Recently Lovefraud heard from a woman whom we’ll call Trina. Trina was involved with a sociopath for five years, who abandoned her eight months ago, after wrecking her financially and emotionally. Still, she continued to be in shock, denial and disbelief—until the guy sent her the following poem:
Catch and Release
Before I pull your hair and leave you for dead
I will ravish you
not physically, but with words sensuous and firm
with sibilance rolling off my chameleon tongue
and metaphors byzantine and allusive pitched
to that intimate space between your ears.
I will watch you wriggle with denial,
claw with anger, bargain for release,
splash like a drowning animal in hopelessness.
And when I observe the contour of your acceptance,
the precise moment your will bends pliantly to mine
I will release you.
Game over.
Trina was horrified, and when she communicated this to the guy, he denied that the poem was at all autobiographical. He said she needed to “lighten up;” she was too “up tight;” he’d just taken a line from a TV show and embellished it. Here’s how he explained it to Trina:
“I thought that was a great opening line and I twisted it a bit, threw in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief as I played on the word ‘dead’ and created a poem, role playing the braggart and using a line that fishermen do when they fish for fun and not food.”
“This man knows he drove me to the point of near suicide,” Trina says, “and rather than feeling badly for it, he actually taunts me, to this day.”
When there is no reason
Many sociopaths are parasites, manipulating people into giving them money, food, sex, a place to live—whatever. But some sociopaths, who may actually hold down a job and have their own resources, manipulate people, even torment them, just for the fun of it.
There are sociopaths who break women’s hearts just to watch them fall apart. There are sociopaths who commit crimes just to prove they can get away with it. There are sociopaths who disrupt workplaces for their own amusement. These people simply want to be puppet masters, pulling strings and watching everyone else jump.
This is probably the most difficult type of sociopathic behavior to comprehend. Many of us have spent hours, days, weeks, even years trying to figure out why a sociopath acted the way he or she did. Sometimes there is no reason other than the sociopath found the situation he or she created to be entertaining.
So how do we come to grips with this? How do normal people, who try to be considerate and cooperative, understand this behavior?
We can’t. These sociopaths are totally twisted. It’s just the way they are.
Dear Sweet Lily,
What I meant about “I will glady eat crow if I deserve it” is that I will accept responsibility (eat crow) for what I have have done wrong, “but I am plum-tired of eating crow for others behavior when they DESERVE to eat it.” Meaning I am tired of having SHAME for other people’s bad behavior, and they should “eat crow” (accept responsibility and shame) for THEIR bad behavior. But of course we know that the Ps won’t do that.
Lily, NO my dear, you have not in any way EVER offended me. You are the sister of my heart and we love and trust the intentions of those we know are KIND and CARING (as you are) and do not “take offense” at what they say because we know there are NO ulterior motives.
As for you having need of shame or guilt—NEVER!!!! You have the kindest most giving and caring heart of anyone I know and I do not think you should ever feel guilty or ashamed of how you have lived your life. You gave til you bled and all you got for your trouble was wallops up side the head!
What on earth would you feel guilty or shamed about? That you didn’t stay thil the sob killed you? If so, then “shame on you” for leaving him JUST BECAUSE HE TRIED TO KILL YOU!!! NOT!!! (you know that is said tongue-in-cheek)
Dear Lily, sweetest of women, if you have any “faults” at all is that you are so afraid to offend some one—-you are TOO kind and TOO good, and TOO sweet an d TOO giving! That’s why I love you my dear dear friend.
Henry, daarrlin’k you can come decorate my house any time, just don’t take the buffalo head off the living room wall (his name is Noah, and he is over 100years old and used to live in a bar in Austin TX) and don’t take the shaggy cow hides off the carpet in the living room, or get rid of my Victorian antique couch, or my antique wash stand that is my “entertainment center” or my lawyer’s glass front antique book cases, or my antique pie crust table—I got every one of these things at the junktique stores over a life time of prowling, and hey, I got a great leather recliner and foot stool in brand new condition at the auction a month or so ago for $100 and I looked at it on line and it is a Danish piece that cost $3,000 new! Matching sofas cost $7,000. Say, does my great decorating on a shoe string, Mixing Victorian, Golden Oak, and western motif into a unique blend that is ME mean I am GAY? LOL If so, I will let you do my hair! LOL I decided to let it get long so I can put it up in a bun, because have you seen those poor little old ladies with short hair in a nursing home and the aids wash it in the shower and it sticks out like a used Q-tip, so I am letting mine grow long so when I go to a nursing home they can put mine up in a bun or pony tail and I won’t look like a used Q-tip. ROTFLMAO
OXY! ROFLMAO at the used Qtip reference! OMG that was funny. Interestingly, I’ve always thought I want a nice dignified Katherine Hepburn (in On Golden Pond) type up-do when I’m in my senior days… from now on I will always think of you when I see little old ladies with buns and know they were wise beyond their years for avoiding the Qtip look! Thanks for a much needed laugh tonight, Oxy… and hugs to the rest of you LF chuckle heads, too!
P.S. Henry I like your name just as it is. And if you did go with “skillet head” then it would need to be “SIR skillethead” to let everyone know that you are our LF knight in shining armor… the armor being of goodness & kindness!!
WOW Oxy! Your interior decorating sounds awesome! Good hunting! And if youre gay then i’m the pope ! lol!
Hecates path,
Kate Hepburn is my FAVORITE person on earth! I think she was sooooo cool, I know she had her “problems” and picked a hard guy to love but she marched to her own drummer and she was a heck of an actress.
Yep, the only problem is that I am not as thin as I once was, and so don’t quite pull of the “look” that she did, but what the heck, I still think I look cute riding on my big Fat Ass!
Oxy, I couldn’t agree more with your assessment of Kate Hepburn… and how funny ( in that ironic way) that I mentioned her and she is your favorite. I love that you, too, march to YOUR own drummer and am sure that you are quite a cute sight riding on Fat Ass and pull off your own look quite well!! You have a few years on me, Oxy, and I find your attitude and the peace and contentment that you have in your life inspiring. BTW, when you mention Fat and Hairy, I can’t help but smile… those names are great!
Dear Oxy, thank you for your swift reply! I guess I am just too far away from the memories of my EX and “taking” responsibility (undeserved) for his behavior to interpret your sentence! I never thought of it as “eating crow” either. I might be TOO — too many things – but I’m also still TOO very naive and NOT street smart at all!
The major problem yet to be conquered, I think, is my HATE to be misunderstood — and WORSE, to suffer if I think I have misunderstood someone else! Your reply gave me some insights about what I can do about that problem! Thanks!
I laughed out loud reading, “What on earth would you feel guilty or shamed about? That you didn’t stay thil the sob killed you? If so, then “shame on you” for leaving him JUST BECAUSE HE TRIED TO KILL YOU!!!”
Yes, I noted it was said “tongue in cheek” LOL but that PERFECTLY describes my guilt and shame that I had to get rid of. From the vantage point of 4-5 years, I’m astonished that the WORK to get rid of it was so hard! But, later learning about Stockholm syndrome and Trauma Bonding helped understand the reasons. Knowledge is indeed power!
I’m not sure how to explain the sense of defensiveness I noted so I won’t even try, okay? I am inclined to think I misunderstood something you said — not regarding Henry. !! SORRY!!
As far as being TOO everything, I only have to worry about being TOO tolerant of bad behavior when I encounter it. SOON, I hope, I will be able to go into “society” again and be able to “practice” it. I’ve been housebound so long I’ve had to depend on the wise comments of our wonderful LF posters to prepare me for the “real world” again!! I won’t date so that won’t be too much of a problem as far as men are concerned, I don’t think.
I am so disappointed tonight because I FINALLY had an opportunity to meet a fine group of real-life people (yet unknown) at 7:00, although I had to drive about 45 miles.
I was UP to it finally only to have my A/C unit kick out yesterday morning so I “lived” in a 95 degree house for nearly 30 hours. I developed beginning symptoms of heat exhaustion — due to still ill health, I suppose — and I dared not go. At 8:00, I feel fine — but it sure wrecked my evening plans!
I LOVED your description of your Home furnishings. But, I have to admit that yesterday, I got my longish hair cut (because I couldn’t get to my beautician for 5 months). It was a hard decision precisely for the reason you mentioned — a bun in the nursing home!! But, I do like short hair while I’m still “young.” LOL
dear
Hecates path – I seem to miss so many post – but when I see your name I light up cuz I know you are genuine and real and always move me with your word’s, thanks for the sweet comments about me earlier — Sir Skillet Head…
ps. would you explain your name to me once again?
Oh my goodness, Henry, I was saddened to see that what I thought would make you smile – potentially offended you. I was only remembering and referring to several months ago when YOU laughed and joked with smiley faces about that (at the time..funny screenname) and other screennames we were tossing around and some that come and go on LF…
I apologize and feel terrible if I have recently offended you… it never crossed my mind that you would have a change of heart about how we loving joked about what you referred to yourself as the poster child for Oxys skillet…
Im very sorry. I would never randomly pick a hurtful name for you – it was taken from my memory of laughing ang giggling one night many many months ago about that silly scrren name. – LTL
LTL – No apology is needed. I do remember the fun we had with the skillet and the names etc.,…but on a serious note I think skillet head sounds weird, specially to those who dont have a clue what a skillet head is….sorry I was so serious – you mean so much to me please dont feel bad….