“Victims are created in two ways: by violence or by deceit. Either type of assault immediately renders the victim hostage to the perpetrator.”
So begins the book Legal Abuse Syndrome, by Karin Huffer, MS, MFT. Lovefraud strongly recommends that anyone who has been victimized by a sociopath read this book, whether you have faced your perpetrator in court or not.
The book explains how people who have suffered injury at the hands of some type of predator often face further injury inflicted by lawyers and the courts, who can be, at best, disinterested, and at worst, corrupt. Legal Abuse Syndrome, Huffer says, is a form of post traumatic stress disorder caused by prolonged contact with the so-called “justice” system.
Along the way, however, the author answers many of the questions that those of us victimized by sociopaths have asked:
If I am the victim, why do I feel guilty?
Why can’t I share my devastation with my family and friends?
How can I recover from this assault?
Conscience-centered and power-centered
Huffer does not call the perpetrators of assault, and the complicit people in the legal bureaucracy, sociopaths or psychopaths. Rather, she describes everyone as fitting somewhere on a continuum of motivation between “conscience-centered” and “power-centered.” The extreme power-centered individuals, however, are clearly sociopaths.
Huffer writes:
Trust has usually left the conscience-centered vulnerable. If deception is to work, there have to be those who trust. Convergence of power-centered and conscience-centered people, in their purest forms, will inevitably result in the conscience-centered person being victimized. It is a marriage of deathly complementary value systems upon which the power-centered thrive. They literally tend a garden of trusting relationships while perpetrating hidden agendas.
Those who value truth, honesty, and a moral and ethical code make up the majority of people. These masses are the conscience-centered who collide head-on against a slick minority of individuals, the power-centered. PC’s pull out the “big guns” of moral turpitude for power motives, regardless of damage to others or society.
Of course, everyone on Lovefraud knows exactly what the author is talking about.
Eight steps to recovery
Even more important than describing the experience of the victim—”the kidnapping of the soul”—Karin Huffer offers a path to recovery.
- Debriefing: Writing down, in a particular format, exactly what happened.
- Grieving: A natural and healing reaction to the most profound loss—a loss of trust.
- Obsession: Figuring out what happened occupies a victim’s life.
- Blaming: Guilt, rage, anger and wrong need to be directed at the offender.
- Deshaming: Victims must get rid of inappropriate shame.
- Reframing: Reframe the experience with insights that empower and affirm the self.
- Empowerment: Taking ownership of the ravaged experience.
- Recovery: Emerging from victim as a veteran, with honed wisdom, courage and tools.
Huffer’s point is that it is possible to recover from the destruction inflicted by power-centered individuals, i.e., sociopaths, and grow as an individual. It is a message of hope.
Overcoming devastation
This book’s full title is Overcoming the Devastation of Legal Abuse Syndrome. It provides case studies of people who have been defrauded by criminals, lawyers and judges, often operating in cahoots. Only one case involved a typical Lovefraud story—a deceptive husband trying to cut his wife out of the marital assets. And it does offer advice for people who are in litigation with predators.
But I think the book could be called Overcoming the Devastation of a Sociopath. From cover to cover, it is filled with insight into what we have experienced, and how to come to terms with it. It is invaluable help for anyone who, after gross deception and injustice, trying to recover a sense of self.
Buy the book in the Lovefraud Store.
Hi Henry. I figured out recently that so much of my life of chaos and pain goes back to the guy I married at age 18. That was quite awhile ago. I don’t know all the answers as to why I have the pattern, but I think it might have something to do with a family tragedy that pulled my parents attention away from me when I was a tot. I didn’t endure what you did in your family, but I got “trained” to hope for love from people who were distant. And isn’t that a description of an S/P? Distant. Unavailable. But we keep trying to please them and win them over.
You have helped me understand some things. I so appreciate your sharing and caring heart.
henry: Re: I so relate with that word – Haunted
My response, I am Haunted and moving to Antarctica.
Is Opn: He will manipulate anyone at any time. The doc (if there really is one) will feel compelled to defend his actions, because he won’t want to believe that he’s dealing with a scumbag who conned him.
Change your number. If anyone needs to reach you on his behalf, it should be someone with accountability, through a lawyer or something.
Today I snagged a 7-day trial membership at a gym and spent time bonding with a treadmill that had a TV screen built in. Guess what was on MSNBC? The story of the BTK killer, complete with video of interviews with psychologists, courtroom testimony, etc. He is so calm, composed, credible. He talks about “bonding” with the cops who arrested him because they were “colleagues.” I know, from the story that the cops were playing him at that point. But if BTK had gone to an ER for treatment from an injury he got while killing someone, I’ll just bet he could have charmed the hospital and ER doc into treating him for PTSD, if he had tried!
Hey Rune – Thank you – just sharing our thoughts and experiences and finding others who relate and understand is liberating in it’s self. Yes my childhood was a mess and I am sure all the crap I am dealing with now is because of the s-p-n’s that raised me to be so dysfunctional. I had put that too rest about 5 years ago simply because it was just to much to deal with. I divorced myself from all my childhood haunt’s. But I guess my patterns didnt change. What screws with my mind is, I was already a mess before this person came into my life. I shared some of my past with him and he was comforting and said he had a dysfunctional childhood as well and we both thot that together we could make a good life. Well he was lying and decieving and manipulating me, and using me for a roof over his head and I was thinking FINALLY I have found YOU..but i felt in my heart he was lying and in some ways I held back – I never trusted his intentions – mostly because of the circumstance that brought him into my life, it wasnt romance and dating and never was there butterflys and all the things people do when they fall in love – he simply tripped and fell in my lap and became my responsibility. He always said he wished we had met under different circumstances. Well? Why doesnt he change those circumstances? If I thought I had done him wrong Iwould move mountains to make amends and get him back in my life. He just simply tripped again and moved on to the next—HAUNTED by an IMPOSTER is the best way i can describe it.. and Rune I appreiate you very much as well..
Rune: This new situation “may” be very well viable.
But with the issues of run ins with the locals and having “things” to get done before March as ordered to, (s told me) The timing is just so there, to distract what S was supposed to be doing and didn’t do, cause there was something else going on, and was not able to do it.
You know every weekend for about 4 weeks now, it has been something. I have not answered any communication. I feel send it in a letter, or tell it to the judge, it is out of my hands, I paid an attorney well, and I am done.
Re: The movie was called “The Stepfather.”
I am going to check to see if that is around in my old video store.
Is Opn – Antartica???? brrrr it cold there…have you seen the movie ‘march of the penquins’? narrated by morgan freeman…I love that movie – i will confess – during the first few months after he discarded and devalued me – I would put that movie on at nite when I went to bed and Morgan Freeman’s voice helped me fall too sleep – I didnt know what do so I just pulled the covers over my head and listened to morgan and the music of March with the Penguins – btw I am much better now~~!!
Is Opn: I’m assuming he is “calling in sick to work,” and “the dog ate his homework.”
Henry: I just got a visual of our situation. Look at us sweet, funnym, cute penguins all waddling around in our cute outfits, and a “landshark” dressed up to look like us, pretend-waddling in our midst. I don’t mean to give you nightmares, but isn’t that kind of like the truth? Like they are a different species pretending to be like us?
Oh me, oh my. I think we should move to Arkansas before Antarctica. We could try something a little warmer before we move THAT far south!
henry: Re: Is Opn – Antartica???? brrrr it cold there”have you seen the movie ’march of the penquins’
Yes Antarctica, my soul was frozen by all this stuff, and has thawed. I could take the cold of the natural environment after the chilling my soul. I used to like scary movies alot, but now after looking back at this situation, scary movies aren’t scary anymore. I lost my scaryness, I lived it.
March of the Penquins, thanks Henry I will look into that too. My video and book collection list is growing as well as the wardrobe of tutus, felt hats, hipwaders, and duct tape.
I forgot to mention about the duct tape door, I open it with a butter knife in the crack to pry it open. Is opn. LOL
yes a different species for sure – and we help refine them and they learn how to be better at pretending to be real people and use what they learned from our good and loving ways to decieve the next waddling penquin