a sociopath? The CBT chapter gives some interesting statistics. The authors state, ”Psychotherapy is associated with a sevenfold faster rate of recovery compared to the naturalistic studies”¦ Without treatment, estimated recovery rates are about 3.7% per year, and with active treatment the rates increase to 25.8% per year.” Also the longer the treatment continues the more improvement there is. They also say, “Unfortunately, people with ASPD have a very high drop out rate.” It makes sense then for family member to encourage those with ASPD to stay in treatment. Don’t expect that treatment to turn a sociopath into a loving, empathetic person, though. All of the authors say that is not a realistic treatment goal. When professionals say a sociopath “has improved,” they mean he/she is not as dangerous and is less impulsive. As Dr. Rotgers’ email to me said, “Harm Reduction: ‘80% of something is better than 100% of nothing’ Alex Wodak”
Adendum
Donna sent me the following comment. Your post today leaves a huge question in the mind of a reader: What can treatment accomplish? Can you please address this?
I will address this question in detail next week. For now I wanted to introduce the names of the psychotherapies. To cover all in one week would have been too much.
Dear southernman429: Tolle’s explanations about the EGOs is a major read for all of us going through devastation due to the Spiritually STUNTED of the world. There is so much to read in his book, it’s incredible. He states read the book cover to cover. Absorb what you can during the first reading. Put the book down, a few weeks or months later, pick the book up again and read through it. More info will pop out of the pages … the more you re-read the book, the more info comes out of the pages. It’s the same with the Bible. The more you read TRUTH, the more TRUTH comes out of the Bible.
My favorite about Tolle’s book is explaining how to go into the “now”. Be present, this minute, now. Incredible. The information in his book is taken from religious writings through the years and yes, our Lord and Savior’s writings. It’s how he puts the words on paper, that count. Allows everyone to go into “humble” mode and get out of your egos. Incredible, incredible, incredible. After you learn how to go into the “now”, your pain is gone and you can focus on forgiving your spiritually stunted EX. Pray that she goes into the light towards our Savior. That’s all we can do is pray for them. Someday, some how, God will thump them on their noggins and tell them to “wake up”. Until God takes over, let peace come back into your heart and soul. God wants us to ENJOY our lives as we travel this path. Look at your ex, not with your eyes, look at her with your heart. Now close your eyes and reflect on all the pain she caused you. Keeping your eyes closed, and not viewing her physically in your mind … you will see the little child that she really is. Not the chronological adult age … the stunted child not knowing the Lord. Not trusting and respecting the Lord. What confuses us is we assume our EXs were adults of their chronological age. They aren’t. They are children. If our hearts can see them as the children they truly are … then are hearts can heal and when our hearts heal … we can send them love and pray for them to find the Lord. Pray to God and give it over to him. Ask him how to forgive everyone who’s hurt you and he will guide you.
Peace. And read Tolle’s book throughout your life along with the word of God. Both books should be side by side as you read.
I’m sorry about your wife’s passing and you must miss her terribly… but her spirit has gone on to the next destination of her spiritual journey. My husband has passed over too along with both my parents. I know they have gone on …
JaneSmith: That’s what is know as dancing to your own beat. You made me smile while I read your post. You are suppose to be enjoying life.
Peace.
I still long to find someone caring and insightful someday, are they all sitting lonely somewhere afraid to get hurt again? I know I am.
Another thing TrishaNJ: People living from their egos will always warn you to stay away from others. Do NOT pay attention to humans coming from their egos. They are afraid and they mean well, but fear is guiding them. Everyone is God’s children. That’s the point. Fear keeps others away from other of God’s children. Fear condems others … we are to have compassion and love and faith in God. People attending church but still viewing life from their egos all mean well, but they aren’t getting the full picture. You have to pray to God that he guides you to the full picture.
Peace.
Wini,
Also I will say that my experience through the S’s in my life brought me to God. When I was in church studying the bible I was learning…but I was not healing. I knew the bible was good for me…but I was falling to pieces quickly. I was also in therapy. I went to Landmark education and I learned about our core being and started my healing….I even brought the one “criminal” S to an introduction and there one of the teachers who shared the same first name “Dennis” and the same height and size but who by coincidence shared my family last name…Duffy…..he happened to be the leader that night….talking about integrity and your word and the value of that and consequences if violated….and on and on…at the end the S Dennis spoke to the leader Dennis face to face and I was observing a miracle. Dennis asked Dennis if you don’t tell a person everything that is going on are you out of integrity? The other Dennis went to a space I never saw before and looked deep into his eyes (soul) and said “what do you think”….and S Dennis was taken aback like he just saw a ghost….I believe his soul was spoken to that day but he did not make the change needed….I continued my education which was amazing….than I hit a block…and that day I stopped the landmark education. I just couldn’t do it….I believed in the possibility of the miracle I needed…..but I have a health problem that was blocking it….I know God can change anything at anytime if he wishes…..maybe it wasn’t time for my miracle….I still have short term memory issues that make my life difficult at times….but that same day I left I receive a call from David at the Kabballah center and I learned more about transformation through them….not putting anything down at all….It was meant to be it was flowing the way God intended it to be and I was healing and mountains were moving….where before I was “dying”….now the investigation opened up and there was an arrest….and finally a plea of guilt and some resolution….and the fight was long and hard and I could not have done this the way I was left after being with Dennis….God moved me powerfully and in hindsite I know he did it because I was opening up to him in a way I never had before. And I am still healing. I had a man show up at my job one day, his name was Michael and he said his friend Steve from Bolgaria…who is also a healer told him to go to get a massage at the casino I was working at….he told him to make sure he has a conversation with the therapist….which was me….He started telling me that he had lost everything he owned due to this illness where his tissues are calcifying….like fibromyalgia or even worse….sceleroderma. It is an auto-immune disease. We talked and of course connected on a spiritual level….he came many times to see me and through that course of time he told me things that were going to happen and everyone of them came true. He said throough his healing with Steve he became close to God now who he calls “Father”…..and they are healers….He told me that Father was going to give me a little break….I was going to leave my job of 6 years in three months….he told me that my boss and the VP two married people who where having an open affair with each other were both going to loose their jobs….She would loose her job 3 months after I left and he the next year…It happened! He wanted me to become a healer too….He told me where I was moving….my boyfriend got a job in that area and we moved….I knew I had to persue healing work because God wanted me to. I had been dabling in it….but I never committed to it….I lost touch with Michael. But I did find Reiki….and I am on my way again.
Kabballah is also about shedding “ego”….through work and pray and meditation…..and when you go there you do open up to Gods healing…it comes to you in many ways…..when you truly go there….when you get it…..it comes to you.
Here is another great healing book for you all
“In the Meantime” by Iyanla Vanzant.
from the introduction
THE JOURNEY BEGINS
There will come a time in your life when all you can do is love. You will have done all you can do, tried all you can tary, hurt all you can hurt, given up so many times that love will be the only way in or out. That day will surely come. Jast as sure as you are reading this page. In the Meantime, here are a few things you can do to get ready to the most joyous day of your life: the day you experience true love.
Basically the MEANTIME is a place of learning….its a great read
TrishaNJ: There are several posts I wrote you. Where on this blog I don’t know now … they were listed on the left side but as others write – they bounce my message to you in other parts of this site. So, as you read this, scroll up to previous e-mails until you get to read everything I wrote.
Peace.
Dear Southernman,
I loved your myspace…very beautiful and inspirational…thank you
TrishNJ: The best way to shed your ego is to read Tolle’s new book “A New Earth”. He explains in detail how to go into the “now” which sheds your ego. If you would read this book, it will shed a new light on everything. Share this book with others that you know. As soon as people learn how to go into the “now”, the sooner they will heal from what is ailing them. Tolle explains “healing ourselves” too. The book is the most intense book I’ve read since reading the Bible. Actually, Tolle explains how to read the Bible from the “now” perspective not from ego. He explains how we all have an ego … some egos are in check “which we call normal” and others are out of control “which we list with a zillion names”. I like Tolle’s definition of “obnoxious” personalities. I call them “Surface Dwellers, SD for short” not going deep into the emotional/spiritual realm … skimming the surface of life due to fear, fear, fear. That’s my point here … once we can get folks to go humble, get through their fears in life … we are on a good track of healing souls in the world.
Peace and good luck in your career.
Peace.
Wini,
Eckhart Tolle “A New Earth” Awakening to your life’s purpose
Great book I read it. There are many good ways to heal oneself. It’s all a journey between you and God. And it is a daily one at that…because we are not perfect in this world.
Be Great
Be Beautiful
Be Kind
kat_o_nine_tales,
I can relate to that fear of being hurt soooo badly again. Hurt, betrayed, exploited, abused, slandered, conned…all of it. I have often wondered how I can trust again after all that. I hear that longing mixed with fear in your post. I am afraid too. Very afraid. I thought I’d finally met that caring, insightful man and he was the most abusive man I’ve met.
What I tell myself if that I can take my experience and all that I’ve learned about the “signs” and go forward in life. But I move with trepidation. I know that I can be conned despite all I now know and that “signs” are often not so obvious. I could fall in love with someone again and years later find out they’re not who they seemed. It is a scary reality.
But life requires risk. For me I know how important it is to know myself well, to walk closely with God and to move forward with my eyes WIDE open. I don’t want my experience to affect my life so greatly that I am too afraid to ever love or trust another man again. I won’t let that happen. I won’t give that power over to my ex S or anyone.
I don’t necessarily think it’s bad, at least for me, to be afraid. I was too trusting before and because a friend of mine knew my ex well I believed him to be trustworthy before making that decision on my own. I had known him as an acquaintance years ago and took that for granted too. We went to the same Christian College and I thought that made him a decent man as well. I will never base trust on any of those things again. I will be more careful next time.
I know there’s no guarantee in that. We don’t have control over everything in life. But if I don’t take chances I don’t have the opportunity to experience life at it’s fullest. I want an abundant life. So for me, I continue to work on my recovery and forge ahead as I return to LIVING life again.