Recently Lovefraud heard from a woman whom we’ll call Trina. Trina was involved with a sociopath for five years, who abandoned her eight months ago, after wrecking her financially and emotionally. Still, she continued to be in shock, denial and disbelief—until the guy sent her the following poem:
Catch and Release
Before I pull your hair and leave you for dead
I will ravish you
not physically, but with words sensuous and firm
with sibilance rolling off my chameleon tongue
and metaphors byzantine and allusive pitched
to that intimate space between your ears.
I will watch you wriggle with denial,
claw with anger, bargain for release,
splash like a drowning animal in hopelessness.
And when I observe the contour of your acceptance,
the precise moment your will bends pliantly to mine
I will release you.
Game over.
Trina was horrified, and when she communicated this to the guy, he denied that the poem was at all autobiographical. He said she needed to “lighten up;” she was too “up tight;” he’d just taken a line from a TV show and embellished it. Here’s how he explained it to Trina:
“I thought that was a great opening line and I twisted it a bit, threw in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief as I played on the word ‘dead’ and created a poem, role playing the braggart and using a line that fishermen do when they fish for fun and not food.”
“This man knows he drove me to the point of near suicide,” Trina says, “and rather than feeling badly for it, he actually taunts me, to this day.”
When there is no reason
Many sociopaths are parasites, manipulating people into giving them money, food, sex, a place to live—whatever. But some sociopaths, who may actually hold down a job and have their own resources, manipulate people, even torment them, just for the fun of it.
There are sociopaths who break women’s hearts just to watch them fall apart. There are sociopaths who commit crimes just to prove they can get away with it. There are sociopaths who disrupt workplaces for their own amusement. These people simply want to be puppet masters, pulling strings and watching everyone else jump.
This is probably the most difficult type of sociopathic behavior to comprehend. Many of us have spent hours, days, weeks, even years trying to figure out why a sociopath acted the way he or she did. Sometimes there is no reason other than the sociopath found the situation he or she created to be entertaining.
So how do we come to grips with this? How do normal people, who try to be considerate and cooperative, understand this behavior?
We can’t. These sociopaths are totally twisted. It’s just the way they are.
ember halo
i got pulled back into my S’s web, been wasting the past few months “working it out” HA! falling for his lies & masks. he seemed to be doing everything right on the surface, but my gut didn’t feel right. i came across evidence of his lies purely on accident–he must have gotten careless in his stoned stupor & didn’t properly hide his drugs. his stammerring a nonsensical excuse was nearly laughable, he didn’t expect me to uncover his deception. then he got angry at me for not believing him, gave me the silent treatment for almost a week. i didn’t answer my phone, he left a message with yet another feeble excuse that didn’t add up & a pity play. i called him on it. the next day his ex forwarded me emails from him trying to get back together with HER just a couple months ago, the same day he was emailing me mushy crap. he admitted it was his email, denied ever sending her any messages. his explanations & excuses are either getting more transparent or i’m not a naive as i used to be. there are other things i know i haven’t even scratched the surface of, but i don’t even care anymore. going NC again. started tomorrow. today he called to say he had diapers for our daughter (THAT’s a first!) and since i’m broke i took the bait. ended up telling him how much he hurt me, and that i suspect that he’s pleased about it. he had no response except a shrug & an “i’m sorry? i don’t know what to say.” he was so BLANK about it. hopefully i can manage NC for longer this time. i’m in counselling now, so i hoping it will help. also been getting massages and they’re actually very helpful for the stress. ( i recommend them highly!!! ) trying to figure out a way to go back to school. my mom (who i’m living with & has issues of her own–BP tendencies) is trying to manipulate me & emotionally blackmail me out of my plans. i feel so alone in this world. wondering if i can manage to be strong enough for myself and my toddler…
ErinBrock
Ember:
Take the lessons of the past few months….and NEVER DOUBT YOURSELF!
You can do this…..you have to remain vigilant and strong.
Do not let anyone shoot down your ‘reality’ of what YOU KNOW!!!!
You have seen it, you gave it the chance…..it didn’t work….it won’t work……Break free.
Untie your emotions from this man.
You are aware, alert and ready for action…….
Now…..engage yourself in YOUR FUTURE!!!!
It’s lonely…..but temporary……you will find your way if you stay strong. It does get better!
You CAN and WILL create a future for you and your child…..look to the future only…..
Keep reading for confirmation of what you believe……the reality of it all needs to be engrained in you…..so you never forget again…..
You’ll be okay, stay strong and keep NC…..no excuses…..do not let him “IN”. If he chooses to be a father….great…..but that is his ONLY role in your life now.
XXOO
Welcome back…… 🙁
geminigirl
Tilly, I also live in Australia! I emigrated here in 1973, with my first husband, and two litle girls, then aged 7 and 9 years old. We were th last of the “ten pound Poms!” Id love to know more about your story, especially as it relates to your daughter. I knew nothing at all about narc/sociopaths, gaslighting, or any of these things till I found this wonderful place of growth and healing!
Stay strong! Love and {{{HUgs}}} geminigirlXX
Tilly
Hi Geminigirl!
I remember once before (ages ago) you mentioned to me you were from OZ. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to identify as Oz or not. Until I came here I thought we must have the most psychopaths in OZ than anywhere in the whole world !Now I am sure that they are spread out evenly in every country.
Yes gemgirl, LF is truly the only place to go if you are a true victim ofpsychopath abuse. The ones that go back to the sociopath quickly find out that there is nowhere else to go once you have hit your rock bottom (for the millionth time), except for LF.
This is the only place that keeps psychopaths out to the best of their ability Whilst they make a true, honest and heroic effort to get real recovery for people whose lives have been destroyed completely.
If it wasn’t for the support of Love fraud I would be a mumbling mess in a ditch somewhere.
But i am strong today because I can come here when i am sad or angry or stupid or cheeky or whatever! and when i want to give up, there is always someone here who needs help to wake myself up to myself!
TOWANDA! xoxoxox
Tilly
libelle:
Thankyou for your prayers, we need everyone of them today!(((hugs)))
Brilhancy
Tilly and Geminigirl, I also live in OZ. Came to Oz in 1983 with my ex S and a 6 months old baby girl. Here we had our second child. The red flags started after 3 years later, but I had no idea of what I was dealing with. Strong red flags that I did know how to read then and it just got worse with the years. After 20 years of all sort of craziness I could not cope anymore and I became the S to survive. I freed myself and the children and we came out Ok. We are doing really fine today, after 7 years of NC and he went back to where he belongs…for sure not with us…
Brilhancy
Tilly and Geminigirl
Strong red flags that I did NOT know how to…
Rosa
Tilly:
Why do you call Australia “OZ”?
Is it a short name for the “AUS” part of AUS-tralia???
That is the only thing I can see.
geminigirl
Hi, dearest Tilly and Brilhancy,[and Rosa}, thank you for your response, Tilly. I spoke to my daughters ex husband last night, he doesnt know where she is living now, only that she is bunking in with a friend. he doesnt want to know anything about her. he now has the 3 kids full time,they are happy, he is doing a great job. he says they dont appear to miss her, but is waiting to see if Mary, the youngest at 8, will crack and miss her Mum. So far, it seems not. D. is 45, has thrown away a great husband, several great jobs, had to leave her expensive rented flat as she doesnt have a full time job any more.She is homeless, carless, cashless, in debt,has thrown away her Mum,{me} who was her greatest ally even after years and years of abuse by her, also good friends who are sick of being used and thrown away by her. What will become of her? I still worry about her, but havent rung her.I dread being in contact with her a I know how manipulative she is. her ex now says he has no feelings left for her, and couldnt care less where she is.She is still my daughter,when does the worry and guilt stop? I know she doesnt give a rats bum about me! I still feel sick with worry about her. But I know NC is the only answer. Guess Ill just have to ride this out!! geminigirl.She is clever, but has no sense at all!
geminigirl
Yes, rosa, I think Oz is short for Australia, it may also have something to do with the land of Oz, as in the Wizard of Oz. Hugs, geminigirl.