How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Recovery From a Sociopath: The fake victim and the real victim

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by Quinn Pierce When I first met my ex-husband, I was moved by the amount of compassion and sympathy he showed for the traumatic experiences of my past.  To me, it was an endearing quality for someone to be so caring and supportive.  He kept telling me how honored he was that I trusted him enough to tell him things I hadn't talked to many people about before. Ulterior Motives I look back with cringe-inducing clarity, and I recognize several ulterior motives for his false compassion. For one, he was assessing me as a partner.  He learned that, at the time, I was a very secretive person.  I had a select few people I confided in, and I was not one to talk to others about my own painful …

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Lessons from Sandy Hook: Disturbed people live among us

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On Friday, the Connecticut State Police released documents related to the investigation into last year's terrible school shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. We know the broad strokes of what happened on Dec. 14, 2012: Adam Lanza, age 20, shot and killed his mother, Nancy Lanza, in the home that they shared. Then he went to the nearby Sandy Hook Elementary School and killed 20 first-graders and six adults. Released were thousands of documents, photos, audio recordings and videos. I downloaded one section of the report and opened some of the documents. One that was particularly chilling was the report of Newtown Police Lieutenant Christopher Vanghele, who was …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: An intense relationship, until he threw me back

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Editor's note: This letter was sent in by Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Renata." I know, as far as abuse stories go, this isn't a doozy. I'm sure other women and men have gone through far worse. And that is precisely why I want to share my story, because, even though this guy isn't a major abuser, he's a manipulative, conniving and voracious predator. He will believe he is using his charm and "kindness" to befriend women who are vulnerable and heartbroken, giving them something to feel good about, over and over. He will lead them down the rosy garden path, all the while knowing that he has NO intention of reciprocating a safe and loving relationship. He only uses his "victims" for …

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Letter to Lovefraud: Is his goal to break me?

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Editor's Note: This Letter to Lovefraud is from a Lovefraud Reader whom we'll call  “Aubree.” Names have been changed. I recently got out of a two year relationship with a person who I believe is a sociopath, or at the very least an extremely vengeful borderline. When we first got together, he told me that he used to have a habit of going to bars, finding the prettiest and most confident-looking woman there, and proceeding to go up to her and start picking on her and making fun of her for something that he suspected she might be insecure about. For example, if he saw a girl who was beautiful but wasn't stick-thin, he'd go up to her and start making snide remarks about her weight. He said …

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Michelle Rowling’s ominous Facebook message: ‘If anything happens to me’

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When Michelle Rowling, 25, of East St. Louis, Missouri, found out her former boyfriend was being released from prison she knew there was a chance something might happen to her. It did. Five days after she posted a warning on Facebook, police found her stabbed to death in her apartment. Montrell Cooper, her former boyfriend, is being investigated in her death.  'If anything happens to me, let my kids know I love them': Mother's terrifying Facebook premonition three days before 'ex-boyfriend stabbed her to death', from MailOnline.   …

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Married to a Sociopath: Illusions and Distractions

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By Quinn Pierce I watched a special on television once about a magician.  The show revealed secrets behind the magician's act.  I remember watching the assistant disappear through a trap door.  The door was situated beneath a table that was sitting on an angle which the audience couldn't see. It occurred to me that living with a sociopath is not unlike living with a magician.  A sociopathic spouse creates an illusionary life complete with spontaneous tricks, secrets, and a hidden escape route. Distraction With a Touch of Flair Most arguments within my marriage were subject to a minimum requirement of drama.  It was very unusual for a topic to be discussed at face value; usually, my …

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Sociopaths and the three components of love

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Last week, my husband, Terry Kelly, and I traded colds. I got sick first, and Terry made chicken soup and did what he could to make me feel comfortable. Then, despite my best efforts to keep my germs to myself, Terry got sick. By this time I was feeling better. So I went to the store and bought cold medicine, tissues and orange juice, because I'd used everything up. I made him chicken soup. I even made him a pot of chili. As I did all this, I noticed a warm feeling within me. It was the joy of taking care of someone I loved. I was concerned about his health and wellbeing. I was happy and energized to help him. It was a feeling sociopaths never experience. Three behavioral …

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How Career Con Artists Take Risks With Your Career, Reputation, and Resources

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Editor's note: The following story was contributed by the Lovefraud reader "Abbie123." Names have been changed. A while ago, I was going through a difficult break up when an acquaintance friend of mine named "George" invited me to "get away from it all" at a conference held on an exclusive resort island, no strings attached. Although George and I had only known each other a few weeks, I was vulnerable and the rare opportunity to boost my own spirits and career by spending a weekend mingling with an elite group of international business leaders in my professional field in the lap of luxury so far from my painful reality seemed irresistible. But that was not what happened in reality. As …

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