Editor's note: Joyce M. Short is the author of a just released book, “Carnal Abuse by Deceit.” The book chronicles her life with a predator, the subsequent aftermath and her road to recovery. It also provides advice for victims and their supporters, and discusses the issues surrounding criminalization of rape-by-fraud. By Joyce M. Short Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all had our "ah-hah" moment and could simply turn off the faucet on our feelings? Unfortunately, the chemistry in our brains won't let us do so. And, instead, we rehash all the upsetting moments thinking about what we “coulda,” “woulda, “ “shoulda,” done. I know I wasted years thinking about how I could change his opinions and g …
Divorcing a Sociopath: Redefining Possessions
by Quinn Pierce What's Yours Is Mine... When teaching preschoolers, it can be very entertaining to watch the children interact according to the inherent set of rules set forth by this age group. This list of rules may be long, but the rules themselves are very simple: If it's mine, it's mine If it's yours, it's mine If I like it, it's mine If I think it's mine, it's mine If I can take it from you, it's mine If it's broken, it's your fault”¦and so on. Everything Is His Possession Interestingly, this is the same set of rules that my ex-husband applied to our divorce. It became very clear that he considered every object in his life a possession, including people, and he was enti …
Continually picking at the ‘psychopathic scab’ won’t give the wound a chance to heal
Editor's Note: Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of “Dark Souls Healing and recovering from toxic relationships.” By Sarah Strudwick heal verb \ˈhÄ“l\ : to become healthy or well again : to make (someone or something) healthy or well again This week I had to have two teeth out, which turned out to be pretty painful. I also ended up with an infection. I've had wisdom teeth out before many years ago but didn't necessarily want to remind myself of how uncomfortable it was. Despite the pain and infection, I know in time the gums will heal, albeit they may feel and look a little different after. We get hurt When we fall in love or become victim to a psychopath, often ou …
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Co-Parenting with a Sociopath Should Make the List of the Most Difficult Jobs in the World
by Quinn Pierce Recently, I came across a list of the most difficult jobs in the world. The top contenders included: U. S. President, UN Negotiator, Prison Warden, and Air Traffic Controller, to name a few. I don't argue that these are extremely stressful and challenging career choices, but I believe there is one that should have made the list, even if it isn't officially considered a career, and requires financial, emotional, and psychological debt rather than income: Co-Parenting with a Sociopath. A Daily Challenge As if parenting isn't challenging enough, trying to navigate the crazy-making, drama-filled world of a sociopath who has the ability to influence and harm your children …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Every day was an absolute psychological torture
Editor's Note: This letter was sent in by a European Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Lizbeth.” I had a relationship with a psychopath when I was young and naive. He completely wrecked my life. At that time I was a 20 year-old University student. I was not stupid, but I still fell for his con. He was a few years older and already graduated from University. Every day was an absolute psychological torture. He completely humiliated me every day for utter nonsense. For instance, if I was ten minutes late, it would be a complete fall out. Or I would take a Spanish course, well that was the end of it, since I did not ask his permission to do so. Worst of all, nobody supported me. Mom fell f …
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Recovering from the Lingering Effects of a Sociopath
by Quinn Pierce One of my least favorite activities is walking through the women's fragrance department at the mall. I always reach the other side of the store trying to hold my breath while fighting the impending headache and dizziness that always follows. By the time I get home, I feel as though every area of my environment has been saturated; the scent lingers on my clothes, in my car, in my hair”¦ It is with similar annoyance that I recognize the clinging traces of my ex-husband's sociopathic behaviors in my own responses to current situations. For instance, throughout my relationship, my ex-husband often criticized or attacked my decisions and actions that were independent of his …
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Why sociopaths keep showing up
A Lovefraud reader recently sent me the following question: I seem to only attract what I believe are sociopaths into my life even when I am not trying to find anyone. I feel as if they find me and try to befriend me. Is there some kind of an explanation for this? This reader posts as "Sam." Last year I published her story as a "Letter to Lovefraud." The explanation for her current experience is in her story. Please read it: I have no further use to him and I am being disposed of Sam's story is absolutely tragic. Here is what happened to her: She witnessed domestic violence from a very young age. She left home before she turned 15. She suffered from depression. Her …
Failed Attempts at Marriage Counseling with a Sociopath
by Quinn Pierce I sat in the small, tastefully furnished room and listened to the tick”¦tick”¦tick of the clock. I had long since stopped listening to the conversation going on around me. This was not the way it was supposed to be. I stepped into the psychologist's office less than a half hour earlier full of optimism and hope. Unfortunately, I was, once again, realizing how naive I had been. An Insincere Effort For nearly a year, I had been begging and pleading with my (then) husband to come to marriage counseling. Our relationship was deteriorating a a rate that was destined for destruction. He always supported me and the children going to counseling, so I was amazed when he a …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: She played the hot and cold game
Editor's Note: This letter was sent in by Lovefraud reader "truelove." Wow where to start. I am in my 40s and started dating a girl in her late 20s back in April 2013. I had met her a couple years ago and thought she was a nice, caring person. We started dating and things got hot and heavy really fast. It was like a fun roller coaster ride, but little did I realize she had plans to purposely make it jump the tracks once I was most vulnerable and hooked. Taking control She played the hot and cold game with me from the beginning. I was hurt by it but always went back to her when she wanted to see me. She was taking control of the relationship at this point through manipulating my …
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BOOK REVIEW: Living and Loving After Betrayal
I've been looking for a book to help you heal from the devastating betrayal of a sociopath. I finally found it. Living and Loving After Betrayal How to Heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity, and Chronic Resentment, by Steven Stosny, Ph.D., is the best explanation I've ever read of how betrayal affects you emotionally and psychologically, and how to recover from it. In fact, I am so impressed with this book that we are now carrying it in the Lovefraud bookstore. Why it hurts Stosny starts the book by explaining why intimate betrayal hurts so much. Love bonds developed because they were crucial to the survival of the human race. Back in caveman days, we needed to look out for …