Recently Lovefraud heard from a woman whom we’ll call Trina. Trina was involved with a sociopath for five years, who abandoned her eight months ago, after wrecking her financially and emotionally. Still, she continued to be in shock, denial and disbelief—until the guy sent her the following poem:
Catch and Release
Before I pull your hair and leave you for dead
I will ravish you
not physically, but with words sensuous and firm
with sibilance rolling off my chameleon tongue
and metaphors byzantine and allusive pitched
to that intimate space between your ears.
I will watch you wriggle with denial,
claw with anger, bargain for release,
splash like a drowning animal in hopelessness.
And when I observe the contour of your acceptance,
the precise moment your will bends pliantly to mine
I will release you.
Game over.
Trina was horrified, and when she communicated this to the guy, he denied that the poem was at all autobiographical. He said she needed to “lighten up;” she was too “up tight;” he’d just taken a line from a TV show and embellished it. Here’s how he explained it to Trina:
“I thought that was a great opening line and I twisted it a bit, threw in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief as I played on the word ‘dead’ and created a poem, role playing the braggart and using a line that fishermen do when they fish for fun and not food.”
“This man knows he drove me to the point of near suicide,” Trina says, “and rather than feeling badly for it, he actually taunts me, to this day.”
When there is no reason
Many sociopaths are parasites, manipulating people into giving them money, food, sex, a place to live—whatever. But some sociopaths, who may actually hold down a job and have their own resources, manipulate people, even torment them, just for the fun of it.
There are sociopaths who break women’s hearts just to watch them fall apart. There are sociopaths who commit crimes just to prove they can get away with it. There are sociopaths who disrupt workplaces for their own amusement. These people simply want to be puppet masters, pulling strings and watching everyone else jump.
This is probably the most difficult type of sociopathic behavior to comprehend. Many of us have spent hours, days, weeks, even years trying to figure out why a sociopath acted the way he or she did. Sometimes there is no reason other than the sociopath found the situation he or she created to be entertaining.
So how do we come to grips with this? How do normal people, who try to be considerate and cooperative, understand this behavior?
We can’t. These sociopaths are totally twisted. It’s just the way they are.
Tilly
P.S. of course i didn’t write here what i sent by text, but i went on and on..and on.
neveragain
We all have our moments! I hope you can get some sleep. Back to NC. It was a LAST statement. Bury them in your mind. Hang up if you hear their voice. Return to sender any mail. NC. They are dead to you. Gone.
ANewLily
Dear all,
Just a scrambled thinking note about ramifications of NC.
My oldest sister died today. Now, I’ll never be able to talk to her or attempt to put things right.
neveragain
ANewLily, I’m so sorry for your loss. It is never easy, no matter what the relationship. My mother died in January, AND left a nasty note for me, that I can never put right. But in the end, I think I could never put things right except in my own heart, and that is hard enough. As we age, these losses are harder I think, in a way. I’m so sorry you have this added grief. I went ahead and made a memorial rock garden for my mom. Rocks are probably the right symbol for me! But I do honor what she did do right and try to forget the rest, except to see the ways it has made me stronger.
I hope you find a way to make peace with this. We are very good at making ourselves feel guilty or sad or thinking too much about the past, when all we really ever have, EVER, is this present precious moment.
Hugs and comfort. Forgive me if I chose the wrong words.
hens
Dear Lilly – James 4:14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
Jen2008
Dear NewLilly,
I’m so sorry about your sister. Jenn
jfog1
OMG!!! I just read the poem sent by the “S”. It has been a while since I have been on the blog because of work and caring for my father, etc.. The monster who wrote that could have been my soon to be ex. He loves to play people, suck them in, then throw them out. Still, he torments from time to time. Just when I start feeling like he is gone from my life, he pulls stunts to frustrate and anger me enough to have to get in touch with him. He has stolen from me, thwarted every attempt to get my house back, which I have now succeeded in, and now he is at it again, trying to make me think that he is living in the house that is supposed to be mine and emptyand trying to sell.
I live four hours away, making it difficult for me to know what is going on. But, this time I will not contact him, because he derives great pleasure from tormenting his victims. Who knows why these types of N/S/P’s are this way. He is the worst kind. He is the type in the poem, he is a thief, He does hold down a high paying administrative position of which he lied about his credentials, he peruses child pornography, has multiple affairs, and in my case, I was fortunate to get out alive. Still, he torments…
Tilly
Thankyou Jah,
Yes they are another two who broke my heart, I thought they were true friends even though I only knew one a short time. Could you please bring the laser over here and remove the tatto on my head that says “psychopaths apply here?’
I hate saying that since the melissa lawyer is on and i feel ashamed of my pain. xo
ErinBrock
Tilly:
I want to hear you speaking highly of yourself.
Stop putting yourself down girl. You MUST get to a point of stepping back and observing your ‘mistakes’ so as not to repeat them.
You do not have a tat on your forehead, you are in the fog…..until you get out of it, you will not be able to secure positive relationships.
You are trusting the wrong persons. Simple. Get to know yourself and WHY you are doing this.
We have to deal with all sorts of personalities in our day, step back and observe rather than be the forefront. Get what YOU need out of any situation and allow the rif raf to fall away.
I believe your self esteem is in the dumper…..not that is shouldn’t be with all you have been through……but you must believe in yourself despite your journey…..If you don’t, you will continue to attract persons of this caliber.
It’s only until we are ‘sick’ of our situations will we look at a new way of approaching things.
Your sick of this, I read it in your posts…..NOW…..step back and look at why and what your going to do about it…..
You don’t have to tolerate abuse, dishonesty, manipulations…..but it’s YOU that has to make the change from within……You have to value yourself to do this.
We will not stop the abusive personality types….we will only change OUR way of allowing them to effect us.
Do not allow it.
Pick yourself up and believe in yourself….your a wonderful, beautiful, caring and compasionate woman…..
Be the queen of your world!!!!
XXOO
geminigirl
Dearest NewLily, I am so sorry to hear about your oldest sisters death. While I was lying down just now, having a nap,all of this “came” to me, as if it had been dictated to me by an angel. So will you try it? Please dont think it tacky or strange. First, you will need to buy a few things.here is your shopping list, which I woke up with in my head! Youll need, a small sqaure of pale pink silky material. Two small candles, one pink,{your sisters] and one white{for you}.. Two lengths of narrow satin baby ribbon, one lot white, one pink. Some artificial rose petals,{craft shops may sell them>} a few small, inexpensive silver gilt picture frames. A small bottle of pure oil of roses, and one of oil of jasmine. Two balloons, one white, one pink.A few rose quartz stones,smooth or rough, they heal the heart.
This is what I was “told’ to tell you to do. set up a small altar, it could be on a dressing table, a small corner of your bedroom. set up the small altar, first with the pale pink cloth, arange on it the two small candles, the rose quartz stones,the rose petals. Get a few old childhood pics of you and your sister as young children. Frame them in the little gilt frames. Place them on each side of the candles. Blow up the balloons. Tie them to your left wrist, with both the white, and the pink ribbon.Dont light the candles yet! Say, {your sisters name},
“In our hearts we know we love each other . let us honour the innocent child in each of us. let us remember only the good times we shared. Lets forgive each other, from our hearts. let us love each other, its not too late.You are forever with me”. Now, go outside, cut the ribbons, let both balloons fly away, and say”I let you go in love, please also let me go,in love,Goodbye!” Cut the ribbons. Go inside back to the altar. Sprinkle the rose oil, and the jasmine oil, light the two candles, and say,” May the angels of healing unite our hearts in love, and may my prayers, like incense, float to god. ” Ask her for a sign she has heard, such as a butterfly appearing suddenly soon, or a white dove, or a drift of feathers. YOU decide.Now meditate quietly on what you have just done, and say,”I give all this to God,take this burden from me. There is no fear in love. Thank you God.!” Blow out the candles,-you are now in a place of PEACE!! And that peace will NOT t leave you.!! Love, geminigirl{{{HUGS!!!}}}xxx