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Recovery from a sociopath

5 steps to recovery from the sociopath (they’re not fast or easy, but the healing is real)

Finally, you realize what is wrong with your romantic partner: He or she is a sociopath.

Finally, the behavior that was so confusing makes sense. The person you loved, and who you thought loved you, has a personality disorder. Now you realize that anything your partner told you could have been a lie. Now you know why your partner could be so cruel, then tell you how much he or she loved you, practically in the same breath. Now you realize that there never was any love, that your entire relationship was exploitation, and nothing more.

My experience with my narc ex boyfriend

Left my ex since almost 4 years now, the hell I went through with him, it’s a miracle I’m still here.

Even though I’ve left he still pops up here and there doing the hoovering manuever, which is well known for borderline narcs. He would use the silent treatment on me and it drove me crazy as at that time. I had no idea about the narcissistic personality disorder one can have.

When am I going to stop being angry?

Mary Ann GlynnBy Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, CHT

After being in a relationship with a sociopath, clients are often conflicted by the idea of forgiveness as recommended by their faith system (I checked and all the world’s major religions admonish to forgive) as opposed to the perpetual anger they feel. As therapists, we never pressure someone who has been abused to forgive their perpetrator, because we don’t want to minimize the impact of that abuse. While someone is moving through the emotions of healing from abuse and trauma, they are going to experience quite a bit of anger, even rage, which can hang around for a long time.

If you feel an emotional void, the sociopath will step right in

I received email from a woman whom we’ll call Adriana:

I am told I am a very beautiful, intelligent, fun, woman, but that is all subjective. I am 61 years old but pass for late 40’s; good genes. I have been divorced for 10 years and engaged once during that time. I have dated so many men and feel that I have no purpose because I can’t find “him.” I don’t find most men attractive don’t have chemistry with them and I don’t want to settle. I have not been successful in love at all and have tried to look within myself to see my faults but the truth is I just want to love and be loved.

When women ‘of a certain age’ meet sociopaths

Photo by Free Digital Images.

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman whom we’ll call “Annamaria17.” Donna Andersen responds below.

I met the SP in 2006 and he was a supervisor for electric utility company where I live. Due to a power outage he was the Environmental Rep and came to my home.  He had just moved here from out of state and I immediately fell for him.  We had lunch the next day and that was when I found out he was married.  Unhappily of course.

7 steps to breaking emotional ties with a sociopath

If you’re like most people who read Lovefraud, you may know, or suspect, that the person who is creating havoc in your life is a sociopath. Whether the offending individual is a romantic partner, parent, another family member or a friend, he or she checks all, or most of, the boxes of the sociopath checklist.

You know the individual is bad for your emotional and psychological health, your wallet, and perhaps your safety. Still, you may struggle to break free.

Sometimes there are financial or legal issues that make it difficult to escape. But often the ties that bind are emotional.

3 Steps to begin dating again after the sociopath

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A reader posted the following comment on Lovefraud’s Facebook page:

“This website helps me too, but now, as I venture into the world of dating again, I find that my past is terrible hindrance. So difficult. Any advice gratefully received. Just want to be happy.”

Many times I’ve been asked, “After what your con artist ex-husband did to you, can you ever trust again?” Yes I can. I do. I am remarried, and I am happier now than I’ve ever been, in fact, I’m much happier than I ever was before the sociopath.

Dear Friend: Please do not take back your sociopathic partner

Photo by David Castillo Dominici

Editor’s note: This is the letter that everyone who has broken up with a sociopathic partner should receive. (It refers to the sociopath as “he,” but the sociopath can also be “she.”)

Dear Friend,

We’ve known each other for a long time. We’ve been there for each other through thick and thin. I care about you, even though I haven’t been able to spend much time with you recently — ever since he came into your life.

I heard that the two of you have broken up. I’m thrilled.

10 tips to start dating again after leaving a sociopath

We are allowed to recover from the trauma of a relationship with a sociopath. We are allowed to move on. In fact, if we don’t move on, if we don’t take our lives back, we are still in the trauma. It is healthy to put an end to it.

A reporter was writing an article and sent out a query: “How do you know when to trust “your man”? I believe the answer is you can trust your man (or woman) when you can trust yourself.

Of course, that is exactly what many of us who had multiple run-ins with sociopaths and other bad actors struggle with. How do we know that we’re no longer sending out the “I’m a victim” vibes?

To parents who have children with a sociopathic partner: There is hope

Photo by Photostock at Free Digital Images.net

Photo by Photostock at Free Digital Images.net

Editor’s note: This story was contributed by the Lovefraud reader who posts under the name “Getting There.”

I am guessing my story has many similarities to other victims of a sociopath. I fell in love with a façade. Charming, witty, so attentive, madly in love, a whirlwind intense romance followed by a long slow cruel erosion of my personality. By the time I plucked up the courage to finish the relationship some 13 years later, we had 2 children, a daughter and a son. I was convinced that everything was my fault, I was mad and a terrible human being. For months and months, I chanted a mantra, ‘ This is not all my fault. There were 2 people in our relationship. Life will get better!’ This helped.

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