Recently Lovefraud heard from a woman whom we’ll call Trina. Trina was involved with a sociopath for five years, who abandoned her eight months ago, after wrecking her financially and emotionally. Still, she continued to be in shock, denial and disbelief—until the guy sent her the following poem:
Catch and Release
Before I pull your hair and leave you for dead
I will ravish you
not physically, but with words sensuous and firm
with sibilance rolling off my chameleon tongue
and metaphors byzantine and allusive pitched
to that intimate space between your ears.
I will watch you wriggle with denial,
claw with anger, bargain for release,
splash like a drowning animal in hopelessness.
And when I observe the contour of your acceptance,
the precise moment your will bends pliantly to mine
I will release you.
Game over.
Trina was horrified, and when she communicated this to the guy, he denied that the poem was at all autobiographical. He said she needed to “lighten up;” she was too “up tight;” he’d just taken a line from a TV show and embellished it. Here’s how he explained it to Trina:
“I thought that was a great opening line and I twisted it a bit, threw in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief as I played on the word ‘dead’ and created a poem, role playing the braggart and using a line that fishermen do when they fish for fun and not food.”
“This man knows he drove me to the point of near suicide,” Trina says, “and rather than feeling badly for it, he actually taunts me, to this day.”
When there is no reason
Many sociopaths are parasites, manipulating people into giving them money, food, sex, a place to live—whatever. But some sociopaths, who may actually hold down a job and have their own resources, manipulate people, even torment them, just for the fun of it.
There are sociopaths who break women’s hearts just to watch them fall apart. There are sociopaths who commit crimes just to prove they can get away with it. There are sociopaths who disrupt workplaces for their own amusement. These people simply want to be puppet masters, pulling strings and watching everyone else jump.
This is probably the most difficult type of sociopathic behavior to comprehend. Many of us have spent hours, days, weeks, even years trying to figure out why a sociopath acted the way he or she did. Sometimes there is no reason other than the sociopath found the situation he or she created to be entertaining.
So how do we come to grips with this? How do normal people, who try to be considerate and cooperative, understand this behavior?
We can’t. These sociopaths are totally twisted. It’s just the way they are.
Thankyou Slimone! I take that as a compliment!
I went no contact from my parents once for ten years with my 3 children.
But it wasn’t until Oxy baby stepped me through the quagmire of mud and made me run the gauntlet of her skillet that I finally understood the way out of psychopath hell. Like a lot of us she and Rosa taught me how to walk.
I am nowhere near “out” but i have a lot more ammunition (NC) than I used to.
You are amazing slimone, I rarely post to others on lf (since Elton John was on) as my life has suddenly become very hectic, (Weeding out the P/s/n ‘s in my life). But whenever I read your posts they really serve me in my recovery. Its like taking a million baby steps forward and one giant one back. So I have to hang on to oxy and Rosa tightly or I lose my balance.
Thankyou again for validating my pain.
Never put me in charge of a person in a wheelchair!
Geminigirl:
Thankyou so much, my sense of humour got me through it. I found out very young, that laughing is the same release as crying. You get exactly the same amount of release. It is all just a release. So I could laugh at them at home during the bashings and I could save a tiny bit of my dignity
For a many years I would laugh inappropriately outside of home, because i thought other homes were like my home and everyone just hid it.
Then i learned it is better to be silent.
I have a lot to learn from you in regards to your daughter. I am at the beginning of the beginning of the beginning in dealing with her. Of course I have been no contact but I feel such a swing of emotions (RAGE!), but more often, “if only I had known a long long time ago! I am so mad that it took me thirty years to “get it” with her!). And like you, I would buy her things and she woulf use them viciously against me to undermine me. Horrible horrible stuff.
LIKE OXY SAYS:
WHAT DOESN”T KILL US MAKES US STRONGER!! xo
Hey, gang,
Just got back from the auction and took a shower and wanted to check in before bed.
I will try to answer questions and comments. I intend to keep you guys up on what goes on with my plan. Monday i will call the minister friend of the P-egg donor (that’s for you Tilly! LOL) and set up a time when my sons and I can meet with him and also take the evidence over to him and show it to him. Then will set a time for us ALL to go and confront her. I think it is VERY important that we do this as a group so she can’t smear son C and me to the Rev and play the pity card. She needs to be confronted by the GROUP. I may have trouble getting him to go along with this but it is a MUST and I will insist on it.
Actually, the “boys” and I are making our plan on how to present this to the Rev so that he will A) believe it and B) be inclined to support us….”for the good of her soul” blah blah blah.
If this all sounds like a MANIPULATION, that is EXACTLY what it is. I am ACTING like a psychoopath in order to protect myself.
The ONE THING she FEARS is public EXPOSURE and this is going to do it. I have plotted and planned on how to present this to HER so she won’t sneak around and cheat and a friend gave me a great idea. And that is to tell her that if she dies and has given money to P-son that I will publicly expose her to the WORLD
Also, if she refuses to at least pretend to “repent” etc. the minister will DISFELLOW SHIP HER PUBLICLY. That is the WORST thing that could happen to her, she has to keep up her mask of christianity (notice small C!)
Tilly, I can so orelate to your “if only I had known/done something 30 years ago” blah blah blah, but you know, we didn’t know and we didn’t do, but we KNOW NOW, and we are DOING NOW. No one can roll back the clock and do ‘overs.” I wish we could, but what we have had happen to us, what we have done, what we have learned, has made us the incredible and wonderful and STRONG people we are today.
I DREAD, I admit it, I D-R-E-A-D the confrontation with her and I dread the time I have to spend with him before it, I dread being judged by this man, but you know, I am gonna do it anyway. I feel the stress in the muscles between my shoulders and in my neck, I’m “antsy” (that’s one reason I went out tonight with a female friend and one of my sons!)
OH, BTW, ran in to the X-DIL and her BF, and boy is HE A CATCH! NOT! She looked terrible, hair dyed jet black, gained 25 pounds (all in her butt) and her face looked older than mine even though she is 18 years younger. She saw me and left (there is a no contact order so if she had spoken to me I could have called the law) but she did speak to son D for a minute then hid out in the car (in 90+ degree heat with 95% humidity in the blazing sun) for a couple of hours until her BF had finished buying what he was going to buy. He makes a living buying and selling junk.
Anyway, it is stressful but I have lived fairly stress free for a while now so I have a few “stress points” saved up to “spend” on this since it is SO IMPORTANT if there is a chance, and I think this is the ONLY chance that even MIGHT WORK.
So will give it a shot.
How is your class going, Tilly? how is your tooth problem coming along? Hang in there Tilly, I know you can pull it off! I’m glad that my BOINKING has helped you “get it through your thick skull” Between boinking myself, henry and You and a few others, my skittet is gettin gpretty thin on the bottom, but my right arm looks like a weight lifters! ha ha ((((hugs)))) and always my prayers for you Tilly, YOU DESERVE SOME PEACE!
Oxy wini has lost her Neuphy,,she needs our prayers, i told her griveing the losss of a beloved pet is a natural grief – part of Gods plan – grieving a spath is unnatural – please every body give a momment of thot to her loss..
Dearest amazing oxy, I will be thinking for you and praying for you like mad tonight!{Aussie time}. I hope all goes according to plan, if not, at least you will have given this your best shot. Sometimes we have to fight fire with fire, and these sociopaths taught us well! You are a wonderful amazing amazon woman, you are a legend. We all love you to bits and Im sure were all praying for you! Dont dread this, remember Daniel in the firey furnace, he came out of it INTACT, not a mark on him, not even the smell of smoke! God was with him, in fact he was in the fire with him!! Your not fighting this battle alone. We are all in it with you!TOWANDA!!!Feel the fear and do it anyway!! geminigirl{Hugs}}XXX
OXY:
YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS>
THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING P EGG DONOR IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME> (((OXY))).xoxoxoxox
Dear Tilly, dear Oxy, I will lit a candle each for the two of you and a mighty big one for all the LF-community-“Club-members” today in our cathedral! I am so humbled by your ordeal unimmaginable so far to me in its cruelty and shamelessness. And Towanda to OXY!!!! ((((((Hugs))))))
Just jetting to drop someone at the airport. But in reading back to my last post I dropped the ‘g’ from Stayingsane and that doesn’t work out too well, in terms of her original meaning for that blog name.
I apologize. Oopie…..