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Recovery from a sociopath

5 stages of endurance to help you recover from the sociopath

Sociopaths do terrible things to us. I hear so many painful stories from Lovefraud readers — perhaps you have a similar experience:

  • You may have had your heart shattered into a million pieces
  • You may have lost your home, your job and all your money
  • You may have suffered physical assault, illness, and emotional or psychological breakdown
  • You who have lost your children, because the sociopaths got custody, poisoned the kids’ minds, or both
  • You may who have lost years of your life, time that can never be replaced

After getting rid of one sociopath, another sociopath shows up

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I’ve heard from multiple Lovefraud readers over the years who were annoyed, angry, horrified. These readers had finally realized what they were dealing with—a sociopath. They extricated themselves from the relationships and had no further contact with the disordered individuals. And what happened? Another sociopath came into their lives.

The readers asked: What is going on? Why can’t they leave me alone? Am I a sociopath magnet?

The answer is, not necessarily. Following are some observations to add perspective to the situation.

Millions of sociopaths

These disordered individuals are everywhere. As long as we’re living on this planet, we face the possibility of running into them.

Grooming: How the religious and cultural ideas of my childhood conditioned me to accept pain and abuse

When I said that “god was my first abuser,” at our regular meeting of Parents of Sexually Abused Children, no one sucked in their breath or exhibited shock. A tough group, no one even blinked an eye.

That week’s topic, “Grooming” was assigned by Aidan, our lead Social Worker who, while she listened to us, liked to re-shape lifeless paper clips into unconventional characters that she’d stand up on an enormous art canvas she’d been creating for years and years.

12 Reasons to forgive yourself for falling for the sociopath

Photo by Merelize at FreeRange Stock Photos.

Once I figured out that my entire relationship was a scam, the person I was most angry with was myself. I really beat myself up. Why did I fall for the lies? Why was I such a chump?

Sound familiar?

Since my disastrous experience with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, one of the most important things that I’ve learned about tangling with sociopaths is that we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves for believing them.

We are not stupid. We are normal, empathetic people who didn’t stand a chance against skilled predators, and here’s a dozen reasons why:

The sociopathic betrayal is not your life — it is an incident in your life

Highly sensitive peopleMany Lovefraud readers experience the phenomenon of “losing yourself” in the sociopathic relationship. Before meeting the sociopath, you may have been, for the most part, happy, confident, successful and financially stable. You had a network of people who cared about you. Yes, there was some kind of vulnerability—perhaps you were a bit lonely—and the sociopath used the vulnerability to infiltrate your life. But, for the most part, you were okay.

Then, either suddenly or slowly, your life disintegrated, and the problems you face are so immense, and so interconnected, and so overwhelming, that you don’t know where to begin unraveling them. You don’t have the energy to start. Rather than the happy and confident person you once were, you are anxious, depressed and fearful. You don’t know how you are going to survive.

After the Sociopath, Find the Gift in Your Pain

Editor’s note: This article refers to spiritual concepts. For more information, read Lovefraud’s statement on spiritual recovery.

By Waleuska Lazo 

So here I was grieving, crying and feeling sorry for myself. I had stayed in a situation that was not healthy for my life. Yet I stayed because avoiding that pain was a stronger emotion than facing it. The truth is I was too scared to feel pain. I was too scared to feel the absence of not having ‘that someone’ next to me. What I did not realize was that I was already facing the pain that came as a daily dose of poison. At first, you are unaware of it. It comes camouflaged with little lies and lack of affection. The doses increased with indiscretions and lack of safety.

Bikers protect kids who must testify against abusers

Guardians of the Children is a biker organization that protects victims of child abuse. When a child must testify agains an abuser in court, the bikers escort the child to the courthouse, keep the child surrounded, and sit in the courtroom during the testimony. Their actions make the children feel protected.

This organization is based in San Antonio, Texas, and has chapters in 20 states. I would like to see them everywhere.

More information:

Guardians of the Children

What I learned about trauma from my dog

Bo in my office. His tail is blurry because he is wagging it.

My husband and I adopted a five-year-old rescue dog, Bo, in July of 2016. I wrote about him when we brought him home, which you can read here:

My new dog offers a lesson in letting go, on Lovefraud.com.

Bo has been living us for over a year now, and he is an absolute joy. When I’m working, Bo usually spends the day snoozing on his cushion on the floor beside me. His internal clock tells him when it’s time for his walk, and he gets all excited — he loves going out. Who is he going to meet this time? Bo wants to approach every human, dog and even an occasional cat that happens to be along his route.

How being devastated by the sociopath helped me find love

Donna Andersen and Terry Kelly married on February 12, 2005. We are still happy and in love.

In the course of our two-and-a-half-year relationship, my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, took $227,000 from me, cheated with at least six women, had a child with one of the women, and then, 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed bigamy.

Once I learned the truth about his behavior, and realized the depth of his deception, I was totally, completely, crushed. But if I hadn’t been shattered by the sociopath, I would not have been able to love as I do now.

5 steps to recovery from the sociopath (they’re not fast or easy, but the healing is real)

Finally, you realize what is wrong with your romantic partner: He or she is a sociopath.

Finally, the behavior that was so confusing makes sense. The person you loved, and who you thought loved you, has a personality disorder. Now you realize that anything your partner told you could have been a lie. Now you know why your partner could be so cruel, then tell you how much he or she loved you, practically in the same breath. Now you realize that there never was any love, that your entire relationship was exploitation, and nothing more.

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