Melissa K. Dean was a new lawyer in a new job. All she needed was a new romantic interest. So she posted her profile in Match.com, and received more than 30 responses in the first two days. One of the men started began his message boldly, writing, “Hi Gorgeous!”
For a woman who had long doubted her feminine appeal, the words were irresistible. More words followed—words that seemed to indicate mutual interests and goals, words that appealed to the woman’s sympathies.
Melissa K. Dean tells the story of being seduced by, married to, and then abused by, Jack Cass, a man who claimed to be a former Navy SEAL. It’s a classic story of sociopathic victimization.
Exotic dancer
Dean tells her story in a new book available in the Lovefraud Store, Hi Gorgeous! Starry Eyes and Toxic Lies.
They communicated online and by phone for a short time. Then they met for lunch, which Dean describes early in the book:
Conversation superseded our interest in our salads as we prattled on about various topics, including the characteristics we valued and disliked in potential mates. He spurned spoiled princesses and victim-oriented women, a group that included his mom—a counselor “ahead of her time,” yet victimized by by his Baptist father’s verbal abuse and infidelity with Jack’s piano teacher. He hated civilians, abhorred dishonesty and disloyalty—especially infidelity.
My bleeding heart was moved by his tale of woe, which he fully anticipated. Here was a man who’d been wounded on the battlefields of war and romance. “I let women walk all over me,” he proclaimed. The three purple hearts to which he laid claim paled in comparison to the heart he said was repeatedly broken by women who’d either cheated or bilked him out of money. “Learning to trust is a difficult task for me,” he said.
Can anyone say manipulation?
At one point before meeting Cass, Dean worked as an exotic dancer—that’s how she earned the money to take a prep course for her bar exam. Cass was fascinated by her former stint as a stripper, and after he manipulated Dean into marriage, saw his future in marketing his wife as a sexy model and dancer at biker clubs.
He, of course, had financial problems, child support payments and no steady income. But he had big ideas, which he convinced his wife to participate in. Gradually, he became more and more impatient with Dean’s contributions, and displayed his displeasure through emotional, psychological and sexual abuse.
Message of hope
In their letters to Lovefraud, many people have said their experiences with a sociopath were so outrageous that they should write a book about what happened to them. Melissa Dean has done it.
Many of you, who thought you were the only person on the planet experiencing the abuse and crazy-making of a sociopath, will take comfort in her story. You are not alone. In fact, many of you will recognize yourself, and the person who victimized you, in the tale.
Dean’s book has a happy ending—she escapes and begins to rebuild her life, her way. Her story is proof that you can recover from the abuse. It’s the message of hope and healing we all need.
Wini
Matt: She’s using the new guy the same way she uses and abuses everyone in her life.
The only difference between you and the “new” guy (victim) is … YOU NOW KNOW WHAT A USER AND ABUSER she is … and the new guy doesn’t have a clue … yet!!
Besides, who cares what any of our EXs are doing to the new unsuspecting victim (I feel for the latest victims and hope they aren’t as devastated as I was) but, we are free from the bondage of EVIL to find someone to love and who will love us in return.
I just wrote James regarding this quote the other day …. it’s taken from the movie “Wedding Date” … Dermit Mulroney speaks the line …
“The hardest part of loving someone is having the COURAGE to let them love you back”.
If anyone finds out who wrote that line, I’d love to give the author credit for this very powerful insight into what humans are doing when involved in a relationship.
Peace.
keeping_faith
sorry Matt…..but I was offlin for a while. WORK IS BUSY but yes to your question from last night. that is the story.
; )
Matt
keeping_faith:
I read it and posted under it. Amazing the parallels in our stories. Separated at birth?
Plowman
Wini, I had just finished watching ‘Back To The Future’ hourse before I red your post and it struck me as something to bring up. You’re right; as bullies get older I find, particularly in the work fields, they use facial expressions, tones of voice and words to bully people. Now, with regards to family members? These bullies probably use all of the above AND physical violence against their wives, husbands, girlfeinds, mistresses, kids, etc. so what you say has solid meaning, Wini. I also liked when Marty told Doc that his father punched out Biff and Doc was so surprised when Marty told him he’d never stood up to Biff before. Then, as Marty comes back to 1985, the whole scenario is changed due to his father’s newfound confidence. That right there tells us that bullies i.e sociopaths love to know when someone confidence has been shatters. It’s almost like seeing a black eye on someone they’ve beaten up – just something to show they were there and did damage to someone.
Greenfern, I’m glad you found some sort of validation in the paragraph about clean break up versus dirty ones. It’s true that I don’t react very well to break ups but al least found some type of comfort in knowing that someone was honest enough to tell me because they weren’t happy or that they were interested in pursuing another relationship. That’s the part that , among others, that will always keep me from being civil to me ex. She did it twice over a years time, slept with these guys and kept me in the loop, too. Her friend (maid of honor) by accpeting that position for her, accepted this as par for the course, in my opinion -even though she told me she told she was disappointed in her and what she did, she still went ahead with it. That’s bullshit, in my opinion. Like I mentioned in my earlier post, talking to her meant nothing and I told her ‘You wasted yout time by doing that because she doesn’t care’. My other friend ceased all communication with her and point blank told me she could never back up someone like that who did what she did for as long as she did to me. She made a choice that she didn’t want to be associatd with a piece of garbage. Actions, not words, are the only thing that a sociopath can identify with – even though they can very convincing with their words.
As far as your ex sitting there with his wife laughing at you and making you feel uncomfortable, what was the point of that? To make you feel small? To try and get you upset? I’m shocked his wife even went through with it. Most women would see that as a clear indication a man wasn’t over his ex and would leave in a heart beat. Clearly, this woman is just as screwed up as he is. Glad they found one another. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You’re doing fine!
Plowman
WOW! What happened to everyone? Was there a Love Fraud weekend retreat I didn’t know about?
I hope everyone’s okay and healing. Take care and I hope I hear from you all soon.
eliza
Plowman,
I know it has been pretty quiet on here right? I have been hanging back and reading, observing all weekend. Since the sociopath turned my brain into noodles I don’t feel that I have too terribly much to contribute!
Rune
Hi Folks: I’m down at the coffee shop waiting for you to show up!
Ox Drover
Good morning, Rune, I’ve got coffee mug (my favorite pottery one made by a friend –no lead) and sitting here drinking my morning “ambition.” Its going to be 50 out today and some sunshine so it is a “holiday” and I will shortly get outside and find something interesting and fun to do.
Plow man, I WISH we could have a “lovefraud retreat” weekend, wouldn’t that be wonderful! Can you just imagine all the hugging, laughter and tears!!! I admit though, that with the “group” scattered all over the world and the US, and many people being left dead broke with kids, etc. it would be difficult to arrange.
I even offered the use of my farm and buildings here as a place to have it last year about this time when several of us got the urge for a face to face retreat—at least there is room to camp, an aircraft hangar for meetings etc in case of rain, etc. and I have a commerically licensed kitchen capable of feeding several hundred people…and so the cost could be really cheap, no hotel rooms to pay for, no conference rooms to pay for etc. just bring a sleeping bag and a piece of foam to put under it. Our living history group does 2-week long camp outs in the boonies with less infrastructure than we have here. Without showers, you just use the old wash basin “bath” and we haul in lots of porta-johns. Sigh, but at least for now it is a dream only.
Yesterday was a wonderful day so I spent most of the day outside in the sunshine to recharge my “solar soul batteries”–been cooped up too much due to the bad ice storm we had in this area. People are still out of power (45,000 according to last night’s news report) and will be a WHILE before they get it. Worst storm in 40 years in parts of the state starting 15 miles north of me.
You guys have a great day!
Plowman
Eliza, does he continue to bother you? This man’s sole purpose is to further see you miserable because it make him happy in some twisted way. Do your best to avoid him and I won’t tell you to try and not think of him because that’s the last thing you want to hear. I can’t preach it it if I can’t practice it.
Rune, sorry I missed Alice, Flo and Vera said you waited for an hour. Mel was the only one cooking, too. I woke up late because of some partying after the Steelers/Cardinals SB. My only regret was no one to celebrate with. Another time perhaps.
OxDrover, wouldn’t that be really something for a Love Fraud retreat? I dont know how much sleep we would lose but it would be worth it. We would all have a blast.
Everyone have a great day and talk to you all again soon!
tink3010
Oh my that Hi gorgeous made me laugh out so loud, virtually a daily text message when apart even had a “hi geomphus” when he was a few too many drinks in or without glasses.