Recently Lovefraud heard from a woman whom we’ll call Trina. Trina was involved with a sociopath for five years, who abandoned her eight months ago, after wrecking her financially and emotionally. Still, she continued to be in shock, denial and disbelief—until the guy sent her the following poem:
Catch and Release
Before I pull your hair and leave you for dead
I will ravish you
not physically, but with words sensuous and firm
with sibilance rolling off my chameleon tongue
and metaphors byzantine and allusive pitched
to that intimate space between your ears.
I will watch you wriggle with denial,
claw with anger, bargain for release,
splash like a drowning animal in hopelessness.
And when I observe the contour of your acceptance,
the precise moment your will bends pliantly to mine
I will release you.
Game over.
Trina was horrified, and when she communicated this to the guy, he denied that the poem was at all autobiographical. He said she needed to “lighten up;” she was too “up tight;” he’d just taken a line from a TV show and embellished it. Here’s how he explained it to Trina:
“I thought that was a great opening line and I twisted it a bit, threw in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief as I played on the word ‘dead’ and created a poem, role playing the braggart and using a line that fishermen do when they fish for fun and not food.”
“This man knows he drove me to the point of near suicide,” Trina says, “and rather than feeling badly for it, he actually taunts me, to this day.”
When there is no reason
Many sociopaths are parasites, manipulating people into giving them money, food, sex, a place to live—whatever. But some sociopaths, who may actually hold down a job and have their own resources, manipulate people, even torment them, just for the fun of it.
There are sociopaths who break women’s hearts just to watch them fall apart. There are sociopaths who commit crimes just to prove they can get away with it. There are sociopaths who disrupt workplaces for their own amusement. These people simply want to be puppet masters, pulling strings and watching everyone else jump.
This is probably the most difficult type of sociopathic behavior to comprehend. Many of us have spent hours, days, weeks, even years trying to figure out why a sociopath acted the way he or she did. Sometimes there is no reason other than the sociopath found the situation he or she created to be entertaining.
So how do we come to grips with this? How do normal people, who try to be considerate and cooperative, understand this behavior?
We can’t. These sociopaths are totally twisted. It’s just the way they are.
Ive just emailed Donna and asked her if I can give my email address to New Lily and Tilly, {and anyone else who would like to have it} Ill let you know what she says when I hear from her. Hugs, geminigirlXX
Dear Tilly,
I’m gonna boink you if you dont’ get up and “fly right” as my granny used to say!
Erin gave you some great advice, and I do know it is difficult to get “body slammed” and get back up—been there, my friend! LOL There are so many people out there that may not even be “personality disordered” but they will use you, cheat a little, lie a little, etc. but I am at a point now that I am really picky about who I will associate with and don’t GIVE my trust away. It takes TIME to see how someone acts over the long haul. that’s what th ePs do is that they LOVE BOMB you at first, then you start to see the CRACKS in how they act. It may be a simple thing, a raised eye brow when they are displeased and would like to biatch slap you, but have to restrain themselves (for now).
It isn’t a smart move I don’t think to give your trust except over a long period of time, and under closer association and closer observation….not quickly at all. Real friendships take time and can’t be rushed. I have rushed into too many dysfunctional ones, and it bites me every time.
Hang on, there are some nice people out there!!! Hope your teeth are not hurting you so badly any more. Keep your chin up!11 (((hugs))))
I almost hate to tell you my good news because some of you are hurting so bad. But, I’m going to with the hopes that my news will uplift you with hope, too.
I haven’t talked much about my brother and two sisters because I have never blamed them for not understanding. None of them have experience with disordered personalities (maybe publicly and didn’t know it) and they have a hard time accepting their former brother-in-law as one. It’s truly my fault because I kept the abuse secret until I finally was able to escape.
I *thought* my sisters believed me only to find out they were supporting me because they truly love me. I felt betrayed in a huge way about a year ago and went semi-NC with them.
My brother is a different story. I think he believed me but he is an only son as was my “empty suit.” Through the years he had developed a “brother” connection with him. However, the “empty suit” always had his mask on during the brief vacations, etc. we spent with brother and wife. Brother was ENRAGED that my divorce meant he lost a “brother” and he went NC on me about 6 years ago. I told him I wanted him to keep his relationship — and he did — and I swallowed my feeling of betrayal by him. My idea of a brother is that they are “supposed” to back up their sisters right or wrong!!
So, the good news. All thngs DO work together for good ….”
Our oldest sister’s death brought all of us together into a true family unit again!! Just in less than two days, everything, and I do mean everything, turned about face. Now I’m almost in as much shock as I was upon learning about sister’s death!
And “emtpy suit” has lost! Hallelujah!
NewLil… Good news is a wonderful thing to share! I am so happy to hear you are a family unit again! I have a brother and sister… and don’t know what I’d do without them!! Sounds interesting… “everything turned about face… and empty suit has lost!” I’m doing a little cheerleader dance for you!! LOL
Oxy I miss you boinking me – yep – thats how bad my social life is..I took one of my dachshunds to the vet and I met the nicest gay couple. They were picking up their dachshund who had had back surgery. I instantly started talking to them about my three doxy’s, they also have three. They were so happy and friendly, I could just feel the good vibes coming from them. We had a good chat and then they left. On the way home I started a pity party for me – poor me – wish I had someone to share with etc. Anyway Oxy Boink, me for ole times sake – I need a thrill,,,,,,,,,,,,,
henry:
I totally identify with you (except I’m not gay lol!), but I so feel that I will never ever be with any one ever again and I am so tired of climbing mount everest on my own.
Luvyu Gem! xo
Dearest Henry,
I hope your doxie is ok. I am so sorry you are feeling so alone right now. I wish we could all pack up our dogs, & head to Oxy’s for a boink & bar-b-que fest. I know how you feel, & know how you are hurting. I am cyber-hugging you right now, & hope you feel better. Take the doxies out in the sunshine today.
XXXOOO
ses
Dearest Tilly, I luv you too, sweetheart! Pray god we may meet one day if fate allows it.I feel so close to you in spirit, we share the same disfunctional daughters. Until quite recently, I was in total ignorance of all of this, ie, gaslighting, stockholm syndrome, Narcissopaths,etc. etc. But Im catching up fast! In many ways I think its so much harder to go NC with your own child, evern tho they are grown up, and not the dear sweet chubby child we remember with so much love! Im sure Oxy is right, we should have a memorial service for our ‘dead ‘ children, and move on. In some ways it would be easier if they were dead, not that we wish them dead, but the crippling never ending worry about them doesnt go away!
Ive forgiven my alcoholic husband long ago, and moved on from him, but I cant forgive my younger daughter for not contacting me for almost 17 years, and not allowing me to see her three kids,{now 13, 10, and one year old}. Ive never once seen them not even as tiny babies. I have cried out to God for answers and justice, but nothing. I have done nothing wrong to her . As oxy also says, “they are not so clever.’ No, whats so clever about throwing away a good kind husband, good jobs, money, your home, your old friends , your Mum? Its just plain stupid. I have a saying on my kitchen wall,”A wise woman builds her house, the foolish one tears it down with her hands.” Thats what my older daughter has done, torn her home down with her bare hands.And she still thinks shes smart!!NOT!! Does anyone know or care what happens to them when their looks start to fade, and they run out of suckers?I think they will end up broke, lonely and sad, but then if they dont have regular emotions, maybe this will never happen. I swing between wanting justice, and wishing ill on them, and praying that they will be safe! How crazy is this?!!See how they mess with our minds? Do you imagine in your wildest dreams when the nurse puts this adorable sweet baby in your arms, you are so proud of yourself, do you realise in16 or 17 years time this adorable baby will be swearing at you, throwin g red hot irons at you, destroying your home,lying, stealing your money, conning you , gleefully,over and over and you keep on forgiving her, over and over till your nearly dead, and FINALLY you say ENOUGH!! Thats it! NO MORE!! Ive had it! Even now, if she rang me in tears, I cant be sure I wouldnt be suckered in again. Please god it wont happen.When o when does the pain stop? The anger, the sense of injustice, the betrayal,the hurt,the pain that your own flesh can do this to you without one single shred of remorse? It would maybe be easier if it were a lover ,but your own child? What monsters have I given birth to? They both horrify me.I can t even say they are like my ex, as he wasnt as ruthless, cruel or savage or as guiltless and remorseless as these two are. Forgive this rant, but its how I feel. Hugs to all, geminigirl XX
My pity party continued into my dreams last nite, guess who showed up univited? In my dream I wake up and there he is, leaning back against the wall, arms folded with his smirk on his face, all shiny and clean and chipper. I struggle to ask how he got in my house but I see the open door. He say’s I loved you more than anyone and you and I should be together. I asked but what about Robert? He said “I have chosen to stay with him at this time” on his way out the door he fills up a empty klenex box with water and put’s on the floor, watrer running everywhere, I wake up with the worst dry mouth ever….ok gonna stay busy today and keep him out of my thots.