Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Emilie": I won't go into the long, boring details of my 7+ year relationship with the sociopath that invaded my life. It's the same basic story as always and plus, I think there's some kind of email size limit. :) Ever since I ended the engagement over 3 years ago, and finally terminated the relationship itself another year after, I've made comments (in a lighthearted, self deprecating fashion) that, "if you're going to treat me like crap, then I'm the girl for you!" Yes, it gets chuckles from the people I'm around, but sadly it's true. I was watching a movie last night and was judging the characters on …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: After the sociopath, life gets good again
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a reader whom we'll call "Cherylann." I am really not sure where to start. My family and those closest to me refer to him as ”˜madman,' ”˜the beast'”¦ or as my brother put it, I married a cardboard box. I never realized he had no feelings for me or anyone but himself until maybe 2 years into our divorce proceedings. I am not known for my writing abilities and this is difficult to do; not because of the subject matter but because there is just so much that I could share about those 11 years that I was with him. I am not sure how to put it in the most ”˜readable' manner. Anyway, here goes. Not love at first sight Let me just sta …
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Ending My Relationship With a Sociopath: Separation and Manipulation
By Quinn Pierce Shattering the Illusion Once I learned that my husband was a sociopath, it was a lot like looking at one of those Magic Eye puzzles that don't look like anything except random, tiny shapes and then, suddenly, a three dimensional image appears out of nowhere. Unfortunately, this lead to the realization that my entire marriage was an optical illusion covering up a very scary reality. And once the illusion was shattered, I felt like I was living with a stranger who was capable of harming my children and me in ways I hadn't even realized. However, I also learned that separating from a sociopath and, subsequently, divorcing one is not any easier than living with one. W …
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Married To A Sociopath: Effects of Abuse on Children
When my husband and I separated after fifteen years of marriage, I felt as though all I did was answer question after question from everyone I encountered. But, there was one question that stood out among all the others, and it continues to replay in my head, even today. “Did you know your son was being emotionally and verbally abused by his father?” A Mother Seeking Help This was asked by a health care professional in the psychology department of the children's emergency hospital. My son had been in a severe depression for months, and I felt as though he was entering crisis mode. So, at the suggestion of our pediatrician, I drove my son to the hospital. I didn't tell anyone I was goin …
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Divorcing A Sociopath: Finding Strength, Acceptance, and Healing
by Quinn Pierce Today, after a trip to the psychologist with my children, I watched my ex-husband run to open the door for a very pregnant woman who looked extremely tired in the day's intense heat. She immediately broke out into a grateful smile, her whole body relaxed, and I could see the combination of the cool air conditioning and the sweet gesture of this gentleman turned her whole day around. But for me, it was like watching a car accident in slow motion. I was all at once sick and mesmerized by what I saw. I know it doesn't sound like much of an incident to cause such a reaction, but it was so typical, and predictable, and”¦calculated. And that's when I realized why it …
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Dating again after the sociopath
Lovefraud received the following email from the reader who posts as "Saskgirl:" I must say that your website is a lifesaver. It has helped me recover from a devastating relationship with a sociopath. It is amazing how many stories I read on your site and can totally identify with them. The people could be talking about the piece of garbage I was tangled up with. I have been single for about a year and a half and have spent a lot of that time healing and working on me. I am ready to start dating (I think) but I'm afraid that it will be disastrous for me. I was so emotionally wrecked that I'm terrified of being there again. I don't trust anyone and believe that just about every thing …
The Sociopath, Divorce and Small Steps to Recovery
By Quinn Pierce I have always been the type of writer who prefers notebooks and pencils to computer screens and keyboards. As someone who writes daily, I have quite a collection of notebooks, and my pencils can be found in every room of the house. Sometimes, I go through old notebooks in an attempt to recycle unused pages, and inadvertently, I end up recycling old memories, as well. Revisiting the Past Often, it's the emotional equivalent of cleaning out my closet. It's an opportunity to see how far I've come in the aftermath of my marriage and divorce, and it gives me a chance to let go of some misconceptions about myself and my ex-husband that I have since outgrown. But, once in a …
Sociopaths change how we look at the world
Most of us grow up believing that all people are created equal, that human beings are basically good, and everybody wants to be loved. These are the messages we learn in school, in church, and in the age of political correctness, from the media. These beliefs are the lenses through which we view the world and the people in it. Our beliefs influence how we perceive and understand the behavior of those we meet. And, for about 90 percent of the population, the beliefs work just fine. Bad treatment Then we realize that someone in our life isn't treating us well. We may think this person is reacting to our behavior, that we're doing something to provoke anger or elicit criticism after …
The sociopath, dogs and manipulation
Editor's note: The following another essay by the Lovefraud reader Quinn Pierce, who writes under a pseudonym. By Quinn Pierce The first thing I did when my husband and I moved into our first home together was adopt a puppy. I had grown up with many pets, and I can't remember a time when I didn't have a dog. I always felt dogs made a home more complete. So, I was thrilled when Ellie, a Border Collie, Golden Retriever mix arrived at my door step, literally. At the time, I was working as a veterinary technician. I had graduated from college in May, gotten married the following fall, and decided to explore my childhood dream of becoming a veterinarian. One morning, when I arrived at the …
Leaving the sociopath, applying for food stamps
Editor's note: The following essay is by a Lovefraud reader who writes under a pseudonym. By Quinn Pierce This isn't exactly the interview I had prepared for. As a matter of fact, this wasn't an interview I even knew how to prepare for. All I knew was that somewhere along the way, my life had taken a detour without any warning. Looking back, it's almost embarrassing how many warning signs there actually were, but in context, they were seemingly harmless acts that built up over time to construct the house of cards my life had become. But I didn't want to think about that at the moment, all I wanted was to get this over with, and go home. The waiting room was the perfect compliment to …