So I married and divorced a sociopath, but we're connected at the hip for life because we share three children. (It's been sixteen years so far.) And last year, he sued for full custody of two of them. The boys. We're still in court today, trying to work out the details of that. Because despite all the issues I've experienced in the family court system since 2007, in this instance the professionals involved did (finally) manage to ask why we're back in court and why I should lose custody. My ex had his full list of reasons, but man, I've been fighting back. Which means defending myself as a parent. Sending photographs to the guardian of the kids and I—since birth. Reminding them …
Father allegedly kept teen stowaway from his mother for eight years
Yahya Abdi, the teen who survived the 5 ½ hour flight in a jet wheel well, despite extreme cold and low oxygen levels, has left Hawaii and returned to California. A relative said the boy's father was denied access. Abdi, a 15-year-old boy originally from Somalia, has not seen his mother in eight years. Abdilahi Yusuf, Abdi's father, allegedly took Abdi and his brother and sister to the United States without his mother's permission. The boy had been told by his father that his mother was dead. Abdi recently found out that his mother was not dead; she was living in a remote refugee camp in eastern Ethiopia. With this news he hopped a fence at San Jose International Airport and climbed in …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Reader needs advice to protect her kids
Editor's Note: The Lovefraud reader who goes by the name of “NomorePTSD” has a request. Can any Lovefraud readers offer her any advice or suggestions? This is “NomorePTSD.” My blog post, LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Escaping my mother, the sociopath, appeared on Lovefraud in June of 2013. I talked about my healing from flashbacks that were a result of my childhood and beginning adulthood relationship with my mother, a sociopath who stalked me for 18 years, motivated largely by envy. We are doing total No Contact, and have essentially erased ourselves from the map of her world. Now I have a bit of a dilemma with privacy. My husband and I moved to a new place, bought our home in a LLC and our ca …
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Sociopaths, Assessments, and Court–What’s the Point?
Last week in Hard to See a Psychopath, I dedicated my post to seeing psychopaths/sociopaths more clearly. I talked about the need for assessments—meaning more training for more clinicians—as a place to start in our quest to "make things better." But what's next? Let's say you're in the family court system. Does an assessment make a difference? Why start there? I thought hard about this all week. Because for the past decade or two, I've lived in a space where I know that my ex is hurting people, but I've been silenced or belittled or ignored in most arenas when I try to talk about it. And I've imagined, many times, that if people just knew the truth, it would make a difference. This wee …
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Hard to See a Psychopath
I'll start with one man who has dedicated his life to teaching others how to assess and clearly identify psychopaths. Here's part of the bio from his website. “Robert Hare is Emeritus Professor of Psychology, University of British Columbia, where he has taught and conducted research for more than four decades, and President of Darkstone Research Group Ltd., a forensic research and consulting firm. He has devoted most of his academic career to the investigation of psychopathy, its nature, assessment, and implications for mental health and criminal justice. He is the developer of the Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R) and a co-author of its derivatives, the Psychopathy Checklist: Screen …
Standing with a Sociopath
My sociopathic ex and I meet monthly with a psychologist. The Guardian ad litem for our three children ordered us to do this after my ex filed for full custody of our two boys last year. So we've met with this psychologist maybe 6 times now, and neither of us had ever met him before our first meeting. All he knew about us in advance is that we're a "high conflict" couple, and he decided that the best thing he can do for our family is to help us get along. He's also trying to help us settle on an agreement that doesn't entirely eliminate my parenting time or rights. And I appreciate that. Therapy with a Sociopath What's it like? It's not that bad, really, compared to all the other …
Study reveals Mafia prisoners less likely to be psychopathic than fellow inmates
Italian researchers in Sicily released a new study revealing that members of the Mafia are less likely to be psychopaths than other criminals. The study compared 30 Mafia members in a Palermo, Sicily jail convicted of crimes such as murder, trafficking, extortion, fraud, sexual exploitation and kidnapping, to a group of 39 non-Mafia prisoners, whose offenses included murder, rape, child sexual abuse and armed robbery. The study concluded that, according to the Hare Psychopathy Checklist Revised, none of the Mafia scored in the psychopathic range, while 10% of the comparison prisoners did. The Mafia members were also found to be less ”˜manipulative,' ”˜Machiavellian,' ”˜narcissistic,' ”˜unem …
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Prologue of a Sociopath
The following piece considers our rampant professional failure to not only identify sociopaths but also to know how to label and talk about them if they are identified. It is an excerpt from The Other Side of Charm, which is by me, H.G. Beverly. Here it is: I'm going to start you off by talking about psychopaths. Why not? I can't think of a better way to start off a story about how a charming, apparently caring man can maintain a sparkling smile as he devastates you. Maybe you'll recognize some of these tendencies in people you know. Maybe you'll be surprised. So let's talk about it. Psychopath. Sociopath. Antisocial Personality Disorder. The labels are muddled and confusing because th …
Letters to Lovefraud: I could no longer share my life with someone who lacked a conscience and integrity
Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by Lovefraud reader DonnaC. Other names in this letter have been changed. Below is a letter my former husband wrote shortly after I had told him that our marriage was over. He spent two weeks trying to convince me to give him time to ”˜once again' prove he could be the man he was meant to be. When we married 11 years earlier he was handsome, successful and fun. We met after my loveless first marriage. I was a happy outgoing person but he knew about my withdrawn ex husband and so it was easy to ”˜love bomb' me. I found his confidence, energy and zest for life intoxicating. There were the expected adjustments to our new married life, and …
Walking In My Shoes: Looking Back Over My Marriage to a Sociopath
by Quinn Pierce Not-So-Spring Cleaning Since my divorce, I have done so much "spring cleaning" of my life, that I've given myself a pass on actually cleaning anything this year. And, as the ice melts away, I will sit idly by with a cup of tea and admire the dust as it collects on my winter clothes that remain taking up precious space in my closet. The truth is, I don't have all that many clothes left, especially since I went through several cycles of gaining and losing weight during the end of my marriage and my divorce. I chose to give away anything that didn't fit as I cleaned and sorted out my home, and my life, at the time. It probably was a subconscious act on my part to di …
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