“Victims are created in two ways: by violence or by deceit. Either type of assault immediately renders the victim hostage to the perpetrator.”
So begins the book Legal Abuse Syndrome, by Karin Huffer, MS, MFT. Lovefraud strongly recommends that anyone who has been victimized by a sociopath read this book, whether you have faced your perpetrator in court or not.
The book explains how people who have suffered injury at the hands of some type of predator often face further injury inflicted by lawyers and the courts, who can be, at best, disinterested, and at worst, corrupt. Legal Abuse Syndrome, Huffer says, is a form of post traumatic stress disorder caused by prolonged contact with the so-called “justice” system.
Along the way, however, the author answers many of the questions that those of us victimized by sociopaths have asked:
If I am the victim, why do I feel guilty?
Why can’t I share my devastation with my family and friends?
How can I recover from this assault?
Conscience-centered and power-centered
Huffer does not call the perpetrators of assault, and the complicit people in the legal bureaucracy, sociopaths or psychopaths. Rather, she describes everyone as fitting somewhere on a continuum of motivation between “conscience-centered” and “power-centered.” The extreme power-centered individuals, however, are clearly sociopaths.
Huffer writes:
Trust has usually left the conscience-centered vulnerable. If deception is to work, there have to be those who trust. Convergence of power-centered and conscience-centered people, in their purest forms, will inevitably result in the conscience-centered person being victimized. It is a marriage of deathly complementary value systems upon which the power-centered thrive. They literally tend a garden of trusting relationships while perpetrating hidden agendas.
Those who value truth, honesty, and a moral and ethical code make up the majority of people. These masses are the conscience-centered who collide head-on against a slick minority of individuals, the power-centered. PC’s pull out the “big guns” of moral turpitude for power motives, regardless of damage to others or society.
Of course, everyone on Lovefraud knows exactly what the author is talking about.
Eight steps to recovery
Even more important than describing the experience of the victim—”the kidnapping of the soul”—Karin Huffer offers a path to recovery.
- Debriefing: Writing down, in a particular format, exactly what happened.
- Grieving: A natural and healing reaction to the most profound loss—a loss of trust.
- Obsession: Figuring out what happened occupies a victim’s life.
- Blaming: Guilt, rage, anger and wrong need to be directed at the offender.
- Deshaming: Victims must get rid of inappropriate shame.
- Reframing: Reframe the experience with insights that empower and affirm the self.
- Empowerment: Taking ownership of the ravaged experience.
- Recovery: Emerging from victim as a veteran, with honed wisdom, courage and tools.
Huffer’s point is that it is possible to recover from the destruction inflicted by power-centered individuals, i.e., sociopaths, and grow as an individual. It is a message of hope.
Overcoming devastation
This book’s full title is Overcoming the Devastation of Legal Abuse Syndrome. It provides case studies of people who have been defrauded by criminals, lawyers and judges, often operating in cahoots. Only one case involved a typical Lovefraud story—a deceptive husband trying to cut his wife out of the marital assets. And it does offer advice for people who are in litigation with predators.
But I think the book could be called Overcoming the Devastation of a Sociopath. From cover to cover, it is filled with insight into what we have experienced, and how to come to terms with it. It is invaluable help for anyone who, after gross deception and injustice, trying to recover a sense of self.
Buy the book in the Lovefraud Store.
Donna, thank you for this article.
I can relate to the 8 stages of Recovery, and am particularly happy that #3 is there, because it makes me feel more “normal’! Also I believe #2, Grief, is particularly crucial in healing, and am therefore including the link to Elisabeth Hubler-Ross’ 5 Stages of Grief, which is a very important sub-set of the Stages of Recovery above.
http://www.businessballs.com/elisabeth_kubler_ross_five_stages_of_grief.htm#elisabeth_kubler-ross_five_stages_of_grief
Anyone who has dealt with the “justice system” I am sure can relate to this….it is anything BUT “just.”
When my mother was giving her assets left and right to the Ps and I hired a lawyer to try and stop this, because she was obviously not in her right mind (I have NO doubt that she was being drugged with benzodiazepines) the frustration I felt was immense. I spent all the funds I had available (without putting my own financial life at risk) for lawyers etc.
So many victims, especially women with x-husbands who are Ps, or who share children with them, I am sure will profit greatly by this book.
I am so looking forward to reading this book. I am about to deal with the justice system, and I can already tell there is not going to be “justice” involved. As far as I can tell so far, if I can somehow resolve the divorce settlement outside of court, I think I will be better off, unfortunately. I was hoping a judge would look at my husband and say, “You have been deceitful your entire marriage, have emotionally abused your wife, used her, manipulated her, coerced her into sacrificing her career and life for you… therefore, you deserve nothing.” Well, it’s not going to go that way at all, as my attorney tells me all these things don’t matter. The career sacrifices may come into play, but all the rest of the “moral” issues do not matter one bit. All of us on Lovefraud know that we are the victims of someone that intentionally targeted us. But, this has no bearing in a courtroom. The conscience-centered person has no chance against the power-centered in a court of law. A real pity. I look forward to fully reaching Step 8 – Recovery, and “emerging from victim as a veteran, with honed wisdom, courage and tools”. Unfortunately, I have a ways to go.
I can’t wait to read this book. I went through it already and probably know what the written words will be. I still would like the validation that others know. We know.
My attorney pretended to be a good guy, sold me out, whether he lied about the judge or the judge was in on it to, I have yet to find out. He was going through another divorce (how many wives?) when he represented me. Did his hatred for his soon to be ex filter on to me? Just guessing? This answer will eventually come my way. I’m sure of it (just another unanswered question of mine up in the air right now, floating around the universe), I don’t think my attorney is anti-social, I think he buckled under due to political pressure. I know my ex sold me out. Too many coincidences of what I told him and only him and then it came back to me at work. I thought my phone or my house was bugged. So all of them, my attorney, the judge who my attorney said refused to hear my case, threw my case out, I had to bring it to a higher court and then bring it back into the state I live), my ex, my bosses, their cronies are doing just fine. Went from one prestigious career to the next. Unbelievable. All their anti-social cronies or cronies that have no clue what they are really all about, brought them in and gave them a shiny new career. None of them missed a beat. But those of us who fought the fought, still aren’t gainfully employed. What a system! I pray that all of them get thumped on the head by God. I am praying for a miracle that they can finally feel some day with extensive therapy (bless the mental health professionals on having the patience of Job). I pray for all the new subordinates working under these folks today. They must be bouncing off the walls for being “newbies” … at the beginning of not knowing what is going on? Who they really are working for/with? Thank God for small favors that the head boss didn’t have children. My immediate boss does and I pray for those 2 children in my nightly prayers having a dad who can’t love them. My Mom and Dad loved all of us and it is the greatest foundation starting of who you eventually will be.
So, some day, if I’m pushing a shopping cart, honk your horn at that person who wouldn’t sell out. It just may be me.
Peace and all of God’s virtue to everyone. I’m taking deep, deep, deep breaths … going into the “now”.
How do I get my former marriage couselor to put something in writing as to my ex-husbands sociopathic behavior. She is the one who told me he is a Sociopath. Do I have to hire an attorney and have her supoened on my behalf? He has lied to law enforcement officials and used the judicial system to torture me. I want justice, but do not have the finances at this time.
Cheryl,
I don’t know the answer to this question. I think she would have to be called as a witness. Otherwise, it’s patient confidentiality issues, isn’t it? I am not sure.
I would hate to have to fight a S/P in court because they don’t mind lieing under oath, to their Mama, to God, to anyone. They don’t care. And they believe their own lies, I think.
Good luck.
:o)
I would just ask her for a statement about your mental health, it’s easier to go into this stuff with a strong defense. Even if you can prove he’s an S.. unfortunately, it’s not illegal to be one.
As far as the justice system goes.. I’ll give you my two cents of hard-won wisdom:
1. Document everything
2. Expect the worst from them, because you’ll probably get it
3. Don’t play fair ball, because they won’t
4. Be calm, be confident, be prepared.
Yes, I do think they believe their own lies. That’s what makes mine so scary. His reality is a lie. Even in the face of cold hard logical facts, he still stands his ground.
After reading for weeks I feel better.
I would tell anyone here to start from the beginning and read everything forward.
flyspeck-the lie thing, you’re right. You’re accused of doing things you’ve never done, saying things you never said. If she/he is thinking of having or having affair…you get accused (and smeared to others). Mirroring, projecting, gaslighting. Smear campaign…once they’ve told the lies…they believe them. Logic does not apply. Facts don’t apply. They get caught red-handed…lie…it’s your fault any way, right! Their reality and ours don’t “mesh” and they don’t care.
Glad you’re here. Sorry you felt the need. Good place to heal.