Melissa K. Dean was a new lawyer in a new job. All she needed was a new romantic interest. So she posted her profile in Match.com, and received more than 30 responses in the first two days. One of the men started began his message boldly, writing, “Hi Gorgeous!”
For a woman who had long doubted her feminine appeal, the words were irresistible. More words followed—words that seemed to indicate mutual interests and goals, words that appealed to the woman’s sympathies.
Melissa K. Dean tells the story of being seduced by, married to, and then abused by, Jack Cass, a man who claimed to be a former Navy SEAL. It’s a classic story of sociopathic victimization.
Exotic dancer
Dean tells her story in a new book available in the Lovefraud Store, Hi Gorgeous! Starry Eyes and Toxic Lies.
They communicated online and by phone for a short time. Then they met for lunch, which Dean describes early in the book:
Conversation superseded our interest in our salads as we prattled on about various topics, including the characteristics we valued and disliked in potential mates. He spurned spoiled princesses and victim-oriented women, a group that included his mom—a counselor “ahead of her time,” yet victimized by by his Baptist father’s verbal abuse and infidelity with Jack’s piano teacher. He hated civilians, abhorred dishonesty and disloyalty—especially infidelity.
My bleeding heart was moved by his tale of woe, which he fully anticipated. Here was a man who’d been wounded on the battlefields of war and romance. “I let women walk all over me,” he proclaimed. The three purple hearts to which he laid claim paled in comparison to the heart he said was repeatedly broken by women who’d either cheated or bilked him out of money. “Learning to trust is a difficult task for me,” he said.
Can anyone say manipulation?
At one point before meeting Cass, Dean worked as an exotic dancer—that’s how she earned the money to take a prep course for her bar exam. Cass was fascinated by her former stint as a stripper, and after he manipulated Dean into marriage, saw his future in marketing his wife as a sexy model and dancer at biker clubs.
He, of course, had financial problems, child support payments and no steady income. But he had big ideas, which he convinced his wife to participate in. Gradually, he became more and more impatient with Dean’s contributions, and displayed his displeasure through emotional, psychological and sexual abuse.
Message of hope
In their letters to Lovefraud, many people have said their experiences with a sociopath were so outrageous that they should write a book about what happened to them. Melissa Dean has done it.
Many of you, who thought you were the only person on the planet experiencing the abuse and crazy-making of a sociopath, will take comfort in her story. You are not alone. In fact, many of you will recognize yourself, and the person who victimized you, in the tale.
Dean’s book has a happy ending—she escapes and begins to rebuild her life, her way. Her story is proof that you can recover from the abuse. It’s the message of hope and healing we all need.
James
Eliza Welcome to LF and if I missed anyone else.. Welcome! 🙂
keeping_faith
Eliza,
Read November archives, “Not One Thing About Him Was Real”. My experience did not cost me in money or physical pain and suffering as it has others. Don’t underestimate the affect on you emotionally and psychologically. The XS/P I dealt with was a very good con. his motives are not so much financial gain but he is recently unemployed and doesn’t have the family funding he used to have. He is more into power and control and in a very abusive way.
I wonder myself if things looked so good with him initially, sexually and otherwise, because they were not so good previously?? I was in the relationship for two years off and on (he stalked and harassed me for a period of time) and I have been recovering for a year in therapy. They are damaging individuals. Don’t let this affect the rest of your life. You are just coming out of the fog. Don’t get sucked back in. no contact is the only way.
eliza
I have made it impossible for him to contact me. I have tried before. Three weeks is longest I have gone without breaking down. Like an addict. I want this one to stick. Thank you keeping_faith and thank you for welcoming me James.
keeping_faith
eliza,
The first few months were amazing. Then little by little, his behavior became bad, starting huge arguements over little things, accusing me of sleeping with clients and vendors when out to lunch, started telling bizarre stories of ilitary servise, torture. None of what he told me was true. It took time and I let too many of these “creepy” things (even with his adult daughters, roll off my back. I thought I needed him. i thought he was the best thing that had hapepned to me. Now i can’t even comprehend what i saw in him or how I tolerated him. He was an abusive, control freak with constant drama in his life. he was a pathalogical liar. He has lied and cheated his whole life. It got to the point where the stories were more and more elaborate. he would tell me something was up whenever a black Suburban with dark windows rolled down the street, (because those were the vehicles they used when he worked for the NSA)……I had him investigated. Nothing was true.
eliza
I think if my S had said he worked for some secret organization I would have wanted to believe it! Something had to explain his secretiveness and odd behavior! But he just lied about everything else. I realized that his code for leaving my house to go visit another woman he was sleeping with was either, “Going to visit my grandma”, or “Taking my little cousin to the zoo.” He used those ALL the time. He even told me when with me that he had used one of those excuses to blow off his best friend to come see me. Said also that he did nude modeling for an art class in college and all of the girls wanted to date him because he was well-endowed. But he was too embarrassed to buy the larger condoms, I had to do that, then he stole them and used them with other women. THANKS jerk.
keeping_faith
OMG…… eliza the XS/P was obsessed with his penis too. His code for working for the NSA was “part time job” His previous affair told me he used to call it “working on the farm”. They are strange and bizarre. He used to brag about how his daughter’s friends were always hitting on him. How they love attention.
eliza
I think about the scene in American Psycho where he is having sex but staring at his reflection in a show of extreme narcissism. THAT is my S, expecially with regard to his penis. Actually when I was that movie for the first time recently (yes I know its old) I litterally felt ill, because it really did remind me of my S.
keeping_faith
I just watched that movie the other night. Guys at the gym have even commented about how he is always looking at himself in the mirror. He abused steroids. I found used and unused needles in his apartment.
eliza
saw not was…geez i am dislexic or something
eliza
Oh, that is not good, steriods make people extra violent. Good thing to stay away from that one, that is really scary.
My S was very into his hair and clothes. He just liked attention, even apparently from men? He told me he would go to gay bars sometimes and let men buy him drinks. Also told me he would want to assume the male role (if that is incorrect or not pc I am so sorry I don’t mean anything by it) if he was gay?? Very very confusing for me.