Melissa K. Dean was a new lawyer in a new job. All she needed was a new romantic interest. So she posted her profile in Match.com, and received more than 30 responses in the first two days. One of the men started began his message boldly, writing, “Hi Gorgeous!”
For a woman who had long doubted her feminine appeal, the words were irresistible. More words followed—words that seemed to indicate mutual interests and goals, words that appealed to the woman’s sympathies.
Melissa K. Dean tells the story of being seduced by, married to, and then abused by, Jack Cass, a man who claimed to be a former Navy SEAL. It’s a classic story of sociopathic victimization.
Exotic dancer
Dean tells her story in a new book available in the Lovefraud Store, Hi Gorgeous! Starry Eyes and Toxic Lies.
They communicated online and by phone for a short time. Then they met for lunch, which Dean describes early in the book:
Conversation superseded our interest in our salads as we prattled on about various topics, including the characteristics we valued and disliked in potential mates. He spurned spoiled princesses and victim-oriented women, a group that included his mom—a counselor “ahead of her time,” yet victimized by by his Baptist father’s verbal abuse and infidelity with Jack’s piano teacher. He hated civilians, abhorred dishonesty and disloyalty—especially infidelity.
My bleeding heart was moved by his tale of woe, which he fully anticipated. Here was a man who’d been wounded on the battlefields of war and romance. “I let women walk all over me,” he proclaimed. The three purple hearts to which he laid claim paled in comparison to the heart he said was repeatedly broken by women who’d either cheated or bilked him out of money. “Learning to trust is a difficult task for me,” he said.
Can anyone say manipulation?
At one point before meeting Cass, Dean worked as an exotic dancer—that’s how she earned the money to take a prep course for her bar exam. Cass was fascinated by her former stint as a stripper, and after he manipulated Dean into marriage, saw his future in marketing his wife as a sexy model and dancer at biker clubs.
He, of course, had financial problems, child support payments and no steady income. But he had big ideas, which he convinced his wife to participate in. Gradually, he became more and more impatient with Dean’s contributions, and displayed his displeasure through emotional, psychological and sexual abuse.
Message of hope
In their letters to Lovefraud, many people have said their experiences with a sociopath were so outrageous that they should write a book about what happened to them. Melissa Dean has done it.
Many of you, who thought you were the only person on the planet experiencing the abuse and crazy-making of a sociopath, will take comfort in her story. You are not alone. In fact, many of you will recognize yourself, and the person who victimized you, in the tale.
Dean’s book has a happy ending—she escapes and begins to rebuild her life, her way. Her story is proof that you can recover from the abuse. It’s the message of hope and healing we all need.
Isn’t it cruel that they exist. For us, and for them as well. I hate my sociopath. But I pity him, certainly not enough to allow him to use me again (at least that is how I feel now, not a weak moment). He told me once that he has never said I love you to anyone, not even his parents. He always said l-bomb, never the word love. He used the word once, in the last conversation we had, in a way that disgusted me. I said I wish you cared about me, I wish you would at least admit that you used me. He said he guessed he just loved being inside of me. I wonder how many people he said that to. Probably a lot. Maybe that was a mass text.
That’s so disgusting, eliza. That is a classic devalue. I didn’t stick around long enough for the devalue. He was intimate with me one day, telling me he was in love with me and wanted to spend his life with me. The next day he pulled a no call/no show. Two days later he posted a picture of himself on our website, wearing his WEDDING RING! That was it. I was done. I never spoke to him again, except to threaten to turn him in to the army for adultery if I ever heard from him again. Since he continued to post on the site, I went ahead and turned him in. His case is pending punishment.
I think that I am lucky I have no money for this guy to have stolen from me! I am blessed!
You know what he also exploited his position and accessed a lot of my personal information, tax etc. through his state job. But yes I researched and confirmed he works for children’s services, HOW SCARY RIGHT? He is definitely a predator, I hope to God he wouldn’t do anything to a child. Hopefully his super-ego at least would prevent that. He always bragged about how he was saving them, of course this was after I confronted his about his not being registered with the BARR. HAHA. MY friends and I call him fake-attorney.
Watch out that your identity doesn’t get stolen. I’d have all 3 credit reporting agencies file a fraud alert on your account.
The irony is that if you tried to turn him in to the agency they probably wouldn’t believe you or take you seriously. But I would document all of his crazy behaviors, just in case you ever decide to.
Good point about the fraud, I will look into that asap.
Can’t believe that guy told you he loved you then dropped you that way. Pardon me, but what a prick. Nice job shutting him off so hard-core. You are pretty tough.
Stargazer is right eliza…. if you tried to turn him in it would be useless, because they are ten steps ahead of us. I spent so much time trying to do damage control for me but no one believed. They looked at me like, “How can we be talking about the same person” No one else sees them like we do and they do that on purpose in a veru calculated way
I think that he will ultimately destroy himself somehow. I am not interested in taking him down or whatever. I am a big believer in the KARMA. He is not ten steps ahead of me. I have kind of always known in a wierd way what was going on, I was just already in love and trying my best to ignore it or justify it or explain it. We are ahead of them in ways that they can’t comprehend, we have more, we use more of our brains. We can be hurt, but how much does it have to scare them that one day someone might scream and point them out. Eventually attention will be drawn to him. He will always have to hide, because anyone who is around him enough will see him as deviant.
Oh dont give them so much credit. He was ten steps ahead of you but you broke his plans. He is always ahead in his calculations of victims, maybe thats why he dropped you like a hot potatoe. And you are like me, I want to see the demise of my ‘S’ too but I know I never will. The revenge I want will never be satisfied in my lifetime. It hurts so bad that I could allow myself to be so duped and they are still out there doing it to other people. But they are two people. One to us, that they use and another to everyone else who thinks they are gold. Thats they way they work it. It doesnt allow them to feel total rejection(as if they really feel) because they always have the “wing” people who will back them up. sad isnt it?
Yeah he definitely withdrew from me more and more as I discovered things and called him out on his ridiculous lies. I really think its odd he didn’t completely cut me off before I did him.
It is sad. He had this short bald little friend he always kept around, he was constantly putting him down, making fun of him for not getting laid enough. And you could tell the poor guy wanted to be just like the S. He thought he was a god or something. That made me sick to see. My S wasn’t very tall, insisted I wear flats with him in public, but he found a shorter less attractive guy to make him look good.
You are cathching on Eliza, they always keep someone else beneath them. Thats their power to their soul. Someone who makes them feel like they are someone to be looked up to. I tried so hard to change my S. Even wanted to go to therapy. We went as a couple for three sessions and as the therapist tore her apart she started having excuses why she couldnt come. She then said she wanted to go on her own and after i kept at her about it she did…..for two sessions. she came home after the first one and said, “oh god, this is so good she really gets me, she went one more time and never went back. And then it was like, I dont have a problem, gosh Im not going anymore. You got out at a good time!! I know you feel duped but you have to chalk it up because we are good people who bad things have happened to.