Melissa K. Dean was a new lawyer in a new job. All she needed was a new romantic interest. So she posted her profile in Match.com, and received more than 30 responses in the first two days. One of the men started began his message boldly, writing, “Hi Gorgeous!”
For a woman who had long doubted her feminine appeal, the words were irresistible. More words followed—words that seemed to indicate mutual interests and goals, words that appealed to the woman’s sympathies.
Melissa K. Dean tells the story of being seduced by, married to, and then abused by, Jack Cass, a man who claimed to be a former Navy SEAL. It’s a classic story of sociopathic victimization.
Exotic dancer
Dean tells her story in a new book available in the Lovefraud Store, Hi Gorgeous! Starry Eyes and Toxic Lies.
They communicated online and by phone for a short time. Then they met for lunch, which Dean describes early in the book:
Conversation superseded our interest in our salads as we prattled on about various topics, including the characteristics we valued and disliked in potential mates. He spurned spoiled princesses and victim-oriented women, a group that included his mom—a counselor “ahead of her time,” yet victimized by by his Baptist father’s verbal abuse and infidelity with Jack’s piano teacher. He hated civilians, abhorred dishonesty and disloyalty—especially infidelity.
My bleeding heart was moved by his tale of woe, which he fully anticipated. Here was a man who’d been wounded on the battlefields of war and romance. “I let women walk all over me,” he proclaimed. The three purple hearts to which he laid claim paled in comparison to the heart he said was repeatedly broken by women who’d either cheated or bilked him out of money. “Learning to trust is a difficult task for me,” he said.
Can anyone say manipulation?
At one point before meeting Cass, Dean worked as an exotic dancer—that’s how she earned the money to take a prep course for her bar exam. Cass was fascinated by her former stint as a stripper, and after he manipulated Dean into marriage, saw his future in marketing his wife as a sexy model and dancer at biker clubs.
He, of course, had financial problems, child support payments and no steady income. But he had big ideas, which he convinced his wife to participate in. Gradually, he became more and more impatient with Dean’s contributions, and displayed his displeasure through emotional, psychological and sexual abuse.
Message of hope
In their letters to Lovefraud, many people have said their experiences with a sociopath were so outrageous that they should write a book about what happened to them. Melissa Dean has done it.
Many of you, who thought you were the only person on the planet experiencing the abuse and crazy-making of a sociopath, will take comfort in her story. You are not alone. In fact, many of you will recognize yourself, and the person who victimized you, in the tale.
Dean’s book has a happy ending—she escapes and begins to rebuild her life, her way. Her story is proof that you can recover from the abuse. It’s the message of hope and healing we all need.
That sucks that you tried so hard to make it work, but it was hopeless because you accidentally loved a jerk-face.
My issue is being attracted to the stoic Mr. Darcy types, they can easily be sociopaths. All that mystery, I guess people are mysterious because they have something to hide. Duh me.
eliza: my ex s path had a bold short friend he alled him his best friend, h used this guy too like yours. he hang round with him but behind his back he would say to me he the short guy doesnt know how to talk to or pick up woman putting im down all the time. then when my ex got a girlf rien always dropped the best freind short guy then when his relationship didnt work out he gets back inwith him and uses him as a buddy to go out with. really mean. but you know whats funny the last thing i heard was that my ex is single and th short guy has a girlfriend, i felt so good when i heard this. karma is good sometimes. im sure he hung around with the short unattractive guy to make himself look so so good. . they arre the bigest users on earth.
Jules,
Yeah sometimes when i see pics of my S I wonder how he ever turned my head. Definitely the predator eyes. But his poor little friend was actually acting like an S a lot of times. I don’t think he really was one though, just a wannabe, which is almost worse I think. That is so wierd that yours had one too!
Eliza:
Welcome to LoveFraud. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, but it does get better.
I see you’re struggling with the crazy making behavior and their timeline. I did a post in December “Criminal Attorney Falls for Sociopath”. You might want to check it out. A lot of LoveFraud readers told me it was a playbook for how these parasites work.
Also, turn him in for accessing your records. Every state has laws against that kind of thing. There have been several recent cases of people being prosecuted and convicted for abusing their government positions by doing just that. And it’s not your word against his. If he or had someone else access a computer to do so, it’s his word against the computer records. Do it. Take back your power.
Anetsu:
Like you, I want to be around for my S’s end. Only in his case, I want to be sitting there in court when he’s sent back to prison.
Stargazer:
Good to see you back. Glad to see life is picking up for you and you’re moving forward. You give us all faith that it is possible to recover from the carnage a S sows in our lives.
It’s nice to know there’s another book out about sociopathy. At the same time, it would have been better if lovefraud actually reviewed this book. Is this a worthy, useful and well-written book? I cannot tell from this blog posting. I assume from the fact that you are selling it at the Lovefraud store that you have vetted the content. Is that a good assumption to make? Will Lovefraud be hurt if people are disappointed in this book?
I advise anyone who wants to buy this book to read the excerpt that is posted online at the publisher’s Web site. The author obviously has good intentions, but you know, writing well is a very challenging task.
“And it’s even more satisfying when you cut them off cold and move along with your life.”
Actually Matt, This was the hardest thing I even had to do in my life. I had children with my (Unmarried) ex s/p and tried hard to keep conversations and visits open between us. We had a LTR (my ex s/p and I were together for 17 yrs). But after the many dangerous stunts she pulled and being hassle by her via phone calls and seeing the hurt in my children’s eyes when she force herself on them by demanding to speak with them on the phone even when they repeating told her they didn’t want to talk or call her, we then went NC. Again Matt this was something we all wanted. My children are at a age were they understood how dysfunctional their mother was. That what she was doing was morally wrong and past experience (more so my oldest son and I) of verbal abuse from her. My children and I had never before just “shut the door” (NC) on anyone before. In fact (before we ever knew anything about NC) this was suggested but my oldest son. Which I in the end agreed too. But in the end my (our) children are today much happier and have a more stable environment to completed their autonomy….
No in short it broke my heart Matt and in a way still does……………..
But thanks for asking Matt and hope you will heal soon as well…
PS: Matt, it’s been 3 years of NC, so we are healing and going on with our life’s
Welcome Plowman to LF! So glad you can join us 🙂
anetsu
As God is my witness these S/P use cell phone landline phone and emails (not so much with emails because we can save those) like a GUN! I know my ex did and so much that it drove my children and I crazy. One day I had to unplug the phone jack just to stop the continuous “RING RING RING”!!!! Then my youngest son walking into the room and asked me “Dad how many times did you let it ring” I reply “don’t know son I lost counted.” I sometimes still jump when I hear a phone ring….
Matt,
I read your post. I am realizing as I read the stories of others that although I am in pain I should be counting my blessings that the toll on me has been merely emotional. If it can be merely.
Your S seems to have been so much more experienced than mine. My S is only 26 though, it gives me chills to think he is going to get better at this. He is no good at feigning passion, bad kisser. But surprisingly good in bed, or do I think that because he told me he was? That he and I weren’t just sex, we were orgasmic, the best ever. I can’t distinguish at this point.
Matt,
Did he ever give you the creeps? Or was he able to disguise his predatory side completely for a long time?