“Victims are created in two ways: by violence or by deceit. Either type of assault immediately renders the victim hostage to the perpetrator.”
So begins the book Legal Abuse Syndrome, by Karin Huffer, MS, MFT. Lovefraud strongly recommends that anyone who has been victimized by a sociopath read this book, whether you have faced your perpetrator in court or not.
The book explains how people who have suffered injury at the hands of some type of predator often face further injury inflicted by lawyers and the courts, who can be, at best, disinterested, and at worst, corrupt. Legal Abuse Syndrome, Huffer says, is a form of post traumatic stress disorder caused by prolonged contact with the so-called “justice” system.
Along the way, however, the author answers many of the questions that those of us victimized by sociopaths have asked:
If I am the victim, why do I feel guilty?
Why can’t I share my devastation with my family and friends?
How can I recover from this assault?
Conscience-centered and power-centered
Huffer does not call the perpetrators of assault, and the complicit people in the legal bureaucracy, sociopaths or psychopaths. Rather, she describes everyone as fitting somewhere on a continuum of motivation between “conscience-centered” and “power-centered.” The extreme power-centered individuals, however, are clearly sociopaths.
Huffer writes:
Trust has usually left the conscience-centered vulnerable. If deception is to work, there have to be those who trust. Convergence of power-centered and conscience-centered people, in their purest forms, will inevitably result in the conscience-centered person being victimized. It is a marriage of deathly complementary value systems upon which the power-centered thrive. They literally tend a garden of trusting relationships while perpetrating hidden agendas.
Those who value truth, honesty, and a moral and ethical code make up the majority of people. These masses are the conscience-centered who collide head-on against a slick minority of individuals, the power-centered. PC’s pull out the “big guns” of moral turpitude for power motives, regardless of damage to others or society.
Of course, everyone on Lovefraud knows exactly what the author is talking about.
Eight steps to recovery
Even more important than describing the experience of the victim—”the kidnapping of the soul”—Karin Huffer offers a path to recovery.
- Debriefing: Writing down, in a particular format, exactly what happened.
- Grieving: A natural and healing reaction to the most profound loss—a loss of trust.
- Obsession: Figuring out what happened occupies a victim’s life.
- Blaming: Guilt, rage, anger and wrong need to be directed at the offender.
- Deshaming: Victims must get rid of inappropriate shame.
- Reframing: Reframe the experience with insights that empower and affirm the self.
- Empowerment: Taking ownership of the ravaged experience.
- Recovery: Emerging from victim as a veteran, with honed wisdom, courage and tools.
Huffer’s point is that it is possible to recover from the destruction inflicted by power-centered individuals, i.e., sociopaths, and grow as an individual. It is a message of hope.
Overcoming devastation
This book’s full title is Overcoming the Devastation of Legal Abuse Syndrome. It provides case studies of people who have been defrauded by criminals, lawyers and judges, often operating in cahoots. Only one case involved a typical Lovefraud story—a deceptive husband trying to cut his wife out of the marital assets. And it does offer advice for people who are in litigation with predators.
But I think the book could be called Overcoming the Devastation of a Sociopath. From cover to cover, it is filled with insight into what we have experienced, and how to come to terms with it. It is invaluable help for anyone who, after gross deception and injustice, trying to recover a sense of self.
Buy the book in the Lovefraud Store.
Rune
Don’t forget frosted cookies. And on a challenging day, reach for the pre-twisted knickers!
Is opn
Rune: I’m assuming he is “calling in sick to work,” and “the dog ate his homework.”
Unemployed, being a seasonal worker, it is winter. Benefits include extra for dependents. How accomodating. Had to spend dependent benefits, like always, something came up a pattern for years. This is not the first of this something came up.
Re: I think we should move to Arkansas before Antarctica.
I have been there briefly passing through. I think there is a Wall Drug, tourist place if I am not mistaken. Ok, ARkansas it is, better for dancing in Tutu’s, won’t freeze and no need for fake fur lined parkas.
Rune
Is: I’ll meet you at the Wall Drug. Shall I wear a tutu or a penguin suit?
hens
They say when in Arkansas beware of the ole hag on a jackass that carries a cast iron skillit and strums it like a banjo~~!!
Ox Drover
Dear Henry,
I’v ehad some thoughts rattling around in my head about why the PATTERNS of involvement with these people, same arse-holes, different faces?
I think each of us has gotten through the grief response after each one, but we haven’t really done any CHANGING of our patterns.
Your life as a child was HELL, mine, I thought was “okay” but I had tried to “make it okay” and “rewrite it” in my head to OK. Each time I had a P-association of one sort or another I would “get over” the grief and whatever damage they did to me, but I never fixed the ME that was “injured” as a child, the ME that a predator could see from a mile away was an easier prey….now, I think I am working on fixing that earlier, injured ME that made me vulnerable to the Ps, that made them pick me (or me stand up and wave and scream “Here I am PICK ME, PULEEEEZE”
Learning to set boundaries and not be fearful or guilty I think is the first step I made in changing the ME that was a victim, I am NO LONGER THAT ME! I can set the boundaries, make the rules that I will tolerate and not tolerate and it is OK if you don’t like them (that’s the “Universal you”) you can hit the road, Jack!
BTW we are having our ANNUAL SNOWTIRE AND DAFFODIL FESTIVAL here now, the flowers are blooming and it is SNOWING! One little town got 12 inches of snow (a lot for this state) but we only got a dusting here, but it is 29 and falling outside. Brrrrrrr! Just can’t wait for JULY! NOT!!!! At least we always have some form of weather to complain about! Too hot, too cold, too humid, too windy, heck, I can find all kinds of things to grouse about! Where’s my skillet!?
Ox Drover
Henry!!!! We were posting at the same time! You dog! How did you know I put guitar pegs and strings on my skillet, I was wanting to suprise you! LOL ROTFLMAO
Old Hag! That does it, our engagement is off! I haven’t been called that name in a while, in fact, this morning by chance! The boys were griping cause I wouldn’t let them make fun of the way I looked when I got up this morning! LOL I can’t help it if someone puts my finger in a light socket while I sleep and I look like a USED Q-TIP IN THE MORNINGS, my late husband used to think it was CUTE! It’s almost as much fun for my family to watch me waddle in to get my first cup of coffee as it is to watch a baby lamb trying to get up for the first time. I have about that much balance and grace—NONE!!! LOL
Rune
Oxy: I’ll bet Henry just wanted to get your goat. Perhaps both of them!
hens
ROTFLMAO Oxy – I was hoping you were in bed – now I did not say OLD hag I said OLE hag – and beside’s you broke off our engagment months ago – I think you have eyes on that young cowboy hired hand anyhow….Yes OXY what you described about not changing our patterns is this [we lacked confidence] and we are gaining confidence now all on our own, not looking for it from someone else, but looking at our whole lives and seeing we were abused – I have two very confident son’s – I instilled that in them when I was not so sure of my own confidence…
Is opn
I see why NC is so very important to heal and rid your mind of the S. The S’s try to bring you back to that world of zombies just by reading a text, and then you are looking into another world, a world of that mind, that you have been trying to move on and heal from.
I have had so many dreams this past week. It is as if it has been a non stop night of dreams every day. A good thing I guess. I do not remember ever dreaming so much and consistently every night this past week.
Years ago when I went for marriage counselling for couples, and went alone, (set up and agreed by the S and S was going to go) the Dr, chief of staff asked me after a few sessions if I dream. At the time I never could recall having a dream during that time. I asked why? He said if you dream you are not depressed. He said in a state of depression you never dream. Humm.
Maybe the fog is gone. Reality.
I like the laughing dreams I have had lately. I can’t remember the dream or what it was about, but I felt as if I laughed all night long and had a good next day, all day.
Is opn
Rune: Wear the tutu and bring the penguin suit as a change of clothing. The weather may change and need to be prepared.