Recently Lovefraud heard from a woman whom we’ll call Trina. Trina was involved with a sociopath for five years, who abandoned her eight months ago, after wrecking her financially and emotionally. Still, she continued to be in shock, denial and disbelief—until the guy sent her the following poem:
Catch and Release
Before I pull your hair and leave you for dead
I will ravish you
not physically, but with words sensuous and firm
with sibilance rolling off my chameleon tongue
and metaphors byzantine and allusive pitched
to that intimate space between your ears.
I will watch you wriggle with denial,
claw with anger, bargain for release,
splash like a drowning animal in hopelessness.
And when I observe the contour of your acceptance,
the precise moment your will bends pliantly to mine
I will release you.
Game over.
Trina was horrified, and when she communicated this to the guy, he denied that the poem was at all autobiographical. He said she needed to “lighten up;” she was too “up tight;” he’d just taken a line from a TV show and embellished it. Here’s how he explained it to Trina:
“I thought that was a great opening line and I twisted it a bit, threw in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief as I played on the word ‘dead’ and created a poem, role playing the braggart and using a line that fishermen do when they fish for fun and not food.”
“This man knows he drove me to the point of near suicide,” Trina says, “and rather than feeling badly for it, he actually taunts me, to this day.”
When there is no reason
Many sociopaths are parasites, manipulating people into giving them money, food, sex, a place to live—whatever. But some sociopaths, who may actually hold down a job and have their own resources, manipulate people, even torment them, just for the fun of it.
There are sociopaths who break women’s hearts just to watch them fall apart. There are sociopaths who commit crimes just to prove they can get away with it. There are sociopaths who disrupt workplaces for their own amusement. These people simply want to be puppet masters, pulling strings and watching everyone else jump.
This is probably the most difficult type of sociopathic behavior to comprehend. Many of us have spent hours, days, weeks, even years trying to figure out why a sociopath acted the way he or she did. Sometimes there is no reason other than the sociopath found the situation he or she created to be entertaining.
So how do we come to grips with this? How do normal people, who try to be considerate and cooperative, understand this behavior?
We can’t. These sociopaths are totally twisted. It’s just the way they are.
Wow!
I’ve been a long time reader but this is the first time I really felt compelled to comment. This is so creepy.
I struggle with my own story. I’m fortunate that there was no physical abuse, just financial and emotional abuse. I’ve been in denial & disbelief for a little more than 6 months.
I read this creepy poem and realize how incredibly lucky I am.
That is the exact same excuse my s/p/n used when I questioned him about what he had just said (a mean, derogatory remark),”Oh, I didn’t mean it that way” “It was just a line in a TV show that I was repeating”.
I think it’s very good therapy to read that poem, particularly if you were raised to think that people are basically well intentioned.
It’s smart to consider the possibility that a person you’re in conflict with is simply not negotiating in good faith. It can save a lot of confusion. Maybe it can even save pain.
AMEN. AMEN. AMEN
The narcissiopath I was involved with could have written that. He certainly lived it. Totally.
and they DO steal lines from tvs, from movies, etc. because they steal anything they like and want. But they DO mean it.
My response when I finally got that he was doing EXACTLY what this poem states was to be anger filled of course, to feel ashamed, to feel stupid, to want revenge.
In the end I settled for letting him know I knew it was a game, and that my friends knew it was a game, that multiple copies of his emails were stored with various friends, that my deputy friends know his number and to stay away. I also warned women he was targeting and a few other things he doesn’t know about it. But basically I tried to contain him for the sake of others, the best I could, and I threatened him to make perfectly clear that if he ever comes anywhere near me again he will get harmed, greatly. And he will. I am woman, hear me roar! (for those old enough to remember that). Or “these boots are made for walking”…that works too!
See? Proof positive by Trina’s brave submission of the “poem” and the humanoids’ response to her righteous indignation that scum sucking, bottom feeding predators deserve NOTHING but our contempt, loathing, purest disgust due to their calculating, manipulative, evil machinations.
They are totally aware of the cruelty, flat out spite and childish revenge fantasies, the all encompassing MEANNESS of themselves and they don’t give a flying flip. Not one ounce of remorse, guilt or shame.
I curl my lip with derision in their direction as that’s the only emotional response these fiends will ever get from me now and in the future.
No contact indefinitely.
Peace for you Trina. May you heal and realize how wonderful you really are and that you most certainly deserve better than the pain and sorrow you received from parasite.
Ha! If I could write back to that guy, I’d say But beware….the game is not so fun if you hook a shark. Or your pole snaps and hits you in the face. Or you get pulled into the water face first. Or the bank gives out. Or a flash flood comes through. Or you’re fishing without a license and it’s a sting. Or while you are busy fishing and laughing your ass off, a mountain lion is thinking “hmmm, now…..or when he turns around???” Because honey, you ain’t as hot as you think you are….Your mistake was releasing me. Game is over indeed….and you’ve already lost and don’t know it.
Okay, okay…sinking to his level, but in fantasy it can be a release of another sort !
Seriously, the best defense is to know who you are, what you stand for, what you won’t stand for, and to not be afraid to draw your lines in the sand.
The more firmly you believe in yourself and your values and have your head on straight about what love really is, what integrity is, what matters in the world, the harder it is to get caught. Not impossible. The waters can turn murky. But best to only swim in crystal clear waters with other good, strong swimmers full of joy.
Trina, better days are ahead. I should mention that in the farewell note I told him he just happened to hit me at a low point and that he was not NEARLY as good at manipulating as he thought and that if I met him today, I would burst out laughing at his lines. And that I had faked every orgasm I ever had with him (which happened to be true), and that he was the worst excuse for a lover I’d ever had the misfortune to be with (which also happened to be true). My pride rose up and said DAMN IT. He is not going to be left with one single good memory of me if I can help it. 🙂
It was just what I had to do to feel good about myself. I didn’t care really what the impact was on him, because they take very single thing you say and do and turn it into a win for them, because THEIR BRAINS DON’T WORK RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jane – Will you compose a birthday card for my X for me?
I will dedicate a song to psychopaths everywhere:
http://www.rhapsody.com/helen-reddy/feel-so-young/aint-no-way-to-treat-a-lady/lyrics.html
See if you don’t think it is perfect?
As I mentioned in another thread, this so hits home for me. And justabouthealed, I also (7 weeks ago) told the S what I think-told him to read “The Sociopath Next Door” as it could have been written about him. I really do feel that he, like the guy who wrote this poem, gets some sort of rush from the cruelty of the D&D.
As I told my therapist last week, although I have been so tempted to “warn” people such as his boss; his new victim etc. it seems he has done a very good job of imploding without my help. He lost his best friend in me AND he was about to lose his job–he had to scramble to find a new job a hour and a half away before he was fired.