Two young girls adopted by a loving British couple took after their criminal biological mother. For the adoptive parents, it was a disaster.
Read When Cherry adopted these ‘angelic’ sisters she thought a loving home would heal the wounds of their troubled past. how terrifyingly wrong she was, on DailyMail.co.uk.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
skylar
Louise,
I’m sorry you aren’t getting help from your therapist.
Don’t waste your money if he doesn’t get you.
Time is a healer and you’re going to get there. Work on being the best you that you can be. Accept the pain and know that it makes you a stronger person. Most lessons in life include some pain in order for us to grow. Life is hard work, but we can still enjoy it.
((hugs))
Truthspeak
Louise, I’m sorry that you’ve spent all of that only to discover that the therapist isn’t helping. How did you find this counselor? Did he come recommended by someone who had sociopathic experiences?
When I had my violent meltdown, I called the local domestic violence hotline for recommendations on counseling therapists. I also had to contact the insurance company to get THEIR “approved” list. Luckily, I contacted a counselor who really “gets it.” I had probably 14 sessions with her, and she was no-nonsense, didn’t mince words, and didn’t fool around. I was in distress, she recognized this, and she gave me some very, very good counseling. Right now, I need the sessions, badly, but I have to muddle through with the tools that she gave me for now.
And, Louise, it might be a good idea to keep in mind that specific “techniques” are not typically effective (like EFP, etc.). The true healing has to come in stages, I think, and a good strong counselor is not going to go off on a tangent with a client who is in distress. They’re going to get down to the brass tacks, and provide the necessary tools, mantras (feelings are not facts), and encouragement to get us onto our individual healing paths.
Brightest blessings to you.
Alwayshope
I think what makes having a child spath twice as difficult, is as the parent, you are responsible for them. You can’t really just “walk away”. Or if you do end up having to put them in residential treatment or foster care, YOU are the one who is vilified. My adopted son was diagnosed as a probable (of course after 18) sociopath when he was 13. It was like getting a diagnosis of terminal cancer for me. The floor dropped out. All of the attention, help, ect. would be fruitless. He ended up in juvenile detention (after a life time of theft ect) attempted a sexual assualt on my step daughter and ADMITTED to me that he told her to run and tell, because he hoped it would break up my husband and me. from detention to residential treament for a year- where he excelled. Back home to foster care with my brother and sister in law, who thought it was my poor parenting with him, so they secretly became licensed for foster care in order to care for him. It lasted 8 months until little darlin ended up in juvenile detention again and poor bro and sis in law will NEVER allow him in their home again (bwah hahahaha). From detention, to a foster home, where he stole their car and totalled it 2 times, finally he ran away, did a series of thefts , break ins, stole another car to live in..ended up with 9 felonies at 16. Went to ADULT jail for almost a year. Unbelieveably I allowed him to return home after jail -the boy had 5 people in the “helping” professions monitoring him, but even that was not enough. After 3 months of he ended up breaking probation (CONSTANTLY) and got picked up and sent to ADULT PRISON at 17, where he has remained. I still do visit every few months and write to him…I still some $ in the commisary for him. Why? Because he has literally nobody- except his gang friends in prison. He has been charged with a brutal beating – so much that it is being handled in that county court system- and has been in the “hole”- solitary since Thanksgiving. He is 18 years old.
He is one of the most engaging people you could meet- warm, empathetic, expresses hope and encouragement. He is physically beautiful- could easily be a model. He is bright, an amazing poet and dancer. Despite having been given EVERY advantage, he cannot overcome his genetics. As for me, I know that some day I will need to break all contact- my mom guilt still exists and needs to be fed now and then. I raise his siblings and see what I give them, and it is just hard to say he doesn’t matter. I think this is the piece of things that differs when parenting a P, verses dating or having been married to one. That walking away part is just seen as WRONG by all of society. I have a few close friends that know his story, and supported me when I needed for him to be out of the house at 13. I even terminated my parental rights to him so that he could NOT return home- because the goal of every program is to return the child home. He was 5 when we adopted him and the next 8 years were pretty much hellish, but I did and do love him still. That’s a mama for you- we can love the tree in the front yard. Someday I know I will need to make the break real. But in the meantime, I will read this blog EVERY week and work up my courage from the stories you share.
Truthspeak
Alwayshope, I will not engage in any supportive role for my eldest son who has been properly diagnosed. I love the beautiful infant that he was, but I will not waste my love on the Thing that he is, now.
As a parent of an adult spath, I completely identify the “shame” that is projected onto parents when a child has turned out to be the antithesis of everything that we had hope for and instilled in them. Was it being raised in an environment of domestic violence that caused it? Was it my own abusive treatment of him that caused it? Was it his father’s threats of murder/suicide that did it? Was it some genetic predisposition for violence that was responsible?
None of the questions above will ever be answered. The only thing that I can say with any authority is that I cannot expose myself to my son’s sociopathy – at all – on any level.
Most comforting blessings to you.
umami_mommy
honestly, this sounds like reactive attachment disorder, not sociopathy.
skylar
umami
you’re right
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reaction_formation
everything is backwards
darwinsmom
Sounds to me like the theory of reaction formation is an explanation of abnormal behaviour while assuming that deep down that callous person must be normal if you dig deep enough. I don’t buy that anymore.
Louise
Sarah999:
You are so right! We are the winners and they are the losers. That’s why they need us to feed from. Thank you!
Louise
skylar:
Thank you sweetie…HUGS.
Louise
Truthspeak:
Thanks for your post. I am so happy to hear you found someone who helped you.
I found this guy when I Googled therapists in my area. He was listed through Psychology Today. I chose him because he is listed to be experienced in dealing with PTSD. He deals with a lot of policemen, firefighters, etc.