Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. When you've been entangled with sociopaths for a long period of time, few (if any) facets of your life are left untouched.  Becoming a person of faith has shown me how deeply my upbringing has permeated my adult life. My sociopathic parents controlled my every move - dictating when I could bathe, eat, or sleep, what I could read, who I could be friends with (if any), what music I could listen to, what I could watch on TV.  Depending on how volatile their mood was, I'd have to ask permission to speak. In her book Trauma and Recovery, Judith Herman states "The dam …
Tell Me About Yourself!
This request always left me at a loss for words. It made me really uncomfortable. Most of the time I would just state basic facts: the city I grew up in, where I went to school, what my profession is.  I wasn't trying to be unfriendly.......I honestly had no idea how to answer this. I only recently realized why this was so difficult for me. When you are raised by psychopaths, or in a relationship with a psychopath, the lines between their life and yours get blurred. They swallow you up like a sinkhole. Your desires, feelings, goals and interests no longer matter. If the psychopath likes something, you'd better find a way to like it too. If they think something is ridiculous, you'd …
The Sociopath as Coach
So I married and divorced a sociopath, but we're connected at the hip for life because we share three children. (It's been sixteen years so far.) And last year, he sued for full custody of two of them. The boys. We're still in court today, trying to work out the details of that. Because despite all the issues I've experienced in the family court system since 2007, in this instance the professionals involved did (finally) manage to ask why we're back in court and why I should lose custody. My ex had his full list of reasons, but man, I've been fighting back. Which means defending myself as a parent. Sending photographs to the guardian of the kids and I—since birth.  Reminding them …
The Sociopath Creates a Dream
If you've been romanced by a sociopath, you know how remarkable it can be. In the first moments—the courting phase. In the time when you felt more desirable and more perfectly matched than ever before in your life. The time you fell in love. I wrote about my own sociopathic romance in The Other Side of Charm. And it was really hard for me after fifteen years of bad to go back to the good. It was more than hard. I cried a lot while writing about my early days with my ex, holing myself up in my house during any spare moment to write and to cry into the loneliness. And even though I've written it all out by now, I still cry if I talk about it. If someone asks what it was like. I cry b …
Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW: Remorse Revisited
By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, located in Bernardsville, New Jersey Partners in our support group are often confused by the fact that after a verbal outburst, physical abuse, or once the ruse is up, sociopaths may seem remorseful. They might see the consequence of their actions, may even cry and be emotional, or apologetic. There might be efforts to change by more responsive or caring behaviors. If the relationship gets pushed to the breaking point, they may engage in therapy. Most partners' experience the sociopath in therapy as completely blaming everything on them and/or trying to control the therapy sessions. But, some had a different, more perplexing experience. Their experience was that the …
Walking In My Shoes: Looking Back Over My Marriage to a Sociopath
by Quinn Pierce Not-So-Spring Cleaning Since my divorce, I have done so much "spring cleaning" of my life, that I've given myself a pass on actually cleaning anything this year. Â And, as the ice melts away, I will sit idly by with a cup of tea and admire the dust as it collects on my winter clothes that remain taking up precious space in my closet. The truth is, I don't have all that many clothes left, especially since I went through several cycles of gaining and losing weight during the end of my marriage and my divorce. Â I chose to give away anything that didn't fit as I cleaned and sorted out my home, and my life, at the time. Â It probably was a subconscious act on my part to di …
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Tools of a Sociopath: Using the Silent Treatment to Manipulate and Control
by Quinn Pierce A Stifling Silence One of my ex-husband's favorite tools of manipulation was the silent treatment. On the surface, it seemed like a childish ploy to get what he wanted, but in reality, the silent treatment is a behavior abusers use to attack their partner's vulnerability and self-esteem in order to exert control. I can clearly see now that my ex-husband took plenty of  time in the beginning of our relationship to assess how I would react to the silent treatment. It is a skill he practiced and perfected along the way, until the greatest impact was achieved. A sociopath won't risk losing the relationship, so it was a complicated game he played to keep me off-balance, b …
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Tracking the False Tears of a Sociopath
by Quinn Pierce A Repeat Performance I looked around the room trying to assess the damage. With each tear that fell, I could sense a shift in the room. All I could think was, “Oh great, how can I possible convince this entire group of people that this is an act? These tears are not real!  These words do not mean anything!  He will leave here and continue to abuse and harass this child he cries for right now!" Instead, I said nothing.  Such is the reality of having married and divorced a sociopath. It's a never ending struggle to maintain my composure when faced with lies, manipulation, deceit, and of course, his repeat performance as the consummate victim. Minimizing Conflict …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: He loves, he proposes, he gets money, he abandons
Editor's Note: This Letter to Lovefraud was submitted by a reader from Italy whom we'll call "Alessia." It all started a year and a half ago when I went through a huge crisis with my life that led me to make a decision to simply leave everything and go out of my country (Italy) on a long luxury vacation of four months. Knowing my destination from a past visit, and based on past decision to make this destination my second home, part of my plan was to buy a house on the beach in this four-month period. Arriving to my destination I didn't waste a second. I made a contact to real estate agency and asked to view some houses. Searching for real estate They sent me a 70+ year old real estate …
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Co-Parenting With a Sociopath: Helping My Children Navigate Through the Lies
by Quinn Pierce A Confused and Anxious Child My younger son recently returned home from his father's house looking visibly distressed and anxious. As we began asking what was wrong, the ever increasing list of possibilities began running through my mind. I could tell these visits were taking a toll on my son, but he is not yet at the point where he can stand up for himself to his father. My older son, however, mastered that skill earlier this year, and it has been a source of contention for my ex-husband ever since. And so, when my son started to explain what transpired the night before, it was no surprise to the rest of us as we listened. Apparently, someone asked a seemingly in …
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