Lovefraud first heard from Liz Cole, author of Perfect Prey—Surviving a Cyber Shark’s Romantic Fraud, back in 2007, shortly after she realized that the guy she met on the Internet was a sociopath.
The guy called himself John Hill, although that wasn’t his real name. Liz wrote:
In my case, John presented himself as:
an Irish born gentleman,
well groomed,
graduate degreed,
retired from the Royal Marines where he performed his tour of duty in the Falkland Islands,
a dutiful and tireless single parent to one daughter, aged 25 completing Medical School in Dublin,
an accomplished chef and restaurateur,
an accomplished sailor,
multi-lingual,
affectionate,
old-school about etiquette,
strong work ethic and,
a family background rich in details complete with family tartan (Montgomery Clan), brogues, Prince Albert jacket etc.
Hill’s presentation, Liz learned, was highly exaggerated. In fact, as often happens with sociopaths, it was a mountain of lies.
Liz, however, was vulnerable. Her husband had recently decided that he wanted a new life, abandoning her and their two daughters. So when Hill rolled into her life, promising love and riches, well, Liz listened.
It was a typical sociopathic whirlwind romance. But things never quite added up, and Hill never quite came through with his promises. Then, while Liz and her whole family waited for him to show up for Easter dinner, he disappeared.
Liz went on the warpath to find out who he really was and what he was doing. It turned out that John Hill had a long history of fraud. Liz got the police to go after him. Better yet, she busted him with a sting on Canadian television.
In Perfect Prey, Liz tells her story. Much of the book is written as a real time journal as the events unfolded, complete with sassy commentary. The book offers a good look at how one of life’s blows can make us susceptible to another, how sociopaths pull off the larger-than-life act, and how it is sometimes possible for victims to turn the tables.
Perfect Prey—Surviving a Cyber Shark’s Romantic Fraud, is available from the Chapters, Canada’s online bookstore.
Wile it does give me some satisfaction when one of these creeps is turned out into the clear light of day and the victim is able to expose their fraud to the nation/world, I think, unfortunately, that the reason such an event as a victim really getting justice is newsworthy too much because of its RARITY.
I applaud this woman if for nothing else, than for having the strength left to go after this man. After being dumped by her husband and then having the rug jerked out from under her by the “new and perfect lover”—this woman’s reaction speaks volumes to what strength the human soul and spirt has the capacity for. Sounds like a good read. Thanks Donna.
Yes.. I would like to read this book… and they disappear when they realize that they are going to be exposed or revealed..
They back away when confronted with friends and family…
Mine was living with me, at least, on the weekends.. because he traveled during the week.. I had gone home for a visit and I told him that my father asked where he lived.. and that I didn’t tell him that he lived with and it was embarrassing for me.. and I had taken down photos of us and moved others around. And, of course, with his keen observing for his benefit, he noticed.. then the next weekend when he was on his way in..I was praying that something would happen that would stop him… and when he came in, he told me that he was movign out and leaving for Fla on Sunday.. he did the shock deal to me and it did shock me.. so much that I didn’t I flipped into not wanting him to go.. and the way that he did it caused us to stay together another few months which is I am sure what how he planned it..
I recall him saying that all the other women in his life wanted him back once he left and he was done with them and he chuckled…. he plays it that way.. he is a real manipulator.. and when he left he told me that there wasn’t anyone else and I asked why would you say that.. his reply, ” I know how you think.” Pretty obvious… huh?
Umm… pretty telling, huh…h
Yes, as 2 Peter 2 says,
they prey on those who are vulnerable.
Mine found me on Myspace after a recent breakup.
I don’t believe I stated that I was broken-up, but I had some song lyrics in my blog.
He went after OW during her Divorce proceedings.
I just had an Epiphany!
I know that not all of us here are religious, but many of us are.
Yesterday I wondered whether many of you found “God” after the sociopath.
I was a Christian before I met mine.
It just occured to me, and I would like to here your input and opinions; that our religious nature, our compassion and open-minded aceptance of people who were “less than” or otherwise needy, made us a superb target.
I am not going to stop having compassion on all, and trying to see the good in everyone, but I WILL be careful.
I will not be afraid to meet people because it’s not meeting the S/P that hurts you, it’s meeting them and not investigating first, before becoming emotionally entangled that hurts us (caught in the web).
Actually, I believe I recently befriended a male who has helped me through some of my dealings with my S/P, and once I started seeing similarities I cut him off. COMPLETELY.
No looking back.
It feels great to see how much I have grown. A year ago, I would have been upset that I hurt HIS feelings.
I am now my priority : )
Towanda to you all!
Oh, yes, the “i’m gonna leave” ploy, that is Psychopath’s Play Book,” page 74, paragraph 4:
Keep them off balance
SUDDENLY Pretend you are going to leave, so that they will immediately move into the “please don’t leave me mode” which gives YOU ultimate control over them.
This ploy can be used at random, just to keep them off balance, and also oworks well when you have been caught in a lie (through no fault of your own of course) It can also be used with the Pity Ploy and tears routine as well.
If caught in a lie, get tears in your eyes and say, “Oh, I guess I just as well leave, yuou will never trust me again, and I know I have ruined it for us.”
At that point the victim will “forgive” you and say “Oh, No, please stay, we can work it out.”
The last sentence signifies thatyou have won that round and that they can never be allowed to mention that lie again. (even if you repeatedly get caught again) After all, you “said you were sorry.”
Dear Banana,
TOWANDA For you GF!!!!
The Ps can “be so nice” and “supportive” but there is ALWAYS a hook. It is normal to bond with people who help and support and validate us, but at the same time, we need to be cautious and careful with “bonding” with anyone unless we have observed them for quite some time.
Believe me there are GOOD FAKES out there who pretend at least on the surface to be “kind and considerate” and “wonderful” people. at least on the surface, but beind cautious about emotional connections and not falling for the “instant” love and bonding taht the Ps hold out for many many times, and hook us before we catch on.
The “instant bonding” itself can be a HUGE RED FLAG, as normal people do not behave this way very often.
It is like the con man holding out the gold plated lead bar and saying “Lookk here, you can be rich” and we see what appears like gold, but if we fall for it, we are being taken.
There is a bit of “greed” in anyone who falls for a con like that—and I admit I was “greedy” and “needy” for another wonderful relationshp with a loving man after my husband died. so though th eP BF was holding out a gilded bar of lead, I WANTED it to be “gold” so badly I didn’t stratch the surface very deeply.
In the future, I won’t get quite so greedy and needy if someone appears to hold out a gold bar. Next time it will go to the assay office for a full check of its content! LOL Well before I invest in it!
* funny you should said that, Oxy. After I left my x this guy friend of mine that is so kind to me gave me a VERY large diamond ring….and after all I’ve been thru the very first thing I did was take it to my jeweler to see if it was real….ahahahaaaaa!
BTW [it is] 😉
Dear Twice,
Once burned, twice shy! If a cat jumps onto a hot stove, it will never get on any stove again, we should be so smart!
The only men who ever gave me diamons were my husbands, I was odd, in that I would nver take any gifts of “value” from anyone I wasn’t engaged or married to. I guess just my Emily Post “raisin’ ” funny thing, though, my egg donor tried so hard to BUY me with “gifts”—and my P-X-BF did the same, but in the meantime I had learned that when you accept costly “gifts” from people, it leaves you ‘beholden” to them and I’m too independent for that.
That is also an OLD Scots-Irish tradition to not accept FAVORS of any kind from someone not a TRUSTED friend, or family member—you can DO favors for others, but ACCEPT no favors so you don’t end up in “someone’s debt”—-
With the Scots irish, you can tell when they start to think of you as a trusted friend, they will ask a favor of you. With other groups when they start to ask favors, it is because they are out to con you! LOL So, cultural awareness (your own as well as others) is important. I was grown before I realized about the “being beholden” or in “someone’s debt” for favors. Interesting concept, but was also why i would GIVE to others but never expect for myself. (take) Now I am much more careful who I give to, and continue to be careful who I ACCEPT things from as well.
I have found that a lot of the men on the different dating web sites, tend to be sociopaths. After writing and just saying hi, they proclaim their undying love for you. I find that if they call me honey, babe, dear or anything similar, in the first couple of e-mails, run for the hills. My ex found a women he went to HS with on facebook. We were not even broken up yet and he was hitting on her. They had not talked to each other in 40 yrs, and 3 weeks after we broke up, mostly because of her, mostly because of my gut feeling, they are engaged. She had a thing for him in HS, and he jumped on the band wagon. The sad thing is, her last husband killed himself right in front of her with drugs and alcohol, my ex is addicted to prescription drugs. It’s sad that he pulled out a BIG bottle of Serequel, 200mg each and proceed to tell me how he was saving them to kill himself. What kind of thing is that to tell someone you profess to love? And we were planning on marriage?