It is the rare Saturday morning that doesn't find me and my Golden Retriever, Ellie, walking up the trail to crest the ridge of Nose Hill Park, 280 acres of rolling prairie grasses that sprawl along the northern edge of the city. This Saturday morning was no exception. Early morning. Cool air. Gentle breezes. The sky a gun metal grey blanket streaked with hopeful blue screwing up the courage to pierce the clouds and send them scuttling away. Ellie gamboled joyfully along the path, her snout quivering in anticipation of the many smells trapped in the grasses lining our path. We were alone in the gentle morning. Happy. Excited. Alive. As we walked a woman and her dog jogged towards us. …
Being vulnerable after the sociopath is gone, does not mean letting go of me
Beginnings. Endings. Closing doors and openings. Stepping into the moment I find a new moment inside, beyond the moment, opening up, expanding this moment into the next. A weekend invitation. To spend time with a friend at a mountain hide-away. We've known each other three years. We first met when I was writing a business plan for a company he was involved with. He was married. I was not interested in men, regardless of their marital status. He's since divorced. Over the past year we've grabbed a quick lunch. A coffee here. A glass of wine there. I've never thought of him as someone to date, simply a friend to share experiences with. But, a couple of weeks ago, my perceptions shifted. …
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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Have you considered exorcism as a treatment for sociopathy?
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Recently a reader wrote asking this question regarding evil and sociopaths. Have you considered exorcism as treatment for psychopaths/narcissists? I have come to firmly believe these people - even the ones under-the-radar legally- are effected/infected by evil. As a practicing Catholic, I feel as if I have been targeted specifically. I realize you do not know me and that such claims are bizarre, but I know you have called psychopathy evil-so I wonder if you have considered what can be done spiritually? There is no doubt in my mind that the Bible makes references …
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Finding value after the sociopath encounter
Finding value in all things is an integral component of healing after an encounter with a sociopath. When I look for what is good in being freed from him, I create opportunities to be surprised by the unexpected. As Oscar Wilde wrote, “to expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modern intellect.” Expecting the unexpected is not a license to let go of rational thinking. It means staying connected to intellect and allowing my intuition to guide me —- especially where people are concerned. New encounters can lead to wonder...or not When we first meet someone, we do not know who they truly are, just as they don't know who we are. New people in our lives can be the best thing that ever happe …
3 steps to leave a sociopath and start healing
It's easy to fall asleep at the wheel on the road of life. To lose consciousness under the seeming weight of sorrows, trials and tribulations pounding you into the dirt. To forget to open your eyes to the wonders passing by. Everyday living has a numbing effect on reality. However, if you're in relationship with someone who resembles the label of a sociopath, psychopath, narcissistic personality disordered or any other disorderly letter of the alphabet, it's even easier to forget who you are and where you're going. Staying awake drifts from your mind as you are drained by the numbing effect of his abuse. The deeper your drift, the further waking up races from possibility. When we're in an …
Lessons from New Orleans: How to come back after disaster strikes
In 1991, I sat at the Cafe Du Monde in New Orleans, Louisiana with my five month old daughter in a stroller. I had every reason to be happy and optimistic. I was there to present the results of my research at a scientific meeting. I was about to finish residency training and move to Connecticut for a fellowship at Yale. That trip I also visited the zoo and fell in love with the city. I promised myself I would bring my daughter back when she was old enough to really appreciate the culture and history. On our trip to the zoo, I noticed a display that described what would happen to the city in the event of a major hurricane. I don't know if it is still there. I remember thinking that nothing …
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Make your truth your reality after the sociopath is gone
A caterpillar spins its cocoon without conscious thought of why or when or how. Nature propels its spinning ways until, possibly out of sheer exhaustion, it falls asleep to dream about flying free of the cloying nature of its weave. When the time is right, its metamorphosis from one state to another is complete and a butterfly is born. We are not the caterpillar, being transformed by forces of nature beyond our control. We are human beings, doing the things that put us in control, or out of control as the case may be, of our transformation. Often, laden with our self-limiting beliefs, we resist change like a cat resists taking a bath. We claw and spit our way into reverse action, spinning …
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After the sociopath. Time passes. Love heals.
Time. It waits for no man. Nor woman. I cannot hold it in my arms. I cannot stop its inevitable course. I can only journey with it from this moment to the next. I cannot change time passing. I can change how I pass through time. Time. When in an abusive relationship, tied up in the lies of a sociopath, time was my foe. It passed in relentless pursuit of itself, while I stood still, locked into the macabre dance of his sinuously veiled truths reflected in the contortions of his lies sifting through the hourglass of time, burying me alive. With him, time passed slowly. Heavy. Ponderous. Dark. Angry waves crashing against the once impenetrable fortress of my psyche, eroding my foundation, …
ASK DR. LEEDOM: How does one ever get over the heartache of being taken by a con artist??
Con artists are a special category of sociopaths. In fact, most if not all are also psychopaths. If you were tricked by a con artist, I would say you are in good company, since all three of the authors on this blog were also fooled by con artists! This week one of our readers posted her story as a comment to ASK DR. LEEDOM: FAQ #1 “Why is this so hard for us mentally?” Her post illustrates many of the important characteristics of a con: In 1998 I was ripped off by a con artist, whom I met through a personal ad. I was going through a very serious depression at the time, and that's when I met him. He seemed like a breath of fresh air, very intelligent, different than other men I had met. He …
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Exercise to treat depression and anxiety
The trauma that a sociopath inflicts on those who love him/her can be exceptionally difficult to overcome. In the wake of a relationship with a sociopath, former partners can suffer with clinical depression, generalized anxiety, PTSD and panic disorder. All of these conditions are said to respond to SSRI antidepressants like Prozac and to psychotherapy. However, many people have written to Lovefraud.com lamenting that antidepressants and psychotherapy have not been particularly effective for them. The one good thing about a crisis is that it can be an opportunity to make major life change. I am a firm believer that it is possible to come out of a crisis better and stronger. I am also …