Melissa K. Dean was a new lawyer in a new job. All she needed was a new romantic interest. So she posted her profile in Match.com, and received more than 30 responses in the first two days. One of the men started began his message boldly, writing, “Hi Gorgeous!”
For a woman who had long doubted her feminine appeal, the words were irresistible. More words followed—words that seemed to indicate mutual interests and goals, words that appealed to the woman’s sympathies.
Melissa K. Dean tells the story of being seduced by, married to, and then abused by, Jack Cass, a man who claimed to be a former Navy SEAL. It’s a classic story of sociopathic victimization.
Exotic dancer
Dean tells her story in a new book available in the Lovefraud Store, Hi Gorgeous! Starry Eyes and Toxic Lies.
They communicated online and by phone for a short time. Then they met for lunch, which Dean describes early in the book:
Conversation superseded our interest in our salads as we prattled on about various topics, including the characteristics we valued and disliked in potential mates. He spurned spoiled princesses and victim-oriented women, a group that included his mom—a counselor “ahead of her time,” yet victimized by by his Baptist father’s verbal abuse and infidelity with Jack’s piano teacher. He hated civilians, abhorred dishonesty and disloyalty—especially infidelity.
My bleeding heart was moved by his tale of woe, which he fully anticipated. Here was a man who’d been wounded on the battlefields of war and romance. “I let women walk all over me,” he proclaimed. The three purple hearts to which he laid claim paled in comparison to the heart he said was repeatedly broken by women who’d either cheated or bilked him out of money. “Learning to trust is a difficult task for me,” he said.
Can anyone say manipulation?
At one point before meeting Cass, Dean worked as an exotic dancer—that’s how she earned the money to take a prep course for her bar exam. Cass was fascinated by her former stint as a stripper, and after he manipulated Dean into marriage, saw his future in marketing his wife as a sexy model and dancer at biker clubs.
He, of course, had financial problems, child support payments and no steady income. But he had big ideas, which he convinced his wife to participate in. Gradually, he became more and more impatient with Dean’s contributions, and displayed his displeasure through emotional, psychological and sexual abuse.
Message of hope
In their letters to Lovefraud, many people have said their experiences with a sociopath were so outrageous that they should write a book about what happened to them. Melissa Dean has done it.
Many of you, who thought you were the only person on the planet experiencing the abuse and crazy-making of a sociopath, will take comfort in her story. You are not alone. In fact, many of you will recognize yourself, and the person who victimized you, in the tale.
Dean’s book has a happy ending—she escapes and begins to rebuild her life, her way. Her story is proof that you can recover from the abuse. It’s the message of hope and healing we all need.
OXY,
I know…….my head is ready for the skillet…ding! and I HAVE been finding out that the less I speak the easier it gets. But she always says something that she knows my heart was into and the blame pours for not making it work. That is the hardest part for me. But today was a no contact day for me even after she text. Im getting there. Im just wanting to be the super heroine with extra special powers that can be there to see her demise. That makes me sound evil doesn’t it? but I think that is the deal with me……Im only wanting to keep contact to see how bad she goes on. I guess in a way to prove to myself that I wasn’t crazy and im not making wrong assumptions about her. We all know how convincing they are with their intentions. And here I am giving her some benefit of the doubt!!!! Damn, give me the skillet! It’s soooo hard!!!
Seriously, I do know that NC is the way. It’s only been three months but she has shown up and I have threatened a restraining order, now it’s at least down to just texting from the phone. And I know that when she first got with me and was telling her last ex how bad it was and it was over that she resorted to texting her until she had me hooked and it stopped! Until she cheated with her(LOL) but she is keeping me hanging till she finds someone else and it will stop
I know I am spewing things out in such fragmented manner. Just because I have never been able to voice them, or tell anyone, because its all so bizarre. I can actually speak intelligently. My mind is fried.
oxy,
I like the potted plant idea. Im gonna put a dead potted plant on my snow covered deck in full view!! Each day, that is how I will think of her. Cold, freezing for affection she will never get,wishing she had the warmth of my love to invigorate the life she had with me and to bring her back to life, wishing I would care for her, etc. But she will remain the dead potted plant I look at every morning! And when I am done looking at her this spring, I’ll let her sit there some more. It will become the most alive plant I have. good symbolism I think
Eliza,
My sociopath loved animals too. I met him on a reptile forum. He loved snakes and was very kinds and gentle to my snakes and cats. He seemed to have a real understanding of what snakes need (waiting for the obvious analogy of snakes and sociopaths here…..lol). But he collected 9 of them in 2 months with heat lamps, large cages, etc. knowing he was planning to move out of state shortly. It would be nearly impossible to make the trip with all those snakes and the stress would be horrible for them. That’s the kind of craziness you get with a sociopath.
ooh has anyone read the story about the young woman walking in the forest in winter, who let a poisonous snake convince her to pick it up and keep it warm, then it pretty much bit her, said screw you and left her to die in the snow. yeah, i feel like her.
Eliza,
He would shoot a child before an animal but he works in Child protection services? Mass emailed his penis? Sounds like you’ve gotten out early and count your blessings. They can explain away everything to a point they will have you believing everything they say. Sweetheart, dont ignore your red flags now! Im trying not to be the pot who calls the kettle black but it all starts somewhere and the longer you let it go on the worse it’s gonna be for you to get out! I know from experience and I am still trying to get out. You have found the right place to start
That’s pretty much what they do. They are like walking venomous snakes (no offense to snakes, which I love dearly). It is who they are and what they do. And we are the unlucky few who have had the displeasure of dealing with them. The rest of the world is pretty oblivious.
Believe me anetsu, tip of the iceberg with this wierdo, but he lured me in before he started all of this. The red flags were there, but small, easily explained away, then it escalated, I was already in love. I have stopped it now because of the shooting a child comment. I have a child. And I got scared.
eliza,
if he did that off the bat….you have no idea what was to come. I have beat myself up over letting myself be so stupid for three yrs. I invested so much just waiting for the love they speak but never can produce and my “S” was much like yours in the beginning. wanting me, telling me everything i wanted to hear, making me fall in love. But there ended up several of us that was hearing the same thing but I was the one putting the money out. everyone else were just victims in waiting
Wow, I wonder if the child protection service he works for knows he feels like this. You think someone there might notice something is amiss.