Recently Lovefraud heard from a woman whom we’ll call Trina. Trina was involved with a sociopath for five years, who abandoned her eight months ago, after wrecking her financially and emotionally. Still, she continued to be in shock, denial and disbelief—until the guy sent her the following poem:
Catch and Release
Before I pull your hair and leave you for dead
I will ravish you
not physically, but with words sensuous and firm
with sibilance rolling off my chameleon tongue
and metaphors byzantine and allusive pitched
to that intimate space between your ears.
I will watch you wriggle with denial,
claw with anger, bargain for release,
splash like a drowning animal in hopelessness.
And when I observe the contour of your acceptance,
the precise moment your will bends pliantly to mine
I will release you.
Game over.
Trina was horrified, and when she communicated this to the guy, he denied that the poem was at all autobiographical. He said she needed to “lighten up;” she was too “up tight;” he’d just taken a line from a TV show and embellished it. Here’s how he explained it to Trina:
“I thought that was a great opening line and I twisted it a bit, threw in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief as I played on the word ‘dead’ and created a poem, role playing the braggart and using a line that fishermen do when they fish for fun and not food.”
“This man knows he drove me to the point of near suicide,” Trina says, “and rather than feeling badly for it, he actually taunts me, to this day.”
When there is no reason
Many sociopaths are parasites, manipulating people into giving them money, food, sex, a place to live—whatever. But some sociopaths, who may actually hold down a job and have their own resources, manipulate people, even torment them, just for the fun of it.
There are sociopaths who break women’s hearts just to watch them fall apart. There are sociopaths who commit crimes just to prove they can get away with it. There are sociopaths who disrupt workplaces for their own amusement. These people simply want to be puppet masters, pulling strings and watching everyone else jump.
This is probably the most difficult type of sociopathic behavior to comprehend. Many of us have spent hours, days, weeks, even years trying to figure out why a sociopath acted the way he or she did. Sometimes there is no reason other than the sociopath found the situation he or she created to be entertaining.
So how do we come to grips with this? How do normal people, who try to be considerate and cooperative, understand this behavior?
We can’t. These sociopaths are totally twisted. It’s just the way they are.
I was reading my journal… and a few months ago someone on LF wrote:
WHEN YOU’RE GOING THROUGH HELL, KEEP GOING!!!
Sorry I don’t remember who wrote it, but I love it!!
The poem in the article catch and release is the attitude I encountered at work with someone I became emotionally twisted over. I am a teacher and married, but a couple of years ago I almost lost everything over a cold unemotional narcissistic female. When this person arrived at our school she appeared shy and reserved although she could also have been employed as a supermodel. She was engaged to be married, but hardly ever mentioned her boyfriend. We had to plan together on a daily basis, and she began showering me with praise to all. She also had the habit of showing most of her breasts to me during our daily conferences which of course I did not object to. She would also make it a big deal to personally invite me to go out drinking on Fridays after our school week which was a habit of some of the teachers. Also at some of our inservices she stared at me continuously almost without blinking it seemed. This went on for almost one and a half years. In the meantime she had been married, but again with almost no recognition of her husband. Anyway I do not fall easily for anyone, or go out of my way to look for someone else even though I am married. I did however fall for this person, but when I told her so in an email she began to change almost overnight. She then began to bring up her husband in conversations now along with the dozens of other men she apparently was doing the same thing with as me including our boss. She would then ignore me publicly as to shame me. I was in tears when I wanted to talk things out with her, but she seemed to be enjoying the suffering she was causing me. I could swear I saw her smiling when I was tearfully confessing to her- but anyway that is not the worst of it. After that she announced that she was moving- to be closer to her beloved husband. I sent her a couple of emails during the summer, but then she went to another female in our department and claimed that I was sexually harrassing her, and presented my email as evidence. I was turned in to the shcool district office before I had a chance to voice my side of the story, and the boss who had liked her as well immediately promoted the girl who accused me to department chair. Needless to say the next year was a fog for me as they then began to attack my work, so much so that I left the school that I worked for and loved for six years. There is a lot more that I could go on forever almost with the twisted things that were done to me teasing and taunting me. I am glad however that with the new school I went to I found a principal who stood by me, and some other things turned out for me as well in regards to school ratings that gave me hope. I also can be glad that my family was not affected which by the way I still have a great wife and two of the best children around. I read the book the Samson syndrome during my recovery. I found out that Samson a man of God had his eyes put out and was made a fool of by God’s enemies when he wandered out of God’s will for him. I don’t think I was trying to hurt my wife with this other person, but I did fall for lies from a liar to become emotionally attached. I feel for Betty and her story because I can identify. There is hope however as I found that prayer works. I see things a lot clearer now. Can you understand evil? Not unless you are that way I suppose.
hi all,
this is lostingrief … and this is my new screen name. having trouble with my password and thought it was time to associate myself with being lost in grief over that sick, s.o.b. p/s/n!!
on august 11th, i will be ONE YEAR of NC!!! i’m having a party … literally … and am making that FREEDOM DAY in my life.
well, that was one creepy poem. a game. destroying peoples’ lives is just a yuk for these sub-humans. and luckyzb just about knocked me over when she said he asked, ‘why do you love me. i don’t even call you.’ my ex-spath said the exact same words!! EXACT! and then there was, ‘just when we think he couldn’t possibly do anything worse, he does.’ well, bowl me over with a feather! they’re truly pods.
oh, ox, i started the TOWANDA thing. i have been saying that for many years. i just LOVE that scene in FGT when kathy bates starts reclaiming her power. sometimes i just yell it out my window here in the middle of NYC! it’s a great thing. maybe all we LFers should wear TOWANDA t-shirts!
so, i am no longer LOST IN GRIEF. one year was enough. i just refuse to be ‘lost’ because of him, OR to succumb to the terrible grief i have mostly moved through. if i can do it, all of us can. NC is absolutely critical. the distance allows us to see the hypocrisy, lies, deception, manipulations, et al, ad nauseum clearly.
just the other day, the pod tried to reach me by phone. AS IF!!! certainly, i am still recovering … one year without him after 25 years of ‘loving’ him and only him is just a start. but i don’t feel like i’m dying anymore. and i’ve stopped gaining weight (although i now have to lose 90 lbs). but i’d rather be fat than anywhere near him.
TOWANDA!!!
shabby,
my minister always says, ”it’s okay to walk through the valley of the shadow of death … we all must do it from time to time in this life … JUST DON’T PITCH A TENT!”
moving-on… It is so good to hear from you!! Congratulations on your 1 year of NC! That is fabulous! I am happy to hear you are feeling better, it is very encouraging!! God bless you!
moving-on… Love the “pod”, so true, they are creatures in a human body! What a scream!… and it starts with a “P”!!
Will someone tell me, What does Towanda mean,? and Rotflamao?
Moving on:
WHAT A MILESTONE…..I am thrilled at the tone of your post!
Such strength and encouragement….YOU JUST GO RIGHT OUT THERE AND CELEBRATE GIRL!!!! Take control…..that’s what it’s all about!
I love the name change….what a wonderful reflection of WHO you have become. What a journey and to hear your positive attitude is great.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! You are heading down the right road now…..you expect a few bumps and potholes…..but nothing the road crew can’t fix.
Grrrrrr tiger!!!
Geminigirl:
Towanda is an empowerment ‘saying’…..
ROTFLAMAO = rolling on the floor laughing my ass off….
moving on – you make me proud – you and I have shared alot here and both have climbed up out of despair – I need to change my name also – was thinking of something generic and genderless – too many people know me – people who dont blog – I realy dont give a shit – but Henry is my real name – so look for a change soon –
Henry is your real name!!! OMG!!! Thats crazy!