How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: To she who has a child with the sociopath from the “other woman”

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Editor's Note: The Lovefraud reader "bodicasway" recently sent in the following note. It's a message she wishes she could send to the former partner of the sociopath that she was involved with. I have been thinking lately about the woman who puts up with this spath because they have a child together, because she let him move back into property next door to her, because she sees what he's up to all the time ”¦ because I was involved with him as were countless other women. Right under her nose. Dear Friend, I know that you've seen countless women come and go right under your window, right outside the door of your own home. I can only imagine how that must feel for you, how that must rake yo …

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Letters to Lovefraud: I could no longer share my life with someone who lacked a conscience and integrity

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by Lovefraud reader DonnaC. Other names in this letter have been changed. Below is a letter my former husband wrote shortly after I had told him that our marriage was over. He spent two weeks trying to convince me to give him time to ”˜once again' prove he could be the man he was meant to be. When we married 11 years earlier he was handsome, successful and fun. We met after my loveless first marriage. I was a happy outgoing person but he knew about my withdrawn ex husband and so it was easy to ”˜love bomb' me. I found his confidence, energy and zest for life intoxicating. There were the expected adjustments to our new married life, and …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Psychopathic professor abuses his position as mentor

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Rhona.” I've had no contact since April 21, 2013. My last direct contact was an email I sent him. In that letter, I stated what I knew to be true about our "relationship." I didn't send it to provoke future contact in fact I said at the end I would not read another email from him but instead sent it to acknowledge and assert my intelligence and my awareness that he had used my good nature against me, as well as to establish some agency of my own by openly regarding his constructed narrative about our experience as fictionalized and controlling. Since sending that letter and ending contact, I've exp …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: He loves, he proposes, he gets money, he abandons

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Editor's Note: This Letter to Lovefraud was submitted by a reader from Italy whom we'll call "Alessia." It all started a year and a half ago when I went through a huge crisis with my life that led me to make a decision to simply leave everything and go out of my country (Italy) on a long luxury vacation of four months. Knowing my destination from a past visit, and based on past decision to make this destination my second home, part of my plan was to buy a house on the beach in this four-month period. Arriving to my destination I didn't waste a second. I made a contact to real estate agency and asked to view some houses. Searching for real estate They sent me a 70+ year old real estate …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: What I learned after being targeted by a female psychopath

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was sent in by a reader whom we'll call Aaron. This is part personal narrative and part informed amateur psychology suggestion. I am writing this because of my own traumatic experience and the need I believe for men to know what they may be dealing with. As most discussion and research involves male psychopaths there has only been recent dialogue on the female version. The most well-known writings on psychopathy have involved male prison populations, most notably by leading expert Dr. Robert Hare, and the notoriety of serial killers (Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy and others) and have not touched on those in the general population and specifically female …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Every day was an absolute psychological torture

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Editor's Note: This letter was sent in by a European Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Lizbeth.” I had a relationship with a psychopath when I was young and naive. He completely wrecked my life. At that time I was a 20 year-old University student.  I was not stupid, but I still fell for his con. He was a few years older and already graduated from University. Every day was an absolute psychological torture. He completely humiliated me every day for utter nonsense. For instance, if I was ten minutes late, it would be a complete fall out. Or I would take a Spanish course, well that was the end of it, since I did not ask his permission to do so. Worst of all, nobody supported me. Mom fell f …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: She played the hot and cold game

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Editor's Note: This letter was sent in by Lovefraud reader "truelove." Wow where to start. I am in my 40s and started dating a girl in her late 20s back in April 2013. I had met her a couple years ago and thought she was a nice, caring person. We started dating and things got hot and heavy really fast. It was like a fun roller coaster ride, but little did I realize she had plans to purposely make it jump the tracks once I was most vulnerable and hooked. Taking control She played the hot and cold game with me from the beginning.  I was hurt by it but always went back to her when she wanted to see me. She was taking control of the relationship at this point through manipulating my …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: How to discourage the psychopath in your life

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Editor's note: The following was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "LouAnn." She had no choice but to deal with a psychopath. 1.    Psychopaths need stimulation. They like “fireworks.” Don't give it to them. Either do not respond to them at all, or give them very calm, professional responses. This is called “non-reward” and it will become much less fun to bully you. 2.    When you do respond, respond slowly. Psychopaths need instant gratification. Making them wait for your response is not fun or stimulating for them. 3.    Consider not telling them about the damage they have done. They may be secretly finding glee from hurting you if they are in revenge mode, or may find satisf …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I learned that I am strong and extremely capable

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Editor's Note: Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of "Dark Souls Healing and recovering from toxic relationships." By Sarah Strudwick It has been nearly four years since I sold my house as a result of what happened with the man I call “Oliver” in my book. Occasionally I still get the odd email from readers who tell me how much the book has helped them. At the time of selling our family home I wasn't sure whether it would be possible to have a stable financial future ever again. With a pile of debts looming and two properties that were literally falling apart I certainly didn't know what my future would hold. Like most people, I've fallen down before but it certainly wasn't at …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How do you learn to trust again?

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Editor's note: This letter was sent in from Lovefraud reader wandergirl7. While reading through a magazine on "how to write" I came upon a phrase that completely caught my interest. "If it didn't have to be pretty, what would you write?" Life isn't all peaches and cream and your writing shouldn't be either. It is often quoted that what happens in your life, especially the incidents that cause you hurt, loss and pain, are lessons. Do things really happen for a reason? What is the reason and who is arranging the scenes? Yes, you could be in the wrong place at the wrong time or the other way around, the right place. Luck could fall upon you. Disaster strikes! There are no simplified answers. …

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