Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 21: A Second Look What was Paul really doing? What were the specific tools and techniques the master puppeteer employed that are also used by fellow sociopaths and manipulators? Paul started by using the technique of devaluing or minimizing my needs. As a sociopath, this came naturally to him, because a sociopath truly places zero value on anyone's needs but his own. By P …
Once You’re Hooked by a Sociopath, Expect Double Standards–Remember It’s All About Them
By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 20: What Double Standard? Blinding me even further to how emotionally vacant my relationship with Paul was becoming was the joy and exhaustion of motherhood. It was beyond anything I had ever experienced, anticipated, or imagined. My love for Jessica was so profound and deep, as if I had discovered a hidden, untapped well of joy inside me. Once Jessica was born, I k …
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Some Sociopath Tools–Isolation And Intermittent Reinforcement–They Keep You Hangin’ On
By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 19: Of Social Isolation, Pigeons And Food Pellets, Slot Machines, And Intermittent Reinforcement Isolating a woman is a classic strategy that physically and emotionally abusive men use to make her easier to control. It is a red flag that should never be ignored. My move to Minneapolis to be with Paul, distancing me from family and friends back East, was an ideal p …
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We lost our daughter to a mind-controlling Internet predator
Though I am one parent, I am easily the voice of all the parents and families who are living with the horrors of Internet luring of our innocent children for the purpose of human trafficking. The issue is real and our painful journey through this with our only daughter has clearly heightened our awareness of what we have been told is the newest form of “cult like” persuasive coercion, luring, grooming and human trafficking which began with a deliberate and meticulous indoctrination into the world of pornography through an online video game. Our lives have been forever changed. As with anything that can be beneficial, the Internet can also be dangerous. The Internet is the key that opens the …
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Entice, Erode, Control–Just Some Ways Sociopaths Use “Love”
By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 18: Of Economics 101 And Frogs In Hot Water You need not have studied economics to know that scarcity drives up value. A sip of water for someone parched in the desert is immensely more valuable than the same sip of water at the end of a meal at a white tablecloth restaurant where an attentive waiter refills your glass constantly. Is love any different? A single g …
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He’s Not Depressed, Anxious, or Sleep Deprived–He’s a Sociopath!
By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 17 : The Twilight Zone With my biological clock ticking loudly, once we had been at our new jobs for eighteen months, Paul and I decided it was time to have children. After just two months of trying, the pregnancy test registered positive. I danced around our house. At last, I was going to be a mother! Oddly, Paul showed little interest in our developing child. H …
He’s Not Depressed, Anxious, or Sleep Deprived–He’s a Sociopath!Read More
Sociopaths–Diverging Public Versus Private Personas
By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 16: You Have But Slumber'd Here While These Visions Did Appear I chalked up Paul's honeymoon comment to the shock and stress of us both returning to our grueling careers after our wedding and week off in California. Like a dream, the clarity of the incident and subsequent confusing and unsatisfying conversation with Paul faded. Life went on. Perhaps b …
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Sociopaths–Why We Believe Their Lies
By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 15: He Always Tells the Truth—Even When He Lies Much as agents in the Men in Black movies used “neutralizers” to erase any recall of alien encounters, Paul dazzled and distracted me with brilliant linguistic gymnastics to obscure any glimpses of his true, dark, soulless self. He was masterful at talking his way out of anything and creating an alternate reality to get …
‘Coercive control:’ Domestic violence without the physical abuse
In an article in the New York Times, writer Abby Ellin explains the concept of "coercive control" a pattern of behavior in which one partner in a romantic relationship dominates his or her partner. She writes: Coercive control describes an ongoing and multipronged strategy, with tactics that include manipulation, humiliation, isolation, financial abuse, stalking, gaslighting and sometimes physical or sexual abuse. England and Wales have just passed a law making coercive or controlling behavior a form of domestic violence. The United States should do the same. With coercive control, the abuse is psychological, on NYTimes.com. …
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With A Sociopath, It Can All Change So Fast!
By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 12: What Just Happened? Paul and I arrived back in Minneapolis late on a Saturday and spent a leisurely Sunday together. Both of us needed to return to work on Monday morning. I had not worked the entire vacation or even checked in with the office. My co-workers and team leader knew I was on my honeymoon and that I would not be in touch. Still, before I left, I had been w …