Gaslight Last weekend I watched the classic movie, Gaslight. For those of us who have been in a relationship with a sociopath, it is a great reminder that we weren’t imagining things and how good these puppeteers are at what they do. We were not paranoid, or too sensitive, or unable to take a joke, or fill in the blank. We were being purposely manipulated and deceived by someone who never loved us, has no ethical rudder; and, at our expense, was using us for their personal gain. To weaken us in order to achieve those goals, the sociopath has many tools that go beyond gaslighting—making us question our own reality. Ironically, the flickering of gas lights that Paula obs …
Are you “too sensitive,” or is your partner a sociopath?
You're too sensitive! As I think back about my life and my unwitting marriage to a sociopath, a phrase haunts and repeats like an old-time broken record, “You’re too sensitive.” For decades, I believed that hearing this phrase should trigger self-reflection and attempts at self-improvement. If I’m “too sensitive,” the underlying assumption is that I should work to become “less sensitive.” I believed this because this is what I’d been taught as a child, and it was reinforced through my adult life by two people I loved and respected at the time—my father and my now ex-husband. Yet, now I believe that hearing this phrase repeatedly by key people in one’s life should trigger another type of …
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Are highly empathetic people particularly attracted to the calm, confidence exhibited by sociopaths?
The Fear Factor: How One Emotion Connects Altruists, Psychopaths, and Everyone In-Between: Part B As I mentioned last week, I recently read the book The Fear Factor: How One Emotion Connects Altruists, Psychopaths, and Everyone In-Between by Dr. Abigail Marsh, Associate Professor of Psychology and Interdisciplinary Neuroscience at Georgetown University. Her book sparked some “light-bulb moments.” I shared the first two last week, and I am sharing the third and fourth light-bulb moments this week. For those who read last week’s post, you might want to skip directly to light-bulb moment number three, below. (Note: Dr. Marsh and many researchers refer to these disordered individuals as 'ps …
Does sensitivity to others’ fear make some of us easily manipulated by sociopaths?
The Fear Factor: How One Emotion Connects Altruists, Psychopaths, and Everyone In-Between: Part A Recently, I finished reading the book The Fear Factor: How One Emotion Connects Altruists, Psychopaths, and Everyone In-Between by Dr. Abigail Marsh, Associate Professor of Psychology and Interdisciplinary Neuroscience at Georgetown University. Her book sparked some “light-bulb moments” that I wanted to share. The first two are below. The third and fourth will follow next week. Dr. Marsh and many researchers refer to these disordered individuals as 'psychopaths.' In my 2015 book, I referred to the same individuals as 'sociopaths.' Psychopaths and highly altruistic people differ on how they …
Does sensitivity to others’ fear make some of us easily manipulated by sociopaths?Read More
How psychopaths behave as children — described by the psychopaths themselves
On Quora.com, people can post questions for others to answer. Here's one question that was posted: How do psychopaths behave as children, especially around other children their age? So far, 13 people have answered the question — most of them self-identifying as psychopaths. The responses are fascinating. Here's an example: I was independent, yes. Behaved very well around my parents and other figures of authority, because behaving well meant that I could get away with more if I were caught. I stole, lied, manipulated “friends” into giving me what they want, made threats, threw violent tantrums, and for whatever reason enjoyed shouting at the neighbor’s dog and stepping( or at least trie …
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Sociopaths, information and power — what you need to know
I clearly remember the words of my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery: "Information is power." Sociopaths don't really interact with others — they look for ways to exert power and control over the rest of us. Information, Montgomery understood very well, gave him the ability to manipulate, deceive and exploit me and others. Let's take a close look at how sociopaths acquire and use information at various stages of a romantic relationship. Advance preparation If you're looking for romance online, you've probably heard about how to protect yourself when you meet an online date in person. But what's more important is protecting yourself when you create your profile. When s …
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To Mom and Dad: 9 reasons why your son or daughter fell for the sociopath
Dear Parents of a Lovefraud Target, Your son or daughter has now come to the brutal realization that the entire relationship was a scam. Perhaps you've had your suspicions for a while. Perhaps you've even tried to tell your kid that the partner was no good, but he or she wouldn't listen to you. Now everything has collapsed, and you can't understand why your son or daughter didn't see it coming. Please understand that sociopaths are professional con artists, and they are really, really good at what they do. In fact, they spend their entire lives perfecting their craft. Following are nine reasons why your son or daughter fell for it. 1. Your son or daughter didn't know …
To Mom and Dad: 9 reasons why your son or daughter fell for the sociopathRead More
Is he a sociopath? The answer depends on how you answer other questions.
Every week, a chapter of my book,"Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, use the links at the bottom of the post. I’ve also just released a new ebook titled Narcissists, SOCIOPATHS & Wolves: Lessons From Little Red Riding Hood. (Just click here to find it on Amazon.com Narcissists SOCIOPATHS & Wolves.) Chapter 59 (Continued): Questions I Wish I Had Asked Myself (or been encouraged to ask) If Paul treated me before we were married like he did after we were married, would I have continued to date …
Is he a sociopath? The answer depends on how you answer other questions.Read More
Recovering from marriage to a sociopath: What I found helpful
Every week, a chapter of my book,"Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, use the links at the bottom of the post. I’ve also just released a new ebook titled Narcissists, SOCIOPATHS & Wolves: Lessons From Little Red Riding Hood. (Just click here to find it on Amazon.com Narcissists SOCIOPATHS & Wolves.) Chapter 59: What I Found Most Helpful Please keep in mind that I am not a doctor, lawyer, psychologist, or a licensed therapist. What follows are a few things I found helpful in my journey …
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Why Don’t More People Know About Sociopaths?
Every week, a chapter of my book,"Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, use the links at the bottom of the post. I’ve also just released a new ebook titled Narcissists, SOCIOPATHS & Wolves: Lessons From Little Red Riding Hood. (Just click here to find it on Amazon.com Narcissists SOCIOPATHS & Wolves.) Chapter 58: Final Thoughts Some women write to and fall in love with incarcerated serial killers, but most of us would never knowingly marry a sociopath. However, many wonderful, caring, intelli …