How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: I don’t understand why I still care

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One of our readers wrote the following, nearly everyone of us has expressed the same sentiments: One phone conversation with him could go from loving words in the very begining to total ugliness toward the end and he would often get really mean and hang up on me. It was like he was Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde all rolled into one. You never knew what he was going to be like... In spite of all this, I still love him and can't stop thinking about him. I guess it's just that I remember the good times and what a loving and caring man he could be when he wanted to. I know I am still grieving over this, because he still haunts me and I can't seem to get him out of my system. And I know now that …

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“How did he really feel?” and “What did he want from me?”

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“How did he really feel?” and “What did he want from me?” are two questions that often haunt victims of sociopaths. The reason we are haunted by these questions varies but often stems from the habit of over-focusing on the sociopath instead of ourselves. That being said, victims also have a healthy ”˜need to know' that can help with recovery and healing. I struggled with these questions in my own healing. I remain baffled by my observations of enjoyment of affection on the part of sociopaths. Early on, I told my own therapist that I had come to the conclusion that sociopaths exploit those close to them to the point of death, then, cry at the funeral. At the moment the tears are shed, I bel …

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Love not lovefraud

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Within the last 6 months, I received word that my ex-husband (still in prison after having destroyed my life) pledges undying love for me. One of the most disturbing after-affects of a relationship with a sociopath is confusion about love. As part of my own healing, I resolved to study the scientific literature to understand what is known of the nature of love. I will summarize my findings here but also please visit Ability to Love. Attachment is what causes us to stick together Although there are many other species that live solitary lives, humans are social creatures. That means we stick together. Scientists have called this tendency to stick together "attachment." Attachment is part of …

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Sociopaths and sex

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Lovefraud has heard from many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths. They often comment on the "amazing sex." Many sociopaths are skilled lovers, and there are reasons for this. First of all, sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have an excessive need for stimulation, excitement and sensation. They also have no fear and no inhibitions. From a sexual perspective, that means a voracious appetite and anything goes. Secondly, sociopaths get a lot of practice. They usually start young—precocious sexuality is one of the early behavior problems typical of a sociopath. As they get older, sociopaths continue to engage in frequent, casual sex. Sociopaths have plenty o …

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How psychopaths manipulate their victims

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Snakes in Suits—When Psychopaths Go to Work is a new book published by Dr. Robert Hare, the international expert on psychopaths, and Dr. Paul Babiak, an industrial-organizational psychologist. Although the book is primarily about psychopaths in the corporate world, it contains important information for anyone who is dealing with one of these predators. Chapters 3 and 4 explain how psychopaths manipulate their victims, and it's absolutely chilling. Hare and Babiak describe a three-phase process psychopaths use in their parasitic approach to life. This isn't a process psychopaths have to plan, they do it naturally. Here's how it goes, according to the authors: First, they assess the …

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