A Lovefraud reader who posts as "Mani" asked a question that I'm sure is of interest to many others, so I'll address it in a blog post. Mani writes: I was one of the children who lived with a psychopath for a long time. I fought all my life not to let him be a part of my personality. In comparison to what I was exposed to I think I have been successful. But is there anybody out there who can shed more light on the effects of a psychopath father on children, particularly boys? I know there is tendency to label these children as secondary psychopaths but I haven't seen anybody talking about the mechanics of it. And I am sure all these children don't become secondary psychopaths. This is a …
Introducing a new Lovefraud author: Quinn Pierce
Most of us are here at Lovefraud because we've had our lives ravaged by someone who we now realize is a sociopath. The experience of overwhelming deceit and intentional abuse is difficult to comprehend, much less describe. Trying to explain what happened, even to ourselves, leaves many of us at a loss for words. That's why it is so comforting to find the right words expressed by someone else. When another person precisely describes what we've lived through, it validates our own perceptions and lets us know that we aren't the only ones who have gone through such hell. Quinn Pierce, a writer and educator, has the gift of choosing the right words. That's why I am so pleased to announce that …
Marrying a Sociopath: Where Were the Warning Signs?
By Quinn Pierce Lately, when I look back over certain events in my life, it's a lot like watching the same scene from a movie play over and over. You know, the part where the unsuspecting soon-to-be-victim is about to go into the none-too-welcoming basement where the deranged ax-wielding maniac lies in wait. It's the scene we all watch wondering why she had to go down there in the first place, and why isn't she concerned by the sudden power outage and strange noises? Why wouldn't she go get the neighbor she just waved to seconds before, the one who was outside watering the flowers? We watch clue after clue slip past the victim's senses while the ominous music plays in the background. By …
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The sociopath, dogs and manipulation
Editor's note: The following another essay by the Lovefraud reader Quinn Pierce, who writes under a pseudonym. By Quinn Pierce The first thing I did when my husband and I moved into our first home together was adopt a puppy. I had grown up with many pets, and I can't remember a time when I didn't have a dog. I always felt dogs made a home more complete. So, I was thrilled when Ellie, a Border Collie, Golden Retriever mix arrived at my door step, literally. At the time, I was working as a veterinary technician. I had graduated from college in May, gotten married the following fall, and decided to explore my childhood dream of becoming a veterinarian. One morning, when I arrived at the …
Leaving the sociopath, applying for food stamps
Editor's note: The following essay is by a Lovefraud reader who writes under a pseudonym. By Quinn Pierce This isn't exactly the interview I had prepared for. As a matter of fact, this wasn't an interview I even knew how to prepare for. All I knew was that somewhere along the way, my life had taken a detour without any warning. Looking back, it's almost embarrassing how many warning signs there actually were, but in context, they were seemingly harmless acts that built up over time to construct the house of cards my life had become. But I didn't want to think about that at the moment, all I wanted was to get this over with, and go home. The waiting room was the perfect compliment to …
Report on domestic violence and family courts
The Wellesley Centers for Women has just released a new report, Family Court Approaches to Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse: Stakeholder Perceptions and Implications for Systemic Change. Researchers have been gathering data about how family courts see domestic violence cases, how the courts handle the cases, how often children are involved, and whether biases exist. It is the first field study of family courts in which judges, probation officers and litigants were surveyed simultaneously. Improving the court approach to domestic violence cases in the Massachusetts family courts, on WCWOnline.org. …
The mind of a potential mass killer
In the wake of the Sandy Hook school shooting in Connecticut, a young man who at one point harbored similar thoughts sent an essay to The Daily Beast. I just found it, and even though the three-part essay is six months old, I believe Lovefraud readers will find it interesting and relevant. This anonymous young man eloquently explains why, as a teenager, he was filled with rage, and how he was able to turn his life around. The key reason is that his mother did not give up. I was Adam Lanza, on TheDailyBeast.com. …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Survival tips when the ex is a sociopath
Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader "Winifred" contributed the following article. She also wrote The Other Prey — loving someone previously married to a sociopath. My husband's ex wife is a sociopath with borderline personality disorder. Here are tips on how, over the past 9 years, I have learned to stay one step ahead of her and survive with my sanity and our marriage! 1. Do your homework Remember even though you are nothing like them, you must learn to think like them so that you can anticipate their mindset and next deviant move. What they are going thru in their life at the present time will greatly affect how much hell they plan to rain on you, your children involved, or anyone close to …
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Woman loses teaching job because of ex-husband’s stalking
Carie Charlesworth, a second-grade teacher at Holy Trinity School in San Diego, California, was fired by school officials because of her ex-husband's "threatening and menacing behavior." The school's legal counsel investigated the man, Martin Charlesworth. Here's what was found, according to the termination letter received by Carie Charlesworth: Whether or not you are aware of this, Martin Charlesworth has a twenty-plus year history of violence, abuse and harassment of people mostly women and he has continued the pattern to the present. We learned the behavior you endured had been exhibited as far back as 1991 in Alaska with other women, including his then wife. He has an equally long …
Woman loses teaching job because of ex-husband’s stalkingRead More
Study highlights men coercing women into pregnancy
In a survey of 641 women, 16% said they had experienced "reproductive coercion" men intentionally trying to get them pregnant by poking holes in condoms, taking birth control pills and even removing IUDs. Several Lovefraud readers have said that this happened to them. More men are sabotaging women's birth control to get them pregnant: ACOG, on NYDailyNews.com Reproductive Coercion Prevalent Regardless of Socioeconomic and Educational Background, on ACOG.org. …