Recovery from a sociopath

Complex PTSD from relationships with sociopaths

Photo by Merelize at FreeRange Stock Photos.

You’re pretty sure that you’re involved with a sociopath, but you feel helpless to do anything about it. You’re afraid of conflict and you feel a sense of paralyzing shame and loneliness.

You berate yourself for not being able to make a decision and get out. But your issue may not be a character flaw — indecision, helplessness and shame are all symptoms of complex PTSD (C-PTSD).

According to Dr. Karin Huffer, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a psychiatric injury caused by feeling helpless while in jeopardy. It is generally associated with a single traumatic episode, such a car crash, earthquake or sexual assault, or with combat and the atrocities … Read more

Why can’t I leave? 5 years with a malignant narcissist

letter to lovefraudI was in a 5 year relationship with a malignant narc.  When I first laid eyes on him, I was infatuated!! But he was married, and I don’t mess with married men.  

A few years later I ran into him and he was single, so I asked him out and the rest is history. Our first date he took me to a party in the middle of nowhere, and left me sit there all night by myself.  I should have run at that moment and never looked back. Then we went back to his house and had sex, yes on the first date!!! A few weeks later, he made it official that we were a couple, and I Read more

How to date after a narcissist, sociopath or other exploiter

Dating after the narcissist

When you’re thinking about starting to date after a narcissist, sociopath or other exploiter, the last thing you need to hear is some so-called expert telling you to fix your low self-esteem.

I just read an article on PsychCentral, and the author says the reason you attracted a narcissist in the first place is because you lack confidence.

Hello?? I, for one, was not lacking in self-esteem when my sociopathic ex waltzed into my life. I’ve heard from plenty of successful, accomplished men and women who also found themselves in relationships with disordered individuals. Self-esteem is not the issue.

So what is the issue? Actually there are three:

  1. Lack of awareness

We fall for sociopaths (Lovefraud’s umbrella term … Read more

Video: After they’re gone, do sociopaths or narcissists return?

The sociopath is gone. Either you were dumped, or you finally threw him or her out. Now what? After they’re gone, do sociopaths or narcissists return?

You may feel like you’re in shock, especially if your sociopathic partner abruptly discarded you, after days, months, or perhaps even years of saying that you were meant for each other.

Or perhaps you finally got up the nerve to end the involvement. Your partner is gone, but your resolve is unsteady. What if he or she showed up again? Can you stand strong?

I address these questions in the newest Lovefraud Lessons video: Do sociopaths return? I explain why sociopaths may return, and what you should do.

To learn more … Read more

To survive a sociopath, we sometimes act like a sociopath

act like a sociopathI almost didn’t recognize myself. There I was, plotting with my cheating husband’s mistress to steal money from his bank account.

Before I married James Montgomery, I never would have considered such an action.  But after he convinced me to blow $227,000 on his ridiculous business schemes, and after I discovered that my entire marriage was a scam, I was angry, broke and desperate. I did what I had to do to survive a sociopath (although at the time, I didn’t know he was a sociopath).

Maybe because of your own entanglement with a sociopath, you’ve found yourself doing things that you never, ever did before. This happened to “Stevie2018,” who just posted her story in the Lovefraud Read more

19 New Year’s resolutions to help you recover from narcissistic abuse

recover from narcissistic abuse

The New Year is always a good time for new beginnings. If your wish for the New Year is to heal from a destructive relationship with a sociopath and recover from the narcissistic abuse that you endured, here are 19 resolutions to help you in 2019.

1 . I will have No Contact with the sociopath — I will not call, text or send email, and I certainly won’t meet him/her in person.

2. If the sociopath contacts me, I will not respond.

3. I will not try to get information about the sociopath from others.

4. I will not follow or stalk the sociopath on social media.

5. I will remember that anything the sociopath says … Read more

Three miserable Christmases with the sociopath, and how to heal from the memories

James Montgomery and Donna Andersen at Christmas, 1996.

I spent three Christmases with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. Every one of them was stressful, unhappy, worrisome and bereft of joyful holiday spirit.

Christmas 1996

We had known each other for five months. We’d already had a secret wedding in Australia with his friends and family. For friends and family in New Jersey, we were planning another wedding in January, complete with bridesmaids, a fancy reception for 60 guests and a six-piece band. Montgomery had already blown through $50,000 of my money and credit, and I did not know how we were going to pay for the wedding. And shortly before Christmas Montgomery pressured me into leasing a … Read more

Find healing from the sociopath in the holiday spirit

Terry Kelly and Donna Andersen in front of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Plaza, New York City.

For the first time in our 17 years together, my husband, Terry Kelly, and I, visited New York City during the holiday season. It was far more magical than I anticipated.

At the Birdland jazz club, we saw David and the Bombshells, a retro, 1930s-style band with three female singers (the Bombshells). Then, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, we saw 20-foot Christmas tree surrounded by a gorgeous, 18th-century Nativity Creche. After that, we visited the Christmas tree Rockefeller Plaza — a 72-foot tall Norway spruce decorated with thousands of LED lights.

Then came the best part — the … Read more

The sociopath as your soul mate

A few years ago, I read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, which was the #1 New York Times bestseller when it was published in 2007. Gilbert tells her story of supposedly having everything career, marriage, home yet feeling depressed and unhappy. She left it all, got a divorce, and then spent a year abroad to find herself. She ate her way through Italy, studied spiritual practice in India, and sought to balance pleasure and divinity in Indonesia.

While going through her divorce, Gilbert had a relationship with a man whom she calls “David.” This didn’t seem to be a sociopathic relationship, just normally dysfunctional. Although they broke up, Gilbert, from time to time, pined for David. Her … Read more

Dr. Laura Rubiales: Addressing fatigue after a social predator

By Laura Rubiales, ND, LAc

If you find yourself drained and tired after an experience or relationship with a social predator, these are my suggestions: Cut all ties with them and those with whom you will get the social predator’s garbage. Try to reach some kind of emotional neutrality about the situation so you are not giving them your mental and emotional energy anymore. A skilled therapist can be invaluable in this process.

I understand that this is much easier said than done when the predator was an intimate partner or affected your safety in the world. See if you can revitalize yourself with activities that recharge and soothe you…. Mine are yoga classes, time in nature, naps, … Read more

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