by Quinn Pierce It's fall in the Northeast. The long humid days of summer have been replaced by crisp autumn air, while vibrant, painted leaves cover sidewalks. It's usually my favorite time of year, but I have to admit that this particular change in seasons has been challenging. Instead of enjoying the beautiful scenery and bright sunshine, I've spent most of my days sitting in the interchangeable waiting rooms of doctors, lawyers, counselors, principals, etc, trying to help my children heal while protecting them from their father. Time to Reflect on Change Sitting in these impersonal, and sometimes, over-crowded waiting rooms, I have had lots of time to reflect upon my fifteen y …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: People like him don’t change
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call "Ethel." I too married a Sociopath although it took way to long for me to see through the lies ”¦ I found out he had been cheating with numerous women ”¦ One day as he kept hanging up on me, I dialed his cell repeatedly in anger. As I kept pushing the #'s, miraculously, for some reason, his voicemail started to play and a woman's voice was saying what time he should pick her up, what restaurant reservations were made ”¦ Well, confused at who it may be, I never said anything, but continued to check the messages daily. The messages seemed a little like business but I went with my gut and went online to ch …
Divorcing A Sociopath: Avoiding Conflict and Other Mistakes
by Quinn Pierce For a long time, I tried to keep confrontations with my ex-husband to a minimum. I always thought that I could avoid causing my boys any further harm by just ”˜keeping the peace'. I considered it a small price to pay if I had to tolerate inconveniences and insults in order to give my children a drama-less environment. But, as is always the case when negotiating with a sociopath, the price was much higher than I ever imagined. Good Intentions I believed I was setting an example by taking the high road and not engaging my ex-husband in his game-playing antics. Unfortunately, what I was doing was letting a bully set the rules and move the boundaries at will. And whil …
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Co-Parenting With A Sociopath: Keeping My Children Safe
by Quinn Pierce If I were to make a list of the events that have occurred in my family over the past month and asked an ordinary person to explain the motives and reasons behind my ex-husband's behavior, that person would have a very difficult time making sense of the whole situation. However, anyone who has had a relationship with a sociopath for more than two minutes would understand his every decision. Unfortunately, I would not only fall into this category, but I may be considered an unwilling expert on his twisted thought process and vengeful nature. The Calm Before The Storm I often wish I was over-reacting or being paranoid when I sense that my ex-husband is planning …
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Recovery From A Sociopath: Establishing Healthy Boundaries
by Quinn Pierce “But, I don't understand, what does he do?” And this is usually where the conversation falls apart. There is no easy way to describe the behavior that sends me and my children into a post-traumatic tail-spin. How do you explain to someone that you can just feel when someone is angry or disappointed with you? Or, what it's like when just being around someone makes you feel self-conscious, insecure”¦small. Obstacles on the Healing Path When I'm faced with this type of skepticism, I have two reactions: frustration that I have to try to convince people that the abuse, and subsequently, the post-traumatic stresses are real and jealousy that the person asking t …
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Divorcing a Sociopath: A Healing Journey
by Quinn Pierce Some days, the sunlight seems just a little brighter than usual as I let its comforting rays blanket my skin with warmth. And for that moment, I can taste the precious peace I so desperately want to give permanent residence in my life. Until, like a sudden rain cloud, a shadow creeps across my heart as a memory sparks to life. And, in an instant, I'm shifted off balance, struggling to maintain my footing, refusing to fall down. Another day, it seems, on the path to recovery after sharing my life for so long with someone whose every emotion was a lie. Necessary Interaction It's an exhausting paradox for me. I would love nothing more than to erase him from …
Ending My Relationship With a Sociopath: Separation and Manipulation
By Quinn Pierce Shattering the Illusion Once I learned that my husband was a sociopath, it was a lot like looking at one of those Magic Eye puzzles that don't look like anything except random, tiny shapes and then, suddenly, a three dimensional image appears out of nowhere. Unfortunately, this lead to the realization that my entire marriage was an optical illusion covering up a very scary reality. And once the illusion was shattered, I felt like I was living with a stranger who was capable of harming my children and me in ways I hadn't even realized. However, I also learned that separating from a sociopath and, subsequently, divorcing one is not any easier than living with one. W …
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Minnesota Appellate Court overturns mom’s conviction for ‘deprivation of parental rights’
Caroline Rice and Brent Rice, of Chanhassen, Minnesota, divorced in 2004, and have been involved in custody battles over their five children ever since. Full custody was awarded to Brent Rice, even though the children said he was abusive. In 2010 the youngest child, 13 at the time, ran away, met up with her mother, and they fled to Canada. When Caroline Rice returned to the United States, she was charged with depriving parental rights. Last week, the Minnesota Court of Appeals overturned the conviction, saying that Judge Richard C. Perkins and prosecutors conspired to deprive Rice of her civil rights and access to due process. Update: Long custody battle produces guilty verdict, on …
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Married To A Sociopath: Effects of Abuse on Children
When my husband and I separated after fifteen years of marriage, I felt as though all I did was answer question after question from everyone I encountered. But, there was one question that stood out among all the others, and it continues to replay in my head, even today. “Did you know your son was being emotionally and verbally abused by his father?” A Mother Seeking Help This was asked by a health care professional in the psychology department of the children's emergency hospital. My son had been in a severe depression for months, and I felt as though he was entering crisis mode. So, at the suggestion of our pediatrician, I drove my son to the hospital. I didn't tell anyone I was goin …
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How psychopathic parents affect children
A Lovefraud reader who posts as "Mani" asked a question that I'm sure is of interest to many others, so I'll address it in a blog post. Mani writes: I was one of the children who lived with a psychopath for a long time. I fought all my life not to let him be a part of my personality. In comparison to what I was exposed to I think I have been successful. But is there anybody out there who can shed more light on the effects of a psychopath father on children, particularly boys? I know there is tendency to label these children as secondary psychopaths but I haven't seen anybody talking about the mechanics of it. And I am sure all these children don't become secondary psychopaths. This is a …