Recently Lovefraud heard from a woman whom we’ll call Trina. Trina was involved with a sociopath for five years, who abandoned her eight months ago, after wrecking her financially and emotionally. Still, she continued to be in shock, denial and disbelief—until the guy sent her the following poem:
Catch and Release
Before I pull your hair and leave you for dead
I will ravish you
not physically, but with words sensuous and firm
with sibilance rolling off my chameleon tongue
and metaphors byzantine and allusive pitched
to that intimate space between your ears.
I will watch you wriggle with denial,
claw with anger, bargain for release,
splash like a drowning animal in hopelessness.
And when I observe the contour of your acceptance,
the precise moment your will bends pliantly to mine
I will release you.
Game over.
Trina was horrified, and when she communicated this to the guy, he denied that the poem was at all autobiographical. He said she needed to “lighten up;” she was too “up tight;” he’d just taken a line from a TV show and embellished it. Here’s how he explained it to Trina:
“I thought that was a great opening line and I twisted it a bit, threw in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief as I played on the word ‘dead’ and created a poem, role playing the braggart and using a line that fishermen do when they fish for fun and not food.”
“This man knows he drove me to the point of near suicide,” Trina says, “and rather than feeling badly for it, he actually taunts me, to this day.”
When there is no reason
Many sociopaths are parasites, manipulating people into giving them money, food, sex, a place to live—whatever. But some sociopaths, who may actually hold down a job and have their own resources, manipulate people, even torment them, just for the fun of it.
There are sociopaths who break women’s hearts just to watch them fall apart. There are sociopaths who commit crimes just to prove they can get away with it. There are sociopaths who disrupt workplaces for their own amusement. These people simply want to be puppet masters, pulling strings and watching everyone else jump.
This is probably the most difficult type of sociopathic behavior to comprehend. Many of us have spent hours, days, weeks, even years trying to figure out why a sociopath acted the way he or she did. Sometimes there is no reason other than the sociopath found the situation he or she created to be entertaining.
So how do we come to grips with this? How do normal people, who try to be considerate and cooperative, understand this behavior?
We can’t. These sociopaths are totally twisted. It’s just the way they are.
ANewLily
Oh, Oxy, I hope I didn’t offend you in my reply to Henry!!!!!
I have recognized the love and care you have for him as you “boinked” him for being down on himself. I think he did, too.
I was objecting, with Henry, about the “name-calling” by referring to him as “skillethead.” I have a deep aversion to any form of NAME-CALLING! Maybe I should apologize to LTL who used that “name.” Sorry, LTL. I do recognize your sense of humor!
Oxy, I don’t think YOU are a “skillet-head” either, no matter how many times you’ve boinked yourself! I admire you SO MUCH for what you have overcome and our willingness to share your wisdom with all of us.
You have my permission to boink me with your skillet any time you want — but I WON’T call even myself a “skillet-head.
ANewLily
“your willingness” not “our willingness”
hens
When I was said ‘ who gives a rat ass what I think ‘ i was referring to civilians, not lovefraud peeps, I know I have true caring friends here. I was proud to be your boinkee Ox, I know it was a love tap..you and so many here have been a life line that you will never know….Too Lostingrief – sweetie you can change your name but I still hear the grief in your words. Yes we have come along way and we have understanding of what happened and why and how. We know how to avoid it again, we know we must respect ourselves and take care of ourselves. But that pain lingers too long for some of us…ANEWLILY _ I want to address your last post. It did not surprise me at all when you revealed your ex’s involvement with men…it’s like Donna said – physcopaths are not straight or gay they will screw anything or anyone….I was married to my best friend and mother of my two sons for ten years. I have had sex with only one female in my life and that was her. Seriously it is abnormal for me to be sexual with a female. I married to hide my identity, to please my mother, to make dad proud etc etc…anyway it was the best ten years of my life and I have to good sons and 3 grandkids that I can not imagine being with out…but my wife deserved better, she needed some passion in her life (sexually) – we remain the bestest of friends – she even met the X spathhole of mine..she is and will always be the only woman in my life…we didnt have a perfect marriage but we have a perfect bond and respect for each other….I am to the point where i dont label myself – I am Henry and I am gay and I would never be with a women or a man that is married to a woman…Lily Lily Lily – you are special….
hens
women are beautiful creatures – I love women – I have many beautiful women in my life – I prefer the company of women – men are pigs….
Tilly
Henry:
I loved your last post. And I am gladf you are staying with your name, real or not, I like it. As for me, as soon as “carriesguns” came on I wanted her name IMMEDIATELY! Mainly coz I don’t carry guns and wish I could. But its different over here. But it won’t be in the long run.
Anyway i chose matilda because it australian… and a few other reasons that i won’t disclose.
I respect peoples right to be not anonymous as much as anonymous. In fact i hope the day comes when i can be just as out there and up front as our Henry! xoxoxxo(((HENRY))))
Tilly
Donna:
I love this article.
“There are sociopaths who break women’s hearts just to watch them fall apart. There are sociopaths who commit crimes just to prove they can get away with it. There are sociopaths who disrupt workplaces for their own amusement. These people simply want to be puppet masters, pulling strings and watching everyone else jump”
Every p/s I have ever known, fulfills all of these “symptoms” along with many symptoms.
Ox Drover
I recognized long ago Henry’s SELF BASHING because that was what I had done all my life….no matter how I SUCCEEDED externally, straight As in college (not good enough) Professional “glory” and accolades (I could have and should have done better!) always feeling like an IMPOSTER, that I was just “fooling” folks with my external success. I recognized that FEELING when I was in 7th or 8th grade and made a 100% on a spelling test and the next highest score was 90%…the teacher complimented me and my thought was “Boy, did I FOOL her!” rather than feeling complimented, I just felt like a faker.
Since I recognized that feeling inside myself, when I “heard” Henry talking that way about himself (by then we had a good cyber-relation-shiP) so I jokingly BOINKED for being down on himself…the way I had learned to BOINK myself when I got down on me. It is still hard sometimes to accept a legitimate compliment and FEEL it inside no matter how sincere it is given to me, or even how much I deserve it.
I recognize that many of us have been devalued some or most of our lives, and especially with the psychopaths. The things that they did to us make US ashamed and feel badly about ourselves, INSTEAD OF THEM FEELING THE SHAME, we PICK it up.
sometimes I think I am like a good hound dog that can pick up a trail at a mile or more away by scenting the wind. If there is a pile of GUILT and SHAME within two miles of me, I can catch the scent on the breeze and head right for it like a hound dog. I think Henry also has a GREAT NOSE as well! I think in a way it is what goes with the “territory” of being a former victim, maybe it is what led us to become victims and put up with their chit….at least part of the reason. They feel NO shame and we feel TOO MUCH SHAME. What a great “combo-meal”! LOL NOT!!!!!
I will gladly EAT CROW if I deserve it, but I am plum-tired of eating CROW when SOME ONE ELSE DESERVES THE MEAL.
ANewLily
Oxy, will you please explain what you mean by “I will gladly EAT CROW if I deserve it, but I am plum-tired of eating CROW when SOME ONE ELSE DESERVES THE MEAL” ?
I sense your defensiveness (and fear that I am the cause) but I’m not sure I understand.
I have sometmes sensed that you think that I *should* have some “guilt” or “shame” that I refuse to admit. I had dealt with my guilt and shame issues long before I ever found an online support group. It was long and painful WORK and I rejoice to have rid myself of them.
survivorpam
My assailant so far crossed the line he has been sentenced to 30 years for his crimes. In reclaiming my life and my power, it has been helpful to me to remember THERE ARE NO VICTIMS, ONLY CORPSES and SURVIVORS! From our ordeals, we bring experience to teach others. Heal from within to see our experience as a gift. Extreme violence witnessed as a child increases the risk of becoming a violent sociopath, particularly if untreated. As I launch Survivor On A Mission, I reached out to Chris Brown’s publicity team, offering the opportunity for him to be part of the solution rather than identified with the problem (tho Rolling Stone’s “Toule” has already pegged him the next Ike Turner). If his shame is genuine, he will embrace this opportunity for treatment and gain in the public eye.
hens
Oxy – I dont think you were being defensive for explaining the skillet boinks, believe me I needed them. They were lesson’s in reality. I dont want to be referred to as skillet head on the blog, what would the newbies think? We all have had your love taps of reality..it took me 50 years to wake up to reality and my skillet weilding friend on her jackass will be in my mind and heart forever..dont put your skillet away as I will always need a dose of reality from time to time…yes you and I have a special relationship – so dont make me come down there and decorate your house!!!!!!!