Two young girls adopted by a loving British couple took after their criminal biological mother. For the adoptive parents, it was a disaster.
Read When Cherry adopted these ‘angelic’ sisters she thought a loving home would heal the wounds of their troubled past. how terrifyingly wrong she was, on DailyMail.co.uk.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
skylar:
Thanks for the link on reactive attachment disorder. Hmmm, makes me wonder though…spath always spoke of disdain for the OW…makes me wonder if he really liked her and was trying to drown out those feelings…BLAH.
i am sure that there is a lot of overlap in reactive attachment disorder and sociopathy. the child with RAD doesn’t know how to connect with other humans and so lacks compassion and empathy. however, her anger and violent lashing out means she is hurting and in pain from not connecting. sociopaths can be violent but in a different way. it’s not about pain, it’s about something else entirely. since this little girl was adopted, i would guess she is suffering from RAD like many children who were adopted from the eastern block in the 90s and early 2000s. the really sad thing is, if it’s not treated early, it’s nearly impossible to treat and so the person ends up a lot like someone with sociopathy. they are just much more unhappy. since they actually have feelings. (as a former addictions counselor and married to a sociopath for 9 years, i can tell you there is a marked and profound difference between these two types of people)
PS, reaction formation is not the same thing as reactive attachment disorder. one is an assumed defense mechanism in psychoanalytic theory and one is a disorder of childhood that comes from not having your emotional needs met as a baby.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_attachment_disorder
Louise, my dear heart. Many of the people who are in public service fit the profile of spaths….
I had an incredible referral when I called the DV hotline and spoke to the “intake” person. The woman who took my call was familiar with what I was describing and pointed me in the best direction. And, these people who man the DV Hotline phones get extensive training and have outstanding resources available.
Best and brightest blessings to you, Louise – you’ll find the therapist that’s the best fit for you. I’m just so sorry that it took that much time and money to rule that fellow out.
To clarify my response, above: I typed, “many,” not “every.” Just wanted to clarify that before I started a sh*tstorm of outrage! 😀
umami,
I assume you’re talking about the girl from the article? It’s not a “girl” anymore but an adult now doing time for keeping someone imprisoned and torture and setting the tortured victim to flames. Sounds like a spath to me.
umami mommy, yes…RAD was definitely the dx we chased down therapeutically for years, and yes they can look alike. If anything PTSD would fit better for him…but in the end, I do believe the Antisocial Personality Disorder prediction. We got NOWHERE, ever with any RAD therapies, despite going to the best of the best in our area, and trying several therapists over the years. Certainly one or both of his birthparents had deep psych issues…In the end, the difference will be how long I will allow him to slay me with his manipulation…He easily expresses his love for me and will not ever disrespect me to my face (which most RAD kids don’t do..mom is almost always the target of their anger) With my son, his violence is psychological. He is cunning and calculated. He WILL get his way, at any cost, and to him, I am his patsy. Ultimately in his 3 psych evals he’s had over the past 3 years, he is shown to have NO self love..none…which of course all us helping types want to change, but in the end, it the consistent dx of Antisocial Personality Disorder is slapping me in the face.
Truthspeak:
Thanks for your post.
What I meant was that his clients are policemen and firemen, war veterans, etc. because of the trauma they have seen…dead bodies, etc. But, I do know what you mean…without a doubt…a lot (not all of course) of people in public service are spaths. It’s the power that gets to them.
I know…SIGH. I know it sounds self defeating, but I am not seeking out therapy anymore. I just don’t think it will help me.
I hope you are having a good day!
Umami ~ Thanks so much for bringing up RAD and Sky for posting a link.
Alwayshope, yes, usually it is the mom who takes the blunt of the anger/hostility with RAD kids. They are also, as I’m sure you know, famous for pitting one parent against the other. They do such a good job at this that very often, as in this story, the adoptive parents end up in divorce.
The worst of the worst of RAD kids have NEVER bonded, with anyone.
I became very interested in RAD many years ago when I had a 4 year old foster child who was eventually diagnosed with “brain damage due to lack of bonding”. RAD was not used as a diagnosis back then. Understand, when you are dealing with children like the girl mentioned in this article, it is so far beyond what most can even imagine or believe, for that matter.
Umami, I agree with your statement about the overlap in Reactive Attachment Disorder and sociopathy, and I must admit I am very confused as to where one might connect to the other. It only makes sense that if a parent is a sociopath, they may not bond with their child, thus creating RAD in that child. It is almost like the chicken and the egg.
I also STRONGLY AGREE, from my experience, “there is a marked and profound difference between these two types of people.”
May I recommend “Healing Parents – Helping Wounded Children Learn to Trust & Love” by Michael Orlans and Terry M. Levy, to anyone who is interested in more information on RAD. I think it is excellent.
Louise, I’m sorry that you are feeling defeated, right now. I think that we tend to place our trust in the professionals to be educated about EVERY aspect of their profession, and when they aren’t, we tend to lose confidence in their expertise, as a whole.
When I was dealing with the spath son’s antics, and all of the rot that went along before that (female ex-con, spath business partner, and so forth), I had a counselor who heard my words, but really didn’t offer much help. She only saw me for the required number of visits and then cut me loose saying, “Well, that’s it for our sessions.” What did she mean by that??? That’s IT?!
I firmly believe that a more astute therapist would have quickly picked up on my own personal traits and helped me to identify a number of my own issues that were directly related to being targeted by all of these spaths, including my own spouse! Sure, I might have remained in denial about the spouse for a good while longer, but the door might have been opened a lot sooner.
Don’t give up on counseling just yet, Louise. Sure, take a break from it for a while, but don’t write it off entirely. Not just yet.
Hugs and brightest blessings