How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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I was bowled over; I really thought the guy was in love with me

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Editor's Note: This SPATH story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader who goes by the name "Mary2014". I first met J when he came to fit a new door. I had recently moved house and was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount of work to be done. He was extremely polite and well mannered and appeared to be attentive to my specific needs. He visited regularly bringing catalogues to choose doors, glass, etc., and seemed very keen to make sure that I was happy with the work he did. Although I did feel quite vulnerable having a strange man in the house he soon managed to put me at ease to the extent where I gave him a key so he could come into the house to work when I wasn't there. I …

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My sociopathic boyfriend went from idealizing me to neglecting me

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Editor's Note: This SPATH TALE was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Kathleen Jones." I dated a sociopath for two years before I found out what he was. We met on an online dating site. He mirrored my shyness and interests. I was smitten with him right away. He was not pushy, but patient, and soon we were a couple. After three months of bliss, he would start arguments with me over nothing, but would manipulate me by crying and lying so that I always thought I was in the wrong. It was a long distance relationship, so we saw each other on the weekends. He went from idealizing me, to neglecting me. When I would bring up how I felt, he would say he felt pressured …

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If Psychopaths Were Identified

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If psychopaths were actively identified across institutions, we would more consistently know exactly who we're dealing with. Their stats on getting away with murder would go (way) down. They would be less likely to win full custody in divorce. There would be more public awareness around who's running certain companies. And our public and professional belief that interactional assessments and background checks tell us all we need to know about a person would be turned on its head to the benefit of all involved. If psychopaths were identified consistently and accurately by all mental health professionals (which would require major change in nearly every clinical training …

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If his eyes could talk when he walked out, they would have said “this pond’s been fished out”

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Editor's Note: This Spath story was submitted by Lovefraud reader “Christina2014” I met him while I was working as a designer. He was homeless, penniless, hitchhiking through the country. He told me that his family disowned him and that he is a writer/activist. He introduced himself with a fake name at first, but later, when he realized that I was a worthwhile victim, he gave me his real name and decided to camp out in my life for a while. I helped him get his identifications (he told me he burned them out of protest, finding out years later that he skipped parole in Illinois), drove him to GE classes and helped him even to enroll into College. During the 14 years we were together h …

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Robin Williams, suicide and sociopaths

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Like millions of fans around the country and the world, I gasped when I heard the news: Robin Williams was dead of an apparent suicide. How could it be? He was so funny! Every time I watch Birdcage I practically fall off the sofa laughing. And he was such an amazing talent! In Good Morning Vietnam, Williams ad-libbed all of the Adrian Cronauer's broadcast scenes. And the movie Aladdin was rejected for an Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay because Williams, as the Genie, ad-libbed so many lines. See some of Williams' magnificent improvisations here: Robin Williams Ad-Lib: Remembering the late, great actor with 9 of his greatest improvised moments, on IBTimes.com But it turned …

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Psychopaths as Predators: Protecting Children

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A child predator is likely (but not always) a psychopath and not necessarily a stranger. Here are some points to consider when it comes to protecting your children.* Be Present People who prey on children are likely to seek out roles that give them time for intimate contact. That includes coaches, club advisors, teachers, pastors, and so on. Background checks are only useful if the individual has been caught, and let's face it, many are not. A clever psychopath who preys on children is likely to evade detection through charisma, deception, and a values-driven facade. This person may be the last you'd ever expect—the type who spends time with the family even when the children aren't a …

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Q&A with a psychopathy expert

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Neuroscientist Kent A. Kiehl, Ph.D., has used an mobile MRI scanner to peer into the brains of about 3,000 violent offenders, including 500 psychopaths. Keihl recently came out with a new book, The Psychopath Whisperer The science of those without conscience. In an interview on Wired.com, he answers questions like: What's the difference between psychopathy and psychosis? Why do you see psychopathy as a mental disorder, not just an extreme personality type? What is different about psychopathic brains? Read the full interview: What it's like to spend 20 years listening to psychopaths for science, on Wired.com.   …

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Telling Your Kids the Truth About a Sociopath

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Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader: My daughter was very recently granted custody of the two daughters that resulted from her relationship with a sociopath. An ongoing problem that I would LOVE to see you address on your website—how does one deal with the sociopath's lies and manipulation of the children? Specifically—how do you tell the kids the truth without hurting them? My daughter has to deal with a constant barrage of lies from the other parent. An example of this—telling their older child that her mother did not want to see her when the reality was that he (the sociopath father) was keeping the children from her. It's a no-win situation because either wa …

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Kibby arrested for kidnapping teen who returned home after 9 months missing

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A New Hampshire man was arrested Monday and charged with kidnapping 15-year-old Abigail "Abby" Hernandez more than nine months ago sometime after she left Kennett High School in Conway. Nathaniel Kibby, 34, was arrested without incident at his Gorham home, about 30 miles north of where the girl lives, and was charged with felony kidnapping, authorities said. After his arrest, authorities surrounded a shipping container on Kibby's property with crime scene tape. It is unknown at this time if Hernandez was kept in the shipping container for any of the time she was missing. Hernandez, her mother, Zenya, and sister, Sarah, surprised people when they showed up at Kibby's …

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Mary Ann Glynn: Deceit – the most destructive abuse

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By Mary Ann Glynn, located in Bernardsville, New Jersey I have noticed that those who get involved with a sociopath, whether it's for 30 years or three months, the relationship has the same devastating effect. I've heard some describe even a brief encounter with a sociopath as the most destructive relationship they'd ever been in, even if they had previously been in a physically abusive relationship. What makes this true? Loss of value and power Any abusive relationship is destructive. In order to survive it, a person has to sublimate their needs and their identity, and a loss of self is experienced over time. Self-esteem is battered. Ongoing exposure to physical or verbal degradation from …

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